Husband says he’s miserable in our marriage.

[AB10]

Hi everyone,
Just looking for some support.
Husband has been off with me for a while now. Just getting a feeling of distance / no affection / quick to anger etc. We have a young child and I suffered after the birth with PND so it hasn’t been an easy time for our marriage. We are married seven years although have been together for ten plus. Our relationship has suffered since the birth of our dearly loved child and I take much of the responsibility for that. Although I can be pernickety about housework etc, I have always loved my husband.
Although last night when I asked about his happiness and asking did he not want to be with me anymore, he agreed. And went on to tell me how we have no fun together, he’s miserable, there’s no affection. He even went as far as to say have we ever been happy which took me by surprise as we’ve travelled internationally together and have had some wonderful times. It seems he sees me as something just horrible and I am acutely aware of my faults and have apologised to him, said I was going to try and make him happier, that I was fully committed to our marriage. And his answer to that: ‘I’m sorry I can’t be more definitive’ as to whether I am committed. What am supposed to say to that?
He says we don’t laugh together and that at work everyone thinks he’s funny. He’s starting going out with a group at work more regularly. He just seems to have checked out and I can feel my marriage crumbling.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Unleash the fury!

Tell him it’s no longer his business what sort of Christmas you have had and nor will it ever be, because he is a selfish, self-indulgent prick who has destroyed your child’s family unit.

And then turn off your phone and enjoy the rest of your evening with your wonderful son!!

If you read “the script”, you would know exactly why he’s sending these texts. He is hoovering and button pushing. Someone has linked the script
above.

I cannot fathom why you’re still allowing him to text you and ruin your Xmas day with your Little boy.

I do think you need to stop the text communication. It isn’t doing you any good.
I think you said you had set up arrangements for your little boy so unless it’s an emergency you don’t need to text. Stay strong.

I will try. Thanks everyone for the support.

Block his number. You can check the messages at a time that suits you.

It’s hard to just shut off from someone after so long together. Also, you literally can’t believe what they come out with.

If you didn’t text back “Best Christmas ever” 2hrs after receiving it you’re a better woman than me.

He’s calling me too. I just cannot deal with the turmoil. I’m going to put my DS to bed and hope for brighter days ahead. 💔

You’ll feel better when he’s blocked or on mute. Switch the land line off too so he can’t hassle you.

He’s not allowed to harass you, you can have them arrested for that.

Keep being strong! You are doing amazingly!

Well done OP,

You are doing so well.

He has shown you who he is.
Not who you thought.

Believe him when he said plainly that he despised you.

Not when he decided you might still be useful.

You are 2nd choice here.

He no longer loves you, I appreciate that is very painful.

But he no longer has your back, he is no longer committed.

It might feel easier to take him back in the short term but you will never forget that he despises you and thought he could blame you for his behaviour.

Be glad you found out who he is now.

I am so sorry.

Likewise 💐

Focus on raising your son - make him into a man you can be proud of and build a strong secure family for him without your ex. You can do it.

Here’s to a brighter 2022 🥂

@AB10 What a tough Christmas you must have had with all this happening so recently. Sounds like you're coping amazingly well.

Did you have an affair with someone in the office and tell your OH you despise them? Not quite the same thing really is it.

@AB10

He just sent me this: ‘I really hope you and wee man have had a good day.’ I just cannot fathom his thinking. How on earth could we have had a good day? Yes, my son has been happy playing with his toys but his whole world had changed. Why can’t my husband see this?!

Because he's a text book narcissist?

Because you're cardboard cut outs to him? (And so was ow or he's have realised she wasn't voluntarily leaving for him).

Him pretending to be caring and thoughtful is more important than realising what he's saying is ridiculously ironic.

I'm very glad he's not with you and your family.
You're actually over the worst of it now.
Things will improve from here.

Never let him back in.

Don't answer the phone to him.
Leave him stew in it.

The affair was physical with just kissing

@AB10 They always minimize/lie but this is a new low. Usually they say it was just a BJ. So expect him to change/expand on his story a few times perhaps. In reality they shagged IMO.

@Winter2019

I know it sucks but at least he's honest..the child must be the priority

How is he honest?? He means the child and I must be your priority, you’re not important, and I will prioritise me, which is why I walked out and now that didn’t work so my life would be easier with you looking after me and my child available but not my sole responsibility so this is what I want and your opinion doesn’t matter and I’m not sorry for how I spoke to you and treated you and hopefully next time I choose to fuck off with someone else they don’t dump me because honeslty that was just unfair of the bitch, what about meeeeeee?? There’s no honesty there.

He's lying about just kissing, you cannot even begin to think of repairing anything until he's completely honest.

The more I read about what he's doing to you the more angry I get. I'm so sorry. He's done wrong and has spent the entire time since lying and manipulating you, along with trying to crawl back.
Please do not stay with this man for your son. Your son does not want to grow up knowing you are sad, because he will. There are endless accounts of children full well knowing their parents were miserable in their marriages and were relieved when they separated. Your son is young, it'd be better now IMHO.
He wants to have his cake and eat it. He should have thought about his son before he started cheating and telling you he despised you.

@mugglenutmeg

He's lying about just kissing, you cannot even begin to think of repairing anything until he's completely honest.

Which he will never be.

@schmalex seriously. RTFT.

The OW’s marriage has broken up; her husband has asked her to leave

In which case she'll probably try to reel your OH in again, if only temporarily, and he'll enter a period of blowing hot and cold with you while he makes up what passes for his mind

Best, really, that you make it up for him, because if it isn't her it'll soon be someone else with someone as cruel as this

Oh OP I am so so sorry. Everything he is saying/doing is for his own benefit - he has made it clear he doesn't care about anyone but himself and his needs.

My very good friend went through this with her exH and it was completely devastating for her. She couldn't eat or sleep, crying all the time. She tried to work on it, they did counseling and every week she was finding more lies (e.g. he said it was never physical, then she found out they had been sleeping together; he said he didn't see her anymore, then she found out he was going to her house in secret). It was just so horrible. In the end they split, and a few years later she has an amazing partner who is authentic and genuine.

She once told me that she would tell anyone in her situation "it really does get better, but if someone would have told me that at the time, I would have wanted to punch them..."

As PPs have said, you have got through the worst of it now. Don't look back, as all he will bring is more selfishness and pain.