Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@PurpleStripyScarf

He does know I'm a virgin, yes.

It's been mostly messaging (he's a bit sporadic with keeping in touch)

He's said he wants children, and he would want to get married ideally.

I know he is who he says he is, I know his full name and i did my due diligence when we first met.

I think he wants a family with someone, but hasn't considered much more than that, tbh ❤️

Thank you to everyone for welcoming on this thread and putting up with all my various ramblings! (and all the sage advice).

I'm so glad to finally be done with the shopping side of things. Have my festive White Russian in hand, and next things on the list are to get the party food on (as usual I have enough to feed an entire army and it's just me and my younger two tonight - but eldest will be back from a party later and nom the a lot of the rest! And we'll munch on the leftovers over the next few days).

Have all the wrapping for the kids presents to do tonight - this is the first year we're not doing "official Santa" - youngest DD has swore she's believed the last few years but that turned out to be a lie when we sat down to chat about it 😁 which means the first year I don't have to wait until stupid o'clock to do stockings!! 🤣😂 they still have lots of "stocking fillers" but they'll go round the tree.

I bloody hate wrapping hence none of it being done yet! I do this every year!!

We have the grandparents popping round tomorrow morning then just chill out with my girlies and far too much food.

This is my favourite time of the year because it's the one time I can truly put work to one side as EVERYONE is taking a break!!

@InABetterPlaceNow thank you ❤️

I think because I haven't had a lot of Men wanting to go out with me, and I'm getting older, I think I do see him as the only man that I can be with. I just don't have the energy to talk to and meet someone new right now, I'm just feeling really drained. I don't think I've got a lot to offer at the moment. I'm just struggling with everything. Most of the week I'm either asleep or aching somewhere. 😘😘

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@InABetterPlaceNow thank you ❤️

I think because I haven't had a lot of Men wanting to go out with me, and I'm getting older, I think I do see him as the only man that I can be with. I just don't have the energy to talk to and meet someone new right now, I'm just feeling really drained. I don't think I've got a lot to offer at the moment. I'm just struggling with everything. Most of the week I'm either asleep or aching somewhere. 😘😘[/quote]
Yup, I fully get that. I spent years in a situationship that had parallels when I just didn't have the physical or mental capacity for anything else. I think that's fine as long as you see it for what it it.

To be really honest, and I hope this is OK, I would be really shocked if he turns out to be your forever guy. If he's single, and fun for now, perhaps that's all you need right now? Focus on the fun with him and don't worry about the future because so much is changing for you right now with all the support you have in terms of your physical and mental health (which is fab that you're working on those!).

My biggest wish for you is that the doctors get your pain under control and that the counselling helps you see a better future where all these things you're struggling with don't feel so heavy. They don't need a magic wand, even making then 10% or 20% better will make things feel SO much easier, I have no doubt about that!! Even better if they can do more!

From that place you might decide you want something completely different in the dating world, or you might still decide what you have right now is "enough". You simply don't know until you're there, and that's OK!

Wishing you the best Christmas, take care of yourself first and foremost ❤️

@InABetterPlaceNow thank you so much ❤️ hope you have a great Christmas too 😘😘😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I've got no right to give advice especially considering the mess I'm currently in with Mr Cricket. But you are putting too much onto Mr Gambit, if he is blocking and unblocking he has issues and he is doing your mental health no good.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so you've never spoken on the phone to him or video called him. He's made excuses not to ever see you due to 'teaching'. He does role play with you knowing you are a virgin. Blocks you numerous times. This sounds like someone making a fool out of you.

You should find someone better.

The role play has nothing to do with being a virgin....

@Isitreallyme1277 thank you ❤️ thinking of you 😘😘😘

I've called him once or twice.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so you've called him once or twice but are talking marriage/long term relationships. Have you even met him? You fill up threads about a man who thinks it's OK to block you not just once but numerous times.

Well, I do want I long term relationship/marriage eventually, yes.

We just talk about what we'd wear if we got married, mainly.

He says he's too busy to meet with his work, and of course I'm not in the best of health at the moment.

So, you've only spoken to him a couple of times, never had a video call? How many photos have you seen?
I can't imagine what role play by text is but I sincerely hope you're not sending him explicit photos or videos.

You know he's emotionally abusive. And he's just toying with you for his own amusement. He knows you think this has potential and he has zero plans in that regard, and he's just laughing at you I'm afraid.

He blocks you when you stop being a fun plaything he can manipulate and start trying to have a proper conversation.
This isn't "your fault", he's an arsehole. And that's not your fault either.

I know it's hard but you have to detach from this leech. Lie on your bed with a cold flannel on your forehead and meditate on what you're really getting from it and how it is moving you towards anything you want.

You'll soon see you're getting nothing (other than an addiction to the adrenaline - and we all know how hard that is to break) and it's not moving you in the right direction at all.

I hope your counseling comes through soon so that you can explore these things authentically.

What you'd wear if you got married?? Give me strength.

A guy once asked me on a second date what wedding dress I'd like. I dumped him after that date.

He's taking the piss out of you. Sorry.

He just knows I want to get married. We talk on WhatsApp mostly.

(Sorry to derail but MrT has offered to sit on a video call later while I do all the wrapping. I literally love him in this moment 😂😂😂 I bloody hate wrapping!!)

I never even discussed with my husband what I'd wear to my wedding. I remember Mr Cricket telling me to take flip flops to the Isle of wight festival to use in the shower that's as close to discussing clothes with a man I've come.

How do you know he is who he says he is?

I mean I know he has a lot of work, but teachers can't do the amount of marking he does. He's not even a HOD.

He has time to swan off with his parents and his sisters and do whatever.

That's what I don't get.

I didn't even do anything wrong, I just tried to talk to him about what the doctors said, because I've not been able to.

I do say that I want to see him one day.

I know you all right, I'm sorry....

I know you're all right, I'm sorry....😘😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I know you don't want to hear it but I do think the other posters can see he's talking advantage of you, and that's not fair, at all. You deserve so much more.

It's why my advice is, if YOU want this to just be a bit of fun and can stick to it being solely that (because I don't think he'll give you anything else despite all the hoping and wishing - words are cheap as a PP said). However do it knowing there isn't a future with him. He's textbook in terms of saying what you want to hear.

It could be just right for you, knowing that right now you aren't in the right place for a physical relationship. However when you're in the place to be in one, I promise you you want want it with Mr Gambit anymore. He simply won't be able to give you what you deserve.

I've seen a lot of photos of him. He's sent me some, and some I found on Instagram.

I’m ready to start my Christmas drinking soon 😁 it’s been a long day as I awake a lot last night with a sore knee. Chinese takeaway is the plan for dinner as is traditional
I will need to stay up to do Santa but I have organised everything and just need to get it out under the tree when the youngest falls asleep. I will have my kids until 28th when they go to their dads until 1st Jan. I’m going to travel to see Mr L on 29th and hopefully stay to spend New Years with him. (Cannot wait to see him)
No food prep needed because I’m going to my sisters for dinner tomorrow which is a nice change
Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas Eve and also a good day tomorrow in whatever fashion you spend it.

I think the thing is with Mr Gambit is he thinks that he and a woman can just have a child and that's that.

@MayEye I had Domino's tonight and as soon as the cat moves I'll be on the gin! Need to order my tickets for new years eve soon too.