Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Do you think he might just want to keep things as fun? I.e never move on to anything more serious? Which is why he might not want to hear this stuff?

If so, would you be happy just to keep him as some light relief and enjoy what you have for now while taking steps to make things easier for yourself and eventually finding someone more available / able to meet your needs once you're ready to properly date? ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Sorry but this is all back to front.You are right that men will not want to get to know you because you are making it so difficult.I have RA and Fibro but it doesn't define me,and would never tell a potential date they would need to be my carer! It's all too much.You will
find someone interested in you as a person,not the disabled you.Plus you're young so can take your time.Try and have a good Christmas

@InABetterPlaceNow I believe he wants something more serious, deep down.

I mean, he wants to be a father, that's quite serious as far as I'm concerned ❤️

I'm just going to say this- my views don't apply to everyone that might have fibromyalgia/ CP whatever on this thread. They are my personal views, related to my personal situation.

My disabilities do define me
In some areas. I really loved my ex, but he didn't want to look after me.

Mr. Gambit hasn't thought about looking after me, because he's been 'having fun,' with me. Not my fault. But he'll need to think about it if we get involved, which has been my point.

As I said earlier, I've also had to retrain, because I've got limited capability in work. Because I can't to the jobs I've been trained to do.

So it does define me at some points. I won't be able to get away from it ever, however much I wish it to.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards
This is not a message I really want to be typing on Christmas Eve, the ladies on this thread have given you some good advice and as a male looking in I hope you don't mind me commenting

Everybody on here has some kind of issues, and these issues can be many different things, that's what makes us human

Now you have been very brave and opened up about certain issues going on in your life and I applauded you for that, it takes courage and strength to open up to strangers

You need to channel that courage and strength into leaving this man, do not communicate with him in any shape or form, he is not helping you one bit

Start 2022 a fresh, become a new stronger woman, you need to concentrate on yourself not on this man

I'm making it difficult because it is fucking difficult. It's not a simple thing for me. I wish more people would understand that, I really do.

[quote StartingAgain6369]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards
This is not a message I really want to be typing on Christmas Eve, the ladies on this thread have given you some good advice and as a male looking in I hope you don't mind me commenting

Everybody on here has some kind of issues, and these issues can be many different things, that's what makes us human

Now you have been very brave and opened up about certain issues going on in your life and I applauded you for that, it takes courage and strength to open up to strangers

You need to channel that courage and strength into leaving this man, do not communicate with him in any shape or form, he is not helping you one bit

Start 2022 a fresh, become a new stronger woman, you need to concentrate on yourself not on this man[/quote]
@StartingAgain6369 thank you ❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@InABetterPlaceNow I believe he wants something more serious, deep down.

I mean, he wants to be a father, that's quite serious as far as I'm concerned ❤️[/quote]

He probably does. Most men want to be a father at some point, many want a serious relationship. How is he showing you that he wants those things with you?

I really am in your corner. You deserve a kind, respectful man who will be with you for who you are, the whole you. Not despite your issues. Just because you're you, issues our no issues. You deserve exactly the same as everyone else. You may feel it will never happen because of your disability. Never forget that it doesn't happen for many people without disabilities. A wise person once said that the loneliest people in the world are beautiful women and shy men. I don't know if that's true, being neither of those, but I do know everyone is battling something. This is not to diminish your disability and illness or how they affect your mental health. I hope you find counselling helpful.

@WeWantTheFinestWines ❤️❤️❤️

He keeps talking to me, I suppose.

I don't regret telling him about the fibromyalgia. I would tell any man if I've been talking to for a year or more. 😘😘

He talks about being a family with me and looking after me.

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@WeWantTheFinestWines ❤️❤️❤️

He keeps talking to me, I suppose.

I don't regret telling him about the fibromyalgia. I would tell any man if I've been talking to for a year or more. 😘😘[/quote]
How do you handle it when he unblocks you? Does he make contact first and apologise, or do you notice at some point you’re unblocked and get in touch? Do you discuss what happened?

@WeWantTheFinestWines it depends. If I know I caused whatever it was last time, I apologise. Sometimes it'll get in touch with him and we carry on where we left off 😘😘😘

*i'll

@WeWantTheFinestWines You've articulated very nicely what we've all been trying to say. @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, I've noticed people tiptoe around your disability (me included), because we don't want to offend, or minimise what you are going through. And you keep insisting it defines you. But*@WeWantTheFinestWines* is so right- we are ALL going through something on some level.

At the end of the day, you will do you as you've always done, but you can see the frustration we see as outsiders in that he has been consistent with not being consistent with you, not even bothering to meet you, and blocking you when he chooses to. This has been going at least a year- he can't meet as he is a teacher, preparing notes or whatever ridicolous excuse he gave. And when we point it out, you throw all your toys out of a pram, and say people are being mean or being disingenuous about Mr Gambit and his intentions towards you.

You are wasting your time (and youth!) on this man with nothing in return. You can't even enjoy the role play which I suspect is sexual, because he wants cheap thrills and you want more. If you were just enjoying it, I think we would all be less concerned.

At the end of the day, it's your life and I hope sooner rather than later, you will see you are deserving of so much more.

I do enjoy the role play, I haven't said I didn't enjoy it.

But the time will come when he needs to be serious.

He just has trouble understanding my real life, I think. ❤️

How's everyone doing with being organised for tomorrow?

I'm going out shortly to see the xmas lights around the town with DD (yearly tradition) and will buy the Indian takeaway ready for tomorrow.

Sending hugs and positive thoughts to those alone or who find this time of year difficult💗

I'll likely be on the thread tomorrow if anyone needs a chat or just some light relief....

I think I'm going to bail on this one now. Despite everyone looking out for your best interests and talking sense onwards you don't really seem to be taking anything on board. That's your call. Merry Christmas 🎄

@WeWantTheFinestWines I am taking things on board. It's just that some people are like 'you shouldn't have told him that.'

Why not? He's aware that I've got CP. If Ive got something else, I'm going to let him know.

If I'm taking to Someone for nearly a year, they need to be prepared in my book, that's all ❤️

.... and I've got a headache

@SortingItOut Indian sounds FAB! I’m going to have a cheeky takeaway tonight !

Merry Christmas !

@Languidleopard thank you for your sweet words

I am fully organised, all the veg & prep done, the bubbles are already out.

Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas!

As I mentioned b4 my ds is older, but I can’t let go of the the Christmas traditions, waiting until he’s in bed to put his presents under the tree. I mean, he sent me links and signed for most of the packages.

Will just be me and him in the morning, few hours at my parents in the afternoon and then probably back to thread in the evening. Seeing mrWa Boxing Day, cinema and maybe some shopping.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I think whatever you decide to tell him is absolutely OK. He just doesn't seem to react well to it, if he's blocked you again, so that might be something to think about.

Do you 100% think things will work out with him, given what you've had with him so far? Is it a good basis for a future relationship?

I saw a thing on MrTs FB from a long time ago from his ex where the question was "Could you live without me". His answer at the time was was "Nope". I mentioned this to him (because as we all know I'm not worried about saying the hard stuff 😂) and told him if I was ever asked that question, despite how far we were in the relationship, my answer would be "Absolutely. I'd just prefer not to".

I'm just worried you feel like Mr Gambit is some kind of unicorn who is the only person who you could possibly have a future with. It feels like you're excusing a lot of bad behaviour based on this. I guilty of this with men in the past.

MrT by far is one of my best matches so far in all the ways, but he has shortcomings too. The fact he exists in the world means there's plenty of other guys I could find something good with.

I might not be able to reply much more on it over the next few days as I have alll the party food and wrapping and Xmas stuffs to attend to but I wanted to leave you with a few more thoughts. If you want to keep going with him, no judgement as again, I've been in similar positions in the past. I just worry as I know it caused me more harm than good and left me with even more "stuff" I've have to consciously unpick now I'm seeing someone who's apparently both available and willing (in a boundaried way) ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards , may I ask a few questions?
⁃ Does Mr G know that you’re a virgin? (Nothing wrong with that at all, of course, but I’m just curious whether he knows it, in the context of the role-playing. Apologies I’ve got it wrong and the role-playing isn’t actually sexual.)
⁃ Have you ever spoken to him on a video call? Or phone call? Or has it always been texting?
⁃ Do you have any evidence that he is who he says he is?
⁃ What has he said he wants from this relationship/friendship? NB I don’t mean what does he want in general in life (eg children), but what does he say he wants from/with you specifically?
Sorry if it’s uncomfortable, me asking these awkward questions, but there’s a few things that just really aren’t adding up for me, about the way he’s behaving towards you. At the very least I agree with a PP that he seems to have his own issues/concerns, given the blocking/unblocking. And I definitely agree with PPs that this seems like a really unhealthy situation from your perspective and I’d strongly agree with SA6369’s advice - please listen to that and do as he suggests.

@SortingItOut yes I'll probably be here over the next couple of days, just for the general socialisation and nice chat Glad you'll be here too. Happy Christmas to everyone!

Hi all, checking in for a Christmas eve hello although I'm not feeling very festive as have had a migraine for 2 days :( it should lift overnight but I feel bad for the kids who are with me just for tonight and the morning. (all that is pretty outing but hey ho!)

I've got one iron kinda in the fire. I think I called him Mr Bat? We've not been able to see each other much due to kids and Christmas, but his communication has also been a bit less enthusiastic... So I called him on it and we spoke last night. He was very apologetic and said he does want to see me but things have been crazy. Fair enough. Its tricky as I'm on my own for most of Christmas, which no doubt I'll feel a bit shit about, but it'll pass and I've got a good life. And it's just one day.

So, a festive glass of something nice for everyone, especially those who like me aren't necessarily feeling it this year. Cheers!