Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote MayEye]@Isitreallyme1277 a dominos sounds perfect Christmas Eve food - I have a black cat over my shoulder eyeing my lap but her dog sister will not allow her to move near me

@VanGoghsDog baked Camembert sounds amazing - I must be totally slovenly because if /when I go to bed and it’s not made I just sleep without bedding [/quote]
I didn't like to admit it, but I have done that many times!!!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Who's coming to the meet up in February then? ❤️😘

Well, not MrGambit that's for sure!

@MayEye I'm stuck he is back on my lap and I forgot to get my gin🤦‍♀️🤣

[quote Misty9]@VanGoghsDog you're more patient than me - I unmatched someone after 3 days of no response! It was only the 3rd message between us and I thought if he can't be arsed now, it doesn't bode well.

I'm a bit fed up with the whole thing really. Even if Mr bat works out, it'll be sporadic contact at best due to kids and other commitments. Just feels a bit pointless sometimes.[/quote]
Not patient, lazy really. I wasn't engaging.

It went like this:

Him: lol, you're miles away (no hi, or anything)
Me: well I'm away at the moment but I live near x
Him (about a week later): lol it says 200 miles
Me: (what, don't you believe me then?) I was, but I'm back now, I live near x
Him: where were you
Me: (county)
Him: oh no, I could have done with a holiday
Me: (WTF!?) It wasn't a holiday, I was working while I was there. What do you do?
Him: I work for x sometimes, just retired after thirty years
Me: (well do you work for them, or have you retired, didn't bother to respond)
Him (a week + later): that's not so bad is it?
Me: (unmatches)

@VanGoghsDog 😂🤣

Are you coming?

@InABetterPlaceNow

He sounds lovely but I'd be very wary of that dream sequence, I don't think dreams are usually that clear!

How is he dreaming about your kids when he's never met them?

(Reflecting on my previous post).

Doesn't matter for me if he's future faking or whatever. I've told him I see us at least lasting a few more months 🙄 Could be me creating distance but I'm OK with that. We've had plenty of deep talks to get a good sense of who he is and when I've challenged him on life stuff (which I know I shouldn't at this point but it's my first proper relationship out of stupid toxic ones so would rather lose them early on) he takes it in his stride and calmly explains things (what a douche 🙄😅).

Just going to keep being mindful whilst also enjoying him. He's absolutely a positive influence in my life (while also no loss after the initial tears of it breaks down).

Just wish he didn't bloody have Covid as I really wanted to see him early next week 😂😂

@InABetterPlaceNow

(Reflecting on my previous post).

Doesn't matter for me if he's future faking or whatever. I've told him I see us at least lasting a few more months 🙄 Could be me creating distance but I'm OK with that. We've had plenty of deep talks to get a good sense of who he is and when I've challenged him on life stuff (which I know I shouldn't at this point but it's my first proper relationship out of stupid toxic ones so would rather lose them early on) he takes it in his stride and calmly explains things (what a douche 🙄😅).

Just going to keep being mindful whilst also enjoying him. He's absolutely a positive influence in my life (while also no loss after the initial tears of it breaks down).

Just wish he didn't bloody have Covid as I really wanted to see him early next week 😂😂

@InABetterPlaceNow sounds like you're onto a potential there ❤️

[quote VanGoghsDog]@InABetterPlaceNow

He sounds lovely but I'd be very wary of that dream sequence, I don't think dreams are usually that clear!

How is he dreaming about your kids when he's never met them?[/quote]
We've both talked about our kids - I think that bit is OK ☺️ I have a good sense of his DD and he has a good sense of my DDs just because they are both important to us. It was a passing thing, playing a board game type thing with us all before we wrap up Xmas eve.

I'm against the norm here in that I'd like a blended family. We've talked about if we want future kids, he was a "no" I said "I don't mind either way... I wouldn't be DEVASTATED if it happened" which made me suddenly realise I'm done mid convo 😂 though we both agreed if it happened to be blue... pity you can't choose that 😂😂

I kinda give up too @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards just because I'm not really sure how or what to advise. Me and pp have similar/same conditions and of course it's different for everyone, in both severity and how you deal with it, but I worry about your assumed dependence on a partner/boyfriend to care for you. Your vulnerability scares me as I think it leaves you open to abuse enter Mr Gambit
I think it's @SortingItOut who often says a relationship should enhance your life, not be your life. If I need assistance in the future, I sure as hell won't be looking to my partner to provide it. I like to be seen, and treated, as an equal and value my independence.
I know you haven't confirmed if the role play is sexual but I've known guys like this before, they essentially use you for wank material when they feel like it then drop you. Fine if that's all you're in it for too, but you're clearly not. Take care

@Heartbeats0708 I wouldn't say I'm dependent on men, I just want a man someday to tell me things will be okay, that he loves me, and I'd like a family so I could nurture and care for them.

What I was trying to say to Mr Gambit is that if me and him got into a relationship he would probably have to undertake some caring responsibilities (I don't use those words) due to my disability. I also told him that I might have fibromyalgia and I'm scared, which I am. I see no harm in telling him these things. We've known each other a while and he is aware I'm disabled. I wanted to make him think, because I don't think he's really thought about how things would be practically.

I wouldn't tell someone I didn't know so well those things and I wouldn't let myself be abused either.

I think if you all knew my relationship history you'd probably get why I'm so insecure.

My first boyfriend cheated on me with my transsexual ex friend, who then harassed me day and night and also took some of my property. (How I wish this wasn't a joke)

My ex, who I've mentioned before. He's a college lecturer and does similar work to Mr Gambit. I really loved this man and believed he loved me, he was supportive, and always there when I needed him. Me and him talked about marriage and children too. He's also a virgin, like me. We were happy until one day he turned around and said he didn't love me, that I was a shit lover, and can we be friends now?

That's why I'm like what I'm like. I've never been shown love by any man at all, romantically. I don't know what it's like, to be honest.

You've been extremely helpful with the things about disability, which I do appreciate very much ❤️

We've all got horror stories. My bf when I was 21 shagged my best friend while I was pregnant with his baby (I had a termination).

My ex I split with five years ago raped me, twice. After I left him I found out he'd been meeting women from the internet in hotels for sex the whole time (7 years) we'd been together.

I've been stalked, harassed, sexually abused, ghosted, dumped, cheated on (sooo many times) and more.

So, you can stop thinking you're unique in having had relationship difficulties. And if you can't move on from them counseling will help.

I wouldn't let myself be abused either

But @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you are by accepting his treatment of you. His continual blocking/unblocking/ stringing you along is abusive. If you wait patiently for him to unblock and then continue chatting as if nothing happened you are showing him you will accept this.

@VanGoghsDog

We've all got horror stories. My bf when I was 21 shagged my best friend while I was pregnant with his baby (I had a termination).

My ex I split with five years ago raped me, twice. After I left him I found out he'd been meeting women from the internet in hotels for sex the whole time (7 years) we'd been together.

I've been stalked, harassed, sexually abused, ghosted, dumped, cheated on (sooo many times) and more.

So, you can stop thinking you're unique in having had relationship difficulties. And if you can't move on from them counseling will help.

@VanGoghsDog I don't think I'm unique in having relationship issues, not at all. I'm just commenting on my own situation.

@VanGoghsDog so sorry to hear your history. Must be very hard to trust anyone after that.

@MayEye

I wouldn't let myself be abused either

But @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you are by accepting his treatment of you. His continual blocking/unblocking/ stringing you along is abusive. If you wait patiently for him to unblock and then continue chatting as if nothing happened you are showing him you will accept this.

@MayEye I meant I wouldn't let myself be abused as a vulnerable person.

@VanGoghsDog

We've all got horror stories. My bf when I was 21 shagged my best friend while I was pregnant with his baby (I had a termination).

My ex I split with five years ago raped me, twice. After I left him I found out he'd been meeting women from the internet in hotels for sex the whole time (7 years) we'd been together.

I've been stalked, harassed, sexually abused, ghosted, dumped, cheated on (sooo many times) and more.

So, you can stop thinking you're unique in having had relationship difficulties. And if you can't move on from them counseling will help.

Just big hugs. Similar tales though ofc a bit different. Makes me think we're bloody brave for getting back out there but most of the human race aren't shitbags (supposedly 😁)

I'm also not comparing my relationship history to anything like sexual abuse. I'm just commenting about what I've been though personally.

I’m having a bit of a wobble, having been feeling ok about Christmas. My ex will have the children and be with all his family for the afternoon and Christmas dinner tomorrow. I don’t even particularly want to be with all of them, I never looked that much forward to it in the past, and yet still feeling a bit sad.

I sometimes wonder if the amount of sex I have with Mr Beard is me trying to distract myself from the sadness underneath. And it works for a while but it’s not a permanent kind of happiness. A bit of a melancholy thought for Christmas Eve - more Baileys needed?!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I'm also not comparing my relationship history to anything like sexual abuse. I'm just commenting about what I've been though personally.

Yes, and my point is EVERYONE HAS!

So why does yours cause you to allow yourself to be treated badly? You need to stop blaming past history for how you behave today, take ownership and get some proper useful support.

@VanGoghsDog I know everyone has. I didn't say they haven't. I've not at any time said that.

I might not have been what you've been though, but I have my own hurts.

And take ownership for what?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I don't think the previous posts were an attack. Just a sense that we've all got unique experiences that mean we can give input that might be helpful.

A lot of people find their match early on and it just works. They deal with problems as they come.

I'll quote MrT when he says "you don't get to our age without some baggage".

Again, with much love, you can play a victim in life - and be taken advantage of by those who will have power over you. Or you can own the things that make you uniquely human and ask someone to meet you on these terms or leave.

I can only say that because I stayed a victim for so long. I'm over that now. I'm me, unapologetically. I know what I want and what I have to offer. I also know where I'm wobbly and communicate that (if I can't centre by myself).

We're all a bit broken is what I'm trying to say.