Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Danz0r77 I met someone nice a month in to OLD. It’s early days yet and I’m half expecting that he’ll dump me in a few months when the grass is greener app mentality kicks in, but for now we’re having a good time and he’s being kind and understanding.

@BelladiMamma ...."Monday it must be Michael".....my laptop nearly got covered in beer!!

When I started OLD I wasn't keen on chatting to multiple people at the same time, but a few months in I've realised how flakey it can be and now have multiple chats on the go as I know 99% of them will go no where.

[quote Stayingstrongish]@Danz0r77 I met someone nice a month in to OLD. It’s early days yet and I’m half expecting that he’ll dump me in a few months when the grass is greener app mentality kicks in, but for now we’re having a good time and he’s being kind and understanding.[/quote]
@Stayingstrongish
That's good though. And you never know, he might not dump you

[quote teesguy]@BelladiMamma ...."Monday it must be Michael".....my laptop nearly got covered in beer!!

When I started OLD I wasn't keen on chatting to multiple people at the same time, but a few months in I've realised how flakey it can be and now have multiple chats on the go as I know 99% of them will go no where.[/quote]
😂😂😂
Yes sometimes my 20's was a bit like that. But I'm older and wiser now. And have realised that these things are dead flaky as people hide behind messaging and don't even manage to meet you half the time!!!

So now it's a bit, ah ok your child free time is the same as mine, let's enjoy each other whilst we can!

Also, if someone tells you they're not ready for a relationship, you accept that and you don't tell them to "take as long as they need". That's just you trying to force your agenda on them. I'd be really cross if someone said that to me after I'd told them I didn't want or wasn't ready for a relationship. This, 100% @Danz0r77
Sometimes two people can click brilliantly and get on really well, but just be looking for different things. I had that recently (he wants to have babies, I don't) and it's totally gutting. But unfortunately you just have to accept it - you can't push someone into wanting something they don't want - it's just not on and it won't happen. Write this one off - and better luck for the next one

I've been channelling my inner @BelladiMamma and currently have a harem of 5+ irons. I haven't met any of them yet - just people I've started chatting with in the last few days. I think one of them is about to get struck off (for minor offences, but I can afford to be picky ) The other 4 all seem quite promising - insofar as anything can, before you meet them. I'll see if any meets come to fruition in the next couple of weeks and whittle it down further from there.

All this is taking my mind off Mr G, a little bit. Only a little bit. Not very much actually - I've been thinking about him loads. But hopefully if I follow the "getting under someone else" advice I'll be able to move on.

I've had to start a spreadsheet of my irons, to remember who's who. How do you do it @BelladiMamma? Presumably once you've met them in person it becomes much easier to remember stuff about them - but I think I'd still struggle to remember who I'd told what to (not that I tell them different things as such - but I don't want to be repeating myself!).

Talking of spreadsheets, wasn't someone proposing to make a spreadsheet of posters on this thread and their significant irons? Was that you, @VanGoghsDog ? That would be amazing...

@PurpleStripyScarf

I've had to start a spreadsheet of my irons, to remember who's who. How do you do it *@BelladiMamma*? Presumably once you've met them in person it becomes much easier to remember stuff about them - but I think I'd still struggle to remember who I'd told what to (not that I tell them different things as such - but I don't want to be repeating myself!).

Talking of spreadsheets, wasn't someone proposing to make a spreadsheet of posters on this thread and their significant irons? Was that you, @VanGoghsDog ? That would be amazing...

I sometimes do screenshots or make notes on my phone? If I'm worried I'm repeating myself I'll say I've been busy with the DC or work or Christmas so apologise in advance... but the ones that make it to the long shortlist are generally people I really connect with so don't find it hard to remember things about them.

I would LOVE a spreadsheet of the posters or at least a link to a Google doc where we could fill in our own details? 😁

@PurpleStripyScarf

I've been channelling my inner *@BelladiMamma* and currently have a harem of 5+ irons. I haven't met any of them yet - just people I've started chatting with in the last few days. I think one of them is about to get struck off (for minor offences, but I can afford to be picky ) The other 4 all seem quite promising - insofar as anything can, before you meet them. I'll see if any meets come to fruition in the next couple of weeks and whittle it down further from there.

All this is taking my mind off Mr G, a little bit. Only a little bit. Not very much actually - I've been thinking about him loads. But hopefully if I follow the "getting under someone else" advice I'll be able to move on.

Sorry you're still pining for MrG. That's tough. I think about MrA loads but I feel like Ive worked through my feelings for him and it all feels very healthy now. I'm very very fond of him but I know I'm not holding out for him

@PurpleStripyScarf sending you positive vibes. ❤️❤️❤️

How often do you tend to message/speak with Mr A, @BelladiMamma? You didn't stop communicating, right, you just stopped sleeping with him and being romantic with him?
Mr G and I have been in contact at least every few/couple of days, albeit not extensively. I'd say he's initiated his fair share. No flirting, just nice (albeit it feels very nothingy after what we had). Hopefully we can move into friend-mode (as I'd hate to lose him entirely, as we get on so well) but I'm probably not ready for that just yet.

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@PurpleStripyScarf sending you positive vibes. ❤️❤️❤️[/quote]
Aww thanks @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards. Likewise, sending you strength and happiness 🤗

@PurpleStripyScarf 😀❤️😘

Love the idea of a spreadsheet. I've no idea what I've told what to whom . I'm worried that I'm telling the same person the same stuff over and over again!! Currently got 4 chats on the go and I'm already getting confused!!

@PurpleStripyScarf

How often do you tend to message/speak with Mr A, *@BelladiMamma*? You didn't stop communicating, right, you just stopped sleeping with him and being romantic with him? Mr G and I have been in contact at least every few/couple of days, albeit not extensively. I'd say he's initiated his fair share. No flirting, just nice (albeit it feels very nothingy after what we had). Hopefully we can move into friend-mode (as I'd hate to lose him entirely, as we get on so well) but I'm probably not ready for that just yet.

Sounds about the same. I took a break of maybe a week when we transitioned into friendship and then we picked up again where we left off. The only time it's got flirty again is over Christmas when I sent him a very personal message to wish him happy Christmas and he got a bit emotional then I got a bit flirty. But it's eased off again and is into friendship. But ya know, it's a friendship that came from a place of lust so it's always going to have that edge I think. He knows I'm seeing other people; he tells me he isn't but I also know he could meet someone any time. It made me a bit sad because he spent Christmas with his friends who'd met me and made a big thing about calling me his girlfriend and telling me how happy they were he'd met me ... but he didn't really ever follow through on the girlfriend option. It was only ever me and his friends who thought that's what we were 🤷🏻‍♀️

@teesguy

Love the idea of a spreadsheet. I've no idea what I've told what to whom . I'm worried that I'm telling the same person the same stuff over and over again!! Currently got 4 chats on the go and I'm already getting confused!!

Glad it's not just me!

It doesn't help when they have the same name as each other. I have to keep thinking "Is this Cycling Paul or Peru Paul?" (Not their real names 😆)

My list of irons keeps growing, as I got a bit carried away with the swiping over Christmas and I'm getting some slow-burn responses. Was planning to cull it to under 5 but it's at risk of creeping up towards 10 🙈

It's a shame about the girlfriend thing @BelladiMamma - but equally it sounds as if you've got something quite nice with him now.

I miss the sex (which was pretty exciting!) with Mr G, as well as missing him as a person. Quite a tough combo to forget about.

@PurpleStripyScarf I think messaging anything up to 20 is fine as so many flake or get Covid or never suggest meeting up!! And yes how inconsiderate of them to have the same name 😂

With distance I can see that the sex with MrA was really good and I really had the hots for him, but the sex itself wasn't very emotional from him. There was no 'you're beautiful let me look into your eyes' ... it was more 'hot' than romantic. He certainly made me feel very desirable but at the end of the day he was just not that into me emotionally.

Hopefully with time you'll start to see things that weren't perfect with MrG or where you might find something better for your situation.

I think messaging anything up to 20 is fine as so many flake or get Covid or never suggest meeting up!! Oh yes I agree, there's nothing wrong with messaging any number of potential irons (in the same way as there's nothing wrong with multidating, if done transparently) - it's just that I don't have the mental capacity for it!

Hopefully with time you'll start to see things that weren't perfect with MrG or where you might find something better for your situation. Thanks, yes, tbh there were already a couple of amber flags (not counting the whole "babies" thing). So, logically speaking, clearly things weren't perfect. But of course missing/desiring him is not a logical thing, it's emotional. And sometimes emotions are stronger than logic. You're right though, hopefully with time the logical argument will outweigh the emotional. Or perhaps I'll just redirect my emotions towards someone else.

I've spent the whole day with MrStone - he came over about eleven, I made sausage rolls (oh yes) which we ate with tea/coffee, then had more tea and chocolates, then a three mile muddy walk in the rain to a country pub where we had coffee and hot chocolate, then a three mile muddier and rainier walk back, drenched.

Then he put up a shelf for me that's been hanging around for literally years (mental block here about it). I made my now-famous (because of the amazing new oven pan) roast potatoes and parsnips and a huge cauliflower cheese (he tried to tell me I was making white sauce "wrong", he got a stern look for that, when it was done he admitted it was some of the best looking white sauce he'd seen, and best cauliflower cheese - it was good I have to admit, and if you've never had cauliflower cheese with roasted parsnips, well, do!). And we had pork pie, gammon, tomatoes, pickled red cabbage etc.

Then we watched two films and he left just before midnight.

Still don't fancy him at all.

@VanGoghsDog

I've spent the whole day with MrStone - he came over about eleven, I made sausage rolls (oh yes) which we ate with tea/coffee, then had more tea and chocolates, then a three mile muddy walk in the rain to a country pub where we had coffee and hot chocolate, then a three mile muddier and rainier walk back, drenched.

Then he put up a shelf for me that's been hanging around for literally years (mental block here about it). I made my now-famous (because of the amazing new oven pan) roast potatoes and parsnips and a huge cauliflower cheese (he tried to tell me I was making white sauce "wrong", he got a stern look for that, when it was done he admitted it was some of the best looking white sauce he'd seen, and best cauliflower cheese - it was good I have to admit, and if you've never had cauliflower cheese with roasted parsnips, well, do!). And we had pork pie, gammon, tomatoes, pickled red cabbage etc.

Then we watched two films and he left just before midnight.

Still don't fancy him at all.

🤣 You have such a way with words, @VanGoghsDog.

Sounds like the best non-date ever.

@PurpleStripyScarf
I can't believe I'm typing this but I do struggle to regarding who said what etc etc

So I screenshot and I also create a word doc for my notes then each iron has a dedicated folder 🙈

I don't do spreadsheets mainly because I get so fed up with them at work

I’m a lurker (and a regular but n/c for this!). I am in awe of all you who can do it and I’ve loved reading your escapades 😂

I did online dating and gave up on it coz I met too many flakes who weren’t interesting or who only wanted sex and I’m too old for that - I’m in my early 50s.

I live in an ex council house which I bought and that puts some blokes off 🙄 and I’m disabled which also puts some off.

I have to tell someone this because I’m excited and I’ve no one to tell. So I’m telling you lot lol.

The maintenance manager for the area has been around a few times because the houses that were still council were getting new kitchens. He and I had a bit of banter always said hello etc.

Anyway we had a long chat the Thursday before Christmas standing in the street and laughing and just bants. Got to know he was divorced and a wee bit more about him.

And I asked him if he fancied a coffee some day. Took all my courage.

We swapped numbers and have been messaging and chatting over Christmas and we have a date for lunch on Thursday.

Sorry if this is only for online dating - if it is tell me and I’ll go back to lurking!

@Ovenaffray

Hello and welcome, great to have you onboard so to speak

Don't go back to lurking and I hope all goes well on Thursday

Thank you!