Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I don't know how to be treated in relationships, because I've never been in a proper relationship!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I don't know how to be treated in relationships, because I've never been in a proper relationship!

Well,you've been given a million comments and pointers here and you continue to rebuff them. So crack on with the loser.

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I don't think the previous posts were an attack. Just a sense that we've all got unique experiences that mean we can give input that might be helpful.

A lot of people find their match early on and it just works. They deal with problems as they come.

I'll quote MrT when he says "you don't get to our age without some baggage".

Again, with much love, you can play a victim in life - and be taken advantage of by those who will have power over you. Or you can own the things that make you uniquely human and ask someone to meet you on these terms or leave.

I can only say that because I stayed a victim for so long. I'm over that now. I'm me, unapologetically. I know what I want and what I have to offer. I also know where I'm wobbly and communicate that (if I can't centre by myself).

We're all a bit broken is what I'm trying to say. [/quote]
@InABetterPlaceNow I know. I thought I had that with my ex, until he finished things with me. He strung me along too. It was horrible.

I know what people are trying to say, but sometimes it's hard for me to make myself understood.

@Stayingstrongish

I’m having a bit of a wobble, having been feeling ok about Christmas. My ex will have the children and be with all his family for the afternoon and Christmas dinner tomorrow. I don’t even particularly want to be with all of them, I never looked that much forward to it in the past, and yet still feeling a bit sad.

I sometimes wonder if the amount of sex I have with Mr Beard is me trying to distract myself from the sadness underneath. And it works for a while but it’s not a permanent kind of happiness. A bit of a melancholy thought for Christmas Eve - more Baileys needed?!

This time of year evokes all sorts of feelings. I'm off to my in laws very grudgingly ( my H died a few years ago, they have been quite shitty inlaws, but my kids like their cousins), and I am super dreading it.

Just console myself with it's a couple of hours. Hope you get through tomorrow ok

[quote Misty9]@VanGoghsDog you're more patient than me - I unmatched someone after 3 days of no response! It was only the 3rd message between us and I thought if he can't be arsed now, it doesn't bode well.

I'm a bit fed up with the whole thing really. Even if Mr bat works out, it'll be sporadic contact at best due to kids and other commitments. Just feels a bit pointless sometimes.[/quote]
3 messages in 3 days, excuse my language but fuck that, I’d expect to exchange the first little flurry of messages in the first day or so,

@VanGoghsDog I'm not rebuffing anything.

Obviously, I can't do much about Mr Gambit now, because he's made his feelings entirely clear.

If he wants to block me because I told him the truth, then so be it.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I don't know how to be treated in relationships, because I've never been in a proper relationship!

When you talk about your ex, what form did that relationship take then? Was it face to face and how long were you together?

I think you have some big issues to deal with (as many of us no doubt do) and agree with pp these need to be tackled in counselling. It’s too much for this thread, because each time you just get frustrated that nobody understands your plight.

The point others are making is that although yes you’ve been through difficulty, we all have our ‘war wounds’. You say yes but I’m just talking about my own experience but you’re not, what you do over and over again is try to say that none of us understand because of your exact circumstances that you think makes your case different.

I do not think you should be trying to date or chat to men on dating sites until you feel better about yourself.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I'd like to feel I've make you somewhat understood. What I'd say is those who you feel don't understand you are those with rock solid healthy boundaries. Does that make sense? Those that haven't had to deal with all the rubbish stuff that life brings up.

They can't (much love to all these people!) because it's crystal clear you don't deserve what you're being given. We both have so much to learn from these people. They don't mean to be harsh but they are coming from a place that is so very different from your experience. But it's something to aim for as despite anything you go through I think you can come from that place too, and demand more ❤️

@Stayingstrongish

I’m having a bit of a wobble, having been feeling ok about Christmas. My ex will have the children and be with all his family for the afternoon and Christmas dinner tomorrow. I don’t even particularly want to be with all of them, I never looked that much forward to it in the past, and yet still feeling a bit sad.

I sometimes wonder if the amount of sex I have with Mr Beard is me trying to distract myself from the sadness underneath. And it works for a while but it’s not a permanent kind of happiness. A bit of a melancholy thought for Christmas Eve - more Baileys needed?!

Agree with pp that you’re not alone - neither in feeling wobbly nor in wondering if you’re using sex or a new relationship to distract from it.

It IS that time of year. I loathed my in laws but also found myself feeling left out and a bit ‘othered’ by any sense of happy families taking place without me there.

@Stayingstrongish I sometimes wonder if the amount of sex I have with Mr Beard is me trying to distract myself from the sadness underneath
When I split from my ex husband I definitely used sex as a way to keep myself busy and my mind distracted from facing up to the reality of my marriage and how badly I was affected. it's only been recently that I felt ready for counselling and thats 3.5yrs after I split from him.

I agree that Christmas is always a time to be wistful for what was, what you thought you had and the future.
But remember we come out stronger

Just a quick message to say thank you to everyone on the list, so pleased I found you all

I've just dropped DD1&2 back off at there mum's, we've been out this evening looking at the local lights and there's a village fairly close which every property does a display and they raise money for charity. We was a bit naughty and the 3 of us stopped off for a cheeky McD drive thru on the trip out, well it is Christmas !

Also just this minute I had to breakaway from typing @ 21:02 to take delivery from Amazon, nothing what I have ordered so I presuming a surprise present as it's my name on the box

I wish you all a very Happy Christmas and remember to leave a mince pie out for Santa, take care and best wishes

@Stayingstrongish

I’m having a bit of a wobble, having been feeling ok about Christmas. My ex will have the children and be with all his family for the afternoon and Christmas dinner tomorrow. I don’t even particularly want to be with all of them, I never looked that much forward to it in the past, and yet still feeling a bit sad.

I sometimes wonder if the amount of sex I have with Mr Beard is me trying to distract myself from the sadness underneath. And it works for a while but it’s not a permanent kind of happiness. A bit of a melancholy thought for Christmas Eve - more Baileys needed?!

I'm feeling similarly if it helps. I had convinced myself that I was okay with a lone Christmas... But the reality is a bit different. I'm taking myself off for a beach walk if it's dry, and have bought a turkey dinner for two - I'll eat the other half as leftovers! Sending a hug though, it's hard

Myfabby

Stayingstrongish
I’m having a bit of a wobble, having been feeling ok about Christmas. My ex will have the children and be with all his family for the afternoon and Christmas dinner tomorrow. I don’t even particularly want to be with all of them, I never looked that much forward to it in the past, and yet still feeling a bit sad.

I sometimes wonder if the amount of sex I have with Mr Beard is me trying to distract myself from the sadness underneath. And it works for a while but it’s not a permanent kind of happiness. A bit of a melancholy thought for Christmas Eve - more Baileys needed?!

This time of year evokes all sorts of feelings

Amen to that!

Loads of bereavement memories, lots of happy memories, trying to plough on for the kids ect.

Keeps everyone on their toes

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I'm not dating. I've paused all OLD memberships for the moment.

I haven't dated anyone since I split up with my ex.

Me and my ex met though OLD and we were together for a few months. I really did love him.

I've never said that other people don't have a bad history with relationships at all, at any point. All I've said is what I've been though personally.

I have been referred to counselling.

I think what people don't understand with me is as I say, I've never been shown love in a relationship. I thought my ex loved me but I was wrong. I don't know what relationship love is like, because no man has ever loved me like that, no one has ever shown me proper affection, romantically.

And on top of that, I feel guilty because I have all this new physical stuff which I haven't tacked before.

This is the absolute truth.

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I'd like to feel I've make you somewhat understood. What I'd say is those who you feel don't understand you are those with rock solid healthy boundaries. Does that make sense? Those that haven't had to deal with all the rubbish stuff that life brings up.

They can't (much love to all these people!) because it's crystal clear you don't deserve what you're being given. We both have so much to learn from these people. They don't mean to be harsh but they are coming from a place that is so very different from your experience. But it's something to aim for as despite anything you go through I think you can come from that place too, and demand more ❤️[/quote]
@InABetterPlaceNow you have. Thank you ❤️

I've fought with myself all day not to ask MrStone over this evening or tomorrow, for company, because I know he'd come, and I'd be using him so it's not fair. It would give him hope/he'd probably try to stay over.

I did text him a photo of my sausage rolls and he offered to come over tomorrow to help with eating all my food. I said maybe BD, so we've agreed a walk and then snacks. Originally we were due to meet on 30th for a day trip.

And it's all just to distract me from MrWG of course.

Hey ho, only a few more days and I can get back to my pension statements!

Is a distraction really that bad @VanGoghsDog ? If your not promising anything you can’t deliver or lying to the bloke, could be just what you need

@Misty9 I was thinking of going for a run tomorrow(I hate running but the gym is shut on Christmas day and boxing day) before going to my parents for lunch then home to the soaps. I had thought about going to see friends in London in the evening but that means driving home late at night. I suppose at least I'm out for a couple of hours tomorrow and will see some people.

@Catcrazy83

Is a distraction really that bad *@VanGoghsDog* ? If your not promising anything you can’t deliver or lying to the bloke, could be just what you need

It's not fair on him when I know he wants more.

And last year I dated a guy briefly in the summer, it didn't really work for me so I ended it, he wanted to stay friends, which I was OK with. He hinted for a Christmas dinner invite which I really didn't want to do, but we had a CD walk and mulled wine and mince pies and I gave him a gift (I enjoy giving nice gifts). And he really thought he was in and it took me ages to get rid of him, he made up a story in his head that I only didn't want to see him due to Covid and that we were just waiting for the all clear. I didn't find this out until May!

I don't want another situation like that. Funnily enough they have the same first name!

Oh fair enough, if you know he’ll secretly be angling for more.
Nothing worse than guest not taking the hint and overstaying their welcome

Thanks for all your kind comments @Misty9 @Catcrazy83 @SortingItOut

You’re right, it’s just this time of year and seeing all the happy families. Even if they’re not really as happy as they seem from the outside. Hugs to you all for tomorrow.

Hugs to you @Stayingstrongish ❤️

Happy Christmas all! ❤️🎄🎅🏻🧑‍🎄🔔😘😘

You lovely lovely threaders. Have the merriest of Christmases. Or survive it; it's only a day out of 365 after all. You really are the most wonderful little community and my life is richer for having you all in it. I have to get up soon to put the oven on so goodnight to you all and Merry Christmas! 🎄🎅🍾🥂🥂🥂