Dating Thread 221 - will this thread see us through 'till Christmas?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Catcrazy83 If you meet his kids will he expect you to join them for things and be 1 family?

My kids are adults but Mr K's son is only 10, although I've met his son a few times he doesn't know we are a couple.
Mr K doesn't want me in his son's life and I'm fine with that as I've done my parenting and don't want to get involved with younger kids again. We have no plans to live together so it works for us.

Could you still keep seperate lives if you met them?

We didn’t get that far into the discussion tbh, definitely a conversation to be had though, as just the thought of zoo days again is enough to give me a migraine 😬
I’ve been a serial dater for so long, I was only ever looking for a decent bloke, good sex and morals. I really should have thought ahead I suppose.

@Catcrazy83 laughing at your horror of potential zoo days
I think it’s perfectly possible to keep things totally separate as you want and if he keeps pushing for more you would have to ask yourself why - looking for childcare help for example
I’m the parent of the younger kids in my scenario and I absolutely do not want Mr L involved. I would like them to meet as the important people in my life but not enmesh him in our lives- just my life. I also think I’d like the kids to put a face and personality to the person I’m spending time with when I’m not with them to remove the ‘big dealness’ from it all!
I have met his 18 yr old son as he lives with him and we have exchanged hellos as he passes through the living room and that’s it - totally enough for me:)

@Catcrazy83 Having a proper conversation about it all is the key and hopefully you'll both agree.
I think once you're on to 2nd or 3rd relationships the need to live together or blend families is removed.

Mr K's son is very active and they are on the go all the time, I couldn't think of anything worse as both my kids were slightly geeky and enjoyed computer gaming instead of sports clubs.

Obviously Mr K mixes with my kids as they live with me but its more of an equal adults relationship due to their ages (25 & nearly 19) which works well.

Interestingly my daughter wants to go to the zoo on her birthday (new years day) and she'll be 19 but visiting the zoo with adult children is so different.

I assumed all parents loved zoos and that's why they had kids 🤔

(Someone with no kids who dies of tedium following everyone else's kids round zoos while trying to look happy)

Haha! Zoo’s and soft play were my actual hell. I physically flinch at the memories. Here I was thinking finding a decent one was the hard part….

@MayEye if it was put to me like you’ve just explained, a face to the name so to speak, I think I could work with that.

You’re right @SortingItOut the need to mesh vanished for me long ago. I don’t know if it’s as you say, 3rd roll of the dice, or b’cos I was single and Independent for so long.

Haha! @VanGoghsDog that’s why I stopped at one child

@VanGoghsDog

I assumed all parents loved zoos and that's why they had kids 🤔

(Someone with no kids who dies of tedium following everyone else's kids round zoos while trying to look happy)

@VanGoghsDog I went to the zoo on a date with Mr L recently and had a much better time than any visits with kids

Morning all. Loving the joy of the of the L word, even if the thought of it invokes fear for some. It must be wonderful to be with someone who likes you a lot - or even L's you - and I hope it happens to all of us at some point. If that's what we want...

Isitreally please wake up. He's not your friend. He's a user and a cheat. And a liar. He said dating was a disaster, didn't he? And then went AWOL and reappeared with a shiny new gf? Who's probably very excited about bagging the hot pilot and spending Christmas together already - meanwhile he shagged you behind her back. With no hands! Or protection! Run isit, run like the wind! He will not change. Find someone who appreciates and respects you or revel in the joys of singledom, but please get your head out of the sand. And never forget we're in your corner, harsh as we may seem to you.

Guys. I don't know what to do.

So today I tried to talk to Mr Gambit about what it would be like if we get into a relationship. We've known each other a year now, so i think it's appropriate we talk about these things.

We do role play with each other a lot, and sometimes he gets too hung up on that.

I try and talk to him about my potential fibromyalgia diagnosis. But he says we don't need to worry about it. Obviously I do need to worry about it, particularly wanting to have a family.

I say I'm worried about letting him down, about him being my carer if we do get to that point.

No, we don't need to worry about it.

I tell him that I really want a family and a partner.

He says 'yes, but you don't acquire things like that overnight.' Which I know, obviously. Being the most unlucky in love person ever.

I think he's umming and arring about offering me something more serious.

Now he's blocked me, again.

I think he's blocked me because I attempted to talk about serious things with him, I don't know.

Then he says 'we're having fun, you don't need to worry about what will happen further down the road.' I can't help it. He's always known my health is iffy. Yes, games are fun, but sometimes I need to think seriously.

Why can't I just find someone who loves me?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Whst are you role playing?

You posted recently that your mum thought he was emotionally abusive and I have to agree, no normal person blocks and unblocks people, its unkind and messes with peoples mental health.

Why can't I just find someone who loves me
Because you're wasting time on Mr Gambit and not looking for a man who will love you.
Mr Gambit has made it clear nothing will happen so why are you bothering with him?
Invest your valuable time in keeping mentally well and then finding someone decent.

It's like everything I'm saying is a surprise to him.

[quote SortingItOut]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Whst are you role playing?

You posted recently that your mum thought he was emotionally abusive and I have to agree, no normal person blocks and unblocks people, its unkind and messes with peoples mental health.

Why can't I just find someone who loves me
Because you're wasting time on Mr Gambit and not looking for a man who will love you.
Mr Gambit has made it clear nothing will happen so why are you bothering with him?
Invest your valuable time in keeping mentally well and then finding someone decent.[/quote]
@SortingItOut I won't say what kind of role play we do, because it's outing.

I probably should not have started talking about it, but it's worrying me. I get scared about what I'll become.

I think I bother with him because he believes in me as a person, no other man has. well, my ex did at the beginning, but then everything turned to dust there.

I'm just so scared.

Bella just dropping in here from a quick break in building the harem 😁. I know, I know ... but someone's got to do it 😍😄

All is well, MrBear got blocked without an answer, MrDublin is a fantastic cook and an absolute hoot, MrPoet is a sweetheart and MrA is entertaining and charming. MrBeau still wants rescued but I've left it to texting.

The Bella Harem will be closed for business for a couple of days over Christmas and I wish everyone here a wonderful few days.

You're all awesome and I've learnt so much from you
❤️❤️❤️🎄🎄🎄🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🤶🏻🤶🏻🤶🏻

@BelladiMamma

Bella just dropping in here from a quick break in building the harem 😁. I know, I know ... but someone's got to do it 😍😄

All is well, MrBear got blocked without an answer, MrDublin is a fantastic cook and an absolute hoot, MrPoet is a sweetheart and MrA is entertaining and charming. MrBeau still wants rescued but I've left it to texting.

The Bella Harem will be closed for business for a couple of days over Christmas and I wish everyone here a wonderful few days.

You're all awesome and I've learnt so much from you
❤️❤️❤️🎄🎄🎄🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🤶🏻🤶🏻🤶🏻

@BelladiMamma you too ❤️❤️❤️

Merry Christmas @BelladiMamma

Slightly jealous of the harem 😂🎄

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I really mean this in the best way- but here we go again.
Don't do this to yourself. Don't. He doesn't even see a now with you haven't neither bothered to meet, why discuss about a future? This is a big game for him, you're the only one getting hurt in the process.
Are you not tired of this merry go round? If someone blocked me once, that would be it for me FOREVER.

[quote Myfabby]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I really mean this in the best way- but here we go again.
Don't do this to yourself. Don't. He doesn't even see a now with you haven't neither bothered to meet, why discuss about a future? This is a big game for him, you're the only one getting hurt in the process.
Are you not tired of this merry go round? If someone blocked me once, that would be it for me FOREVER.[/quote]
@Myfabby because he needs to see that I'm not like other people. I wanted him to see that. I can only play games for so long, after all.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

And then? you get a star for being different from 'other people'? ok, good luck with that then.

Just don't expect the advice on here to be any different. And don't act surprised that he is consistent in his actions

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Guys. I don't know what to do.

So today I tried to talk to Mr Gambit about what it would be like if we get into a relationship. We've known each other a year now, so i think it's appropriate we talk about these things.

We do role play with each other a lot, and sometimes he gets too hung up on that.

I try and talk to him about my potential fibromyalgia diagnosis. But he says we don't need to worry about it. Obviously I do need to worry about it, particularly wanting to have a family.

I say I'm worried about letting him down, about him being my carer if we do get to that point.

No, we don't need to worry about it.

I tell him that I really want a family and a partner.

He says 'yes, but you don't acquire things like that overnight.' Which I know, obviously. Being the most unlucky in love person ever.

I think he's umming and arring about offering me something more serious.

Now he's blocked me, again.

You don't need advice. You know this guy isn't good for you.

What "role play" anyway?

Block him back so you can't get into this pain again, and delete him so you can't unblock him.

@Myfabby you know what I was trying to say, different from other people because of my disabilities.

And I don't want any 'gold stars' at all.

Happy Christmas everyone🎄🎁!!!

I'm de-lurking after stepping away from the thread for a while. Regular posters may remember me, I was the one who had a brief fling with the aptly named Mr Breadcrumbs. I've now done 30 + days no contact 😁 and feeling much happier and content generally. Would definitely recommend!

I'm planning a return to OLD in the new year 😬 so may be back on here for more mutual support 😁

Thanks so much to all of you for your support and tough love over the past few months - I appreciated it so much. Really happy for all of you who are enjoying mutually satisfying and supportive relationships with good blokes, particularly @Eesha 😊

Have a peaceful and happy festive season all of you 😘 xxx

@Languidleopard

Happy Christmas everyone🎄🎁!!!

I'm de-lurking after stepping away from the thread for a while. Regular posters may remember me, I was the one who had a brief fling with the aptly named Mr Breadcrumbs. I've now done 30 + days no contact 😁 and feeling much happier and content generally. Would definitely recommend!

I'm planning a return to OLD in the new year 😬 so may be back on here for more mutual support 😁

Thanks so much to all of you for your support and tough love over the past few months - I appreciated it so much. Really happy for all of you who are enjoying mutually satisfying and supportive relationships with good blokes, particularly @Eesha 😊

Have a peaceful and happy festive season all of you 😘 xxx

@Languidleopard 😘 xxx