Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hello all. Mellow BD here; DC and parent have all left, house a tip, but I'm finally on my own and in contrast to how I was feeling a few days ago, am so glad to have some space to chill out and really glad I didn't book a bonkers cross country skiing trip

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards that is such a good move re. block/delete. The only tip I would add is to go back in a few months time and unblock having deleted, so that you have no record of their phone number anywhere - in my experience it's just quite annoying knowing that by having someone blocked, you still have them lodged on your phone somewhere. That could just be me though, with my twitchy fingers.

@backonthedatingtrain I think it's a bit difficult to tell here, to me it sounds like he's not over her - only 3 years together but pining for the 'routine' of it... is not the same as pining for the routine and familiarity of marriage/kids with someone, all the knowledge/back history of inlaws etc. I'm early days dating with someone who finished a 2 year relationship in August and I would feel quite uncomfortable if he were to vocalise feelings like that to me. It's okay for them to have them, but we're not the right person for them to be saying them to.

@FabulousMrFifty - saw you posting on that thread about walking dates - my word it's a different vibe on that thread! . Can't believe how anti walking dates some people are on there!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs
Yeah, IRL I actually live close to Stow, so walking dates are pretty good for me, and I like the outdoors anyhow.

But some of the “Ladies”, on that thread think they are “shit”, and seem to judge a man by the size of his wallet and how much he will spend on them, at least I now know which women to avoid, those who say no to a walking date !

@ibelieveinmirrorballs
The other thing I noticed is the level of man bashing on that thread, it’s taken to a new level, men are actively despised, which makes me wonder why some of the posters are actually trying to date, it’s beyond me.

In future I’m just going to stick to bikes and get a dog as well, think that will do for me, will forget about women as I’m clearly not “high value” material..

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@ibelieveinmirrorballs
The other thing I noticed is the level of man bashing on that thread, it’s taken to a new level, men are actively despised, which makes me wonder why some of the posters are actually trying to date, it’s beyond me.

In future I’m just going to stick to bikes and get a dog as well, think that will do for me, will forget about women as I’m clearly not “high value” material..[/quote]
Don’t do that! Just stick to the sanity on this thread.

Honestly, that whole FDS thing takes what sounds like a reasonable premise and contorts it into ridiculous rules and outcomes. I think they’d all do a lot better weeding out the idiots themselves before meeting up.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs don't worry, I've deleted his number off my phone too, so I have no record of it. ❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@ibelieveinmirrorballs don't worry, I've deleted his number off my phone too, so I have no record of it. ❤️[/quote]
Unfortunately it will still be listed as a blocked number on WhatsApp- that’s what I meant really… it’s annoying that it gets kept there regardless.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs yes, it's been added to my block list, I think. But I'm still blocked on his side so he's unlikely to contact me ❤️

I've deleted his number from my phone contacts too ❤️

@ibelieveinmirrorballs @FabulousMrFifty walking dates are actually my favourites!! Stress free and I think the conversation can be better too. Where do I find this thread though?!! I'm intrigued now!!

@BelladiMamma

It’s here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4434879-Why-do-men-always-suggest-going-for-walks-as-a-first-date

I’ve been throughly slated on it, I think I must be a boring old Colonel Brandon type, rather then a Willoughby type.

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@BelladiMamma

It’s here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4434879-Why-do-men-always-suggest-going-for-walks-as-a-first-date

I’ve been throughly slated on it, I think I must be a boring old Colonel Brandon type, rather then a Willoughby type.[/quote]
Always preferred Brandon, as did Austen

... and Alan Rickman as Brandon ha to be the best casting decision ever

@BelladiMamma
Ha, watching that version on the telly now!

Miss Dashwood !

@FabulousMrFifty I actually loved walking dates last year during lockdown and preferred the chilled, less pressure. I have friends who would recoil at this, and openly said I set the bar too low. They would want dinners paid for, flowers and chocolates, all on the first date. However everyone wants different things and perhaps my bar is a bit low!!

I would cringe if someone turned up to a first date with chocolate or flowers. They don't know me! Generic chocs/flowers are meaningless. My favourite chocolate truffles or my favourite flowers from someone who knows and likes me would be everything.

[quote Eesha]@FabulousMrFifty I actually loved walking dates last year during lockdown and preferred the chilled, less pressure. I have friends who would recoil at this, and openly said I set the bar too low. They would want dinners paid for, flowers and chocolates, all on the first date. However everyone wants different things and perhaps my bar is a bit low!![/quote]
Oh crap! , maybe I am a skinflint after all, I’d never go flowers / Chocs / Dinner for a 1st date!

I would hate anyone to turn up with anything on a first date! I also like walking dates and have had many a garage forecourt or car park coffee - I must not value myself at all 😁

I'd run an actual mile if someone turned up with flowers etc! It would scream lovebombing.

MrT and I's date zero was part walking, part sitting on a park bench and I thought it was great. Meant we could see if we actually had enough stuff to talk about and no awkwardness over who's paying etc.

On our other coffee / pub dates we've taken turns through the day to buy drinks etc and for the meal we had we both ordered and paid separately. I'd hate it any other way!!

I'm planning on asking him to the cinema in the new year and I'll buy the tickets as I can get a good discount... I expect he'll then pay for popcorn and nibbles!

Walking dates plus nice coffee thrown in are an excellent first date. Good sign for me if the guy is ‘outdoorsy’ and not an alcoholic as a few are. It’s just a bit awkward if you have to meet in a pub and sit at a table.. walking removes the awkwardness nicely.

I’m glad Christmas is nearly over for another year. Today was quite hard.

If the weather’s nice and it’s daytime I’m happy to walk. If an evening date/bad weather I’d rather go for a meal or drink and split the bill.

My first date with Mr Cricket was coffee, it was much more relaxed than dinner and meant we didn't have the awkward what to order on the menu situation. If he had turned up with flowers or chocolates it would have been a bit less comfortable. As it is that first date defined our friendship, comfortable and relaxed. I mean he regularly turns up in his cycling gear now.

@Shayelle2009 I feel the same, the tree is down, car packed for the tip trip tomorrow. I feel quite flat and today has been the day where I've just had reminder after reminder of Mr Cricket.

@Isitreallyme1277 💐💗💗 xxxxxx

@Shayelle2009 thank you I hope you're doing okay too. 💜❤xxxxx

@Shayelle2009

Walking dates plus nice coffee thrown in are an excellent first date. Good sign for me if the guy is ‘outdoorsy’ and not an alcoholic as a few are. It’s just a bit awkward if you have to meet in a pub and sit at a table.. walking removes the awkwardness nicely.

I’m glad Christmas is nearly over for another year. Today was quite hard.

Hope you're alright. The weather today hasn't helped has it

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@BelladiMamma

It’s here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4434879-Why-do-men-always-suggest-going-for-walks-as-a-first-date

I’ve been throughly slated on it, I think I must be a boring old Colonel Brandon type, rather then a Willoughby type.[/quote]
PS this other thread does have some sensible contributions but the whole 'dating strategy' thing makes me a little sick if I'm honest.

I mean seriously, if you can't form a relationship on a genuine connection, low values dates or not, you have very little hope for your future together.

I don't think I'll dare contribute as I'm another that will get shot down in flames on there!!