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Original poster

Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

957 replies

WeWantTheFinestWines · 18/12/2021 00:18

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Danz0r77 · 27/12/2021 19:38

[quote teesguy]@Danz0r77 just a couple of things she said that didn't sit well with me. The main one was that she is un-vacinated. I believe it's down to each individual to choose but just one thing to watch.

It is really hard. I want to open myself up so that people see the authentic me but I'm now more wary of getting too invested early on. One thing I'm trying to tell myself is that I can't control the actions of others and if they behave in a way that isn't compatible with my values or decide to disappear without the courtesy of a thanks but no thanks message then they weren't right for me.[/quote]
Ah OK I see. Wasn't sure if there was an official "red flag list" with things on I should be looking out for. It's more just things you personally can foresee being an issue further down the line?

I feel similar to you at this point. I've had dated 5 people and (apart from the first one) they all seemed to go really well. 3 of them moved to more dates and a couple of them even further than that... but then something happens and it just falls apart. It is tiring.

Danz0r77 · 27/12/2021 19:39

@Onesmallstep67

Sorry *@Danz0r77, I misunderstood. I thought you were asking for what red flags meant as opposed those specific to @teesguy*’s iron
@Onesmallstep67 No you were right, I was asking generally what it meant Smile
FabulousMrFifty · 27/12/2021 20:02

@Danz0r77
Sorry, not got my glasses on

You will have no problem finding someone

FabulousMrFifty · 27/12/2021 20:05

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@FabulousMrFifty Happy Christmas to you!

[/quote] Brilliant!
Stayingstrongish · 27/12/2021 20:08

@Danz0r77 you might have unwittingly said something which was a red flag for this lady… one person’s slightly moody can be a warning signal for someone else. I know you said nothing horrible was said but I tend to be put off by grumpiness or snappiness in guys after experiences with exes.

Danz0r77 · 27/12/2021 20:13

[quote Stayingstrongish]@Danz0r77 you might have unwittingly said something which was a red flag for this lady… one person’s slightly moody can be a warning signal for someone else. I know you said nothing horrible was said but I tend to be put off by grumpiness or snappiness in guys after experiences with exes.[/quote]
@Stayingstrongish
Yes I think you hit the nail on the head there. It wasn't anything I said, but more that I seemed to react in a grumpy way, and that appears to have been a huge red flag.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 27/12/2021 20:15

@InABetterPlaceNow sending lots of ❤️ to you as well! 😘😘😘

teesguy · 27/12/2021 20:18

Well after being blocked on WhatsApp the she's ended the conversation in Bumble too. Onwards and Upwards as they say.

And tomorrow's potential date zero has just messaged to ask how tall I am....after we have been chatting for a few weeks. Wonder what's the next message I'll get.......

Stayingstrongish · 27/12/2021 20:23

@Danz0r77 ah dear.. it may not even be so much about you but about past experiences and not wanting to go through them again. If you think your grumpiness was out of character perhaps you could try to reassure her.

FabulousMrFifty · 27/12/2021 20:24

@Onesmallstep67

Red flags can vary for different people and what you find unacceptable but an example might be something like only able to chat after 9pm - might be genuine and would therefore offer a credible explanation or might be an indication that married? Or spends a lot of time talking about sex and asking questions about your preferences- again not a red flag for some but may be an early indication of someone looking for casual or hook up.
100% agree with this, red flags are going to be different for each person, but you need to decide what’s important to you.

If someone said they didn’t like Monty Python, that might be an amber flag for me ( maybe).
But someone saying to me that it would be me or the bikes, that would be a control red flag for me.

Stayingstrongish · 27/12/2021 20:25

@teesguy gosh what a question, can she not wait one day to wait and find out. I’d be pretty offended if a guy asked me my bra size the day before a date 🙈

FabulousMrFifty · 27/12/2021 20:28

@teesguy

Well after being blocked on WhatsApp the she's ended the conversation in Bumble too. Onwards and Upwards as they say.

And tomorrow's potential date zero has just messaged to ask how tall I am....after we have been chatting for a few weeks. Wonder what's the next message I'll get.......

Have you not got height on your profile ?
teesguy · 27/12/2021 20:29

[quote Stayingstrongish]@teesguy gosh what a question, can she not wait one day to wait and find out. I’d be pretty offended if a guy asked me my bra size the day before a date 🙈[/quote]
She replied to say she is the same height as me and just wanted to let me know Hmm. Think I will be making sure I have something in for dinner just in case.

Danz0r77 · 27/12/2021 20:30

@teesguy

Well after being blocked on WhatsApp the she's ended the conversation in Bumble too. Onwards and Upwards as they say.

And tomorrow's potential date zero has just messaged to ask how tall I am....after we have been chatting for a few weeks. Wonder what's the next message I'll get.......

Wow, OK that would be a red flag for me!
FabulousMrFifty · 27/12/2021 20:33

[quote Stayingstrongish]@teesguy gosh what a question, can she not wait one day to wait and find out. I’d be pretty offended if a guy asked me my bra size the day before a date 🙈[/quote]
Ms W is a big girl, there is no way her bra would fit me 😂😂

Danz0r77 · 27/12/2021 20:34

[quote Stayingstrongish]@Danz0r77 ah dear.. it may not even be so much about you but about past experiences and not wanting to go through them again. If you think your grumpiness was out of character perhaps you could try to reassure her.[/quote]
@Stayingstrongish
Thanks, I think you're right. It is out of character, and I've tried to say that, but I'm thinking she's already made the decision to end it here and not sure anything I say now will persuade her otherwise. Sad, but I guess there's not much I can do other than move on.

InABetterPlaceNow · 27/12/2021 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InABetterPlaceNow · 27/12/2021 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stayingstrongish · 27/12/2021 21:17

@Danz0r77 hopefully you find someone just as nice soon, it sounds like you’re getting plenty of interest on the apps.

BelladiMamma · 27/12/2021 21:33

MrDublin is more vulnerable than I realised and has unburdened himself about two recent events. To be fair, they’re not far off the sorts of issues that I’ve had to face so I’m not phased by them or shocked. He wanted to clear the air before we carry on seeing each other. And is concerned that I’m not in as deep as he is. It’s very sweet and I have reassured him. He’s also got to slow down and enjoy these early days because after all if we are in it for the long haul I want to have a really lovely honeymoon period! And sadly, the rush to commitment is a red flag for me. It isn't in this case, as we've got an on going conversation and that's good. But as I reminded him earlier, we met on feeld... not married at first sight ...

teesguy · 27/12/2021 21:36

I'm starting to think that OLD is just like a giant game of snakes and ladders....just when you think you are getting somewhere you land on a snake and you are back at square one Grin.

BelladiMamma · 27/12/2021 21:40

Other than that I'm in a food coma and may need to wear a pair of elasticated waistband trousers to our meet tomorrow ... that should cool him off 😃

Dazedandconfused10 · 27/12/2021 21:40

@teesguy then you rage quite and give up 😂😂

BelladiMamma · 27/12/2021 21:42

@teesguy

I'm starting to think that OLD is just like a giant game of snakes and ladders....just when you think you are getting somewhere you land on a snake and you are back at square one Grin.
Oh god I hear you! I've done a complete overhaul and now multi date. Not for everyone but I had lost patience with the whole process so reverted to my boho '20's when it was like - it's Monday it must be Michael 😁
Danz0r77 · 27/12/2021 21:43

[quote Stayingstrongish]@Danz0r77 hopefully you find someone just as nice soon, it sounds like you’re getting plenty of interest on the apps.[/quote]
@Stayingstrongish
Thanks. It really takes its toll though. You really think you're getting somewhere and then BAM it's all gone, usually in an instant. And you have to start all over again with the next one.

Have you had success with it?