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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband says he’s miserable in our marriage.

999 replies

AB10 · 16/12/2021 15:23

Hi everyone,
Just looking for some support.
Husband has been off with me for a while now. Just getting a feeling of distance / no affection / quick to anger etc. We have a young child and I suffered after the birth with PND so it hasn’t been an easy time for our marriage. We are married seven years although have been together for ten plus. Our relationship has suffered since the birth of our dearly loved child and I take much of the responsibility for that. Although I can be pernickety about housework etc, I have always loved my husband.
Although last night when I asked about his happiness and asking did he not want to be with me anymore, he agreed. And went on to tell me how we have no fun together, he’s miserable, there’s no affection. He even went as far as to say have we ever been happy which took me by surprise as we’ve travelled internationally together and have had some wonderful times. It seems he sees me as something just horrible and I am acutely aware of my faults and have apologised to him, said I was going to try and make him happier, that I was fully committed to our marriage. And his answer to that: ‘I’m sorry I can’t be more definitive’ as to whether I am committed. What am supposed to say to that?
He says we don’t laugh together and that at work everyone thinks he’s funny. He’s starting going out with a group at work more regularly. He just seems to have checked out and I can feel my marriage crumbling.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 19/12/2021 13:22

Loving adults, though I daresay you feel like killing him, that isn't what I was getting at. 😂😂

Electricbug321 · 19/12/2021 13:24

This must be so painful for you, but now is the time to find your anger, and use it to set very clear boundaries. Him being in and out of your home all the time is a total head wrecker for you and your child.

me4real · 19/12/2021 13:24

Sorry to hear that @AB10 . Sad How did you find out?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/12/2021 13:28

@AB10

There is another woman at work. She is also married with two young children. I don’t think I can do this.
There always is.

At least now you can just get angry. Instead of questioning what you might have done (obvs nothing)

RantyAunty · 19/12/2021 13:32

So very sorry OP. Flowers
These men all seem to carry the same cheating arse playbook.

As PPs have said, it was never ever you. It sounds like you have lovely family and friends to support you.

DixieSun · 19/12/2021 13:33

I'm so sorry OP

happychristmasbum · 19/12/2021 13:37

Of course there is OW at work.

Time to toughen up now OP. It looks like he thought she would come running and she hasn't, so he is now trying to speedily backtrack to you.

I really hope you have enough self esteem to know this is unacceptable. You are not his second best. You would not be able to live knowing she could crook her finger at any point and off he would go again. It's over Sad

How did you find out? Does her DH know?

Dindundundundeeer · 19/12/2021 13:50

Oh OP I’m sorry this hurts like hell. Try and eat and keep looking after yourself.

TheDuchessOfMN · 19/12/2021 14:01

I’m so sorry Sad

There usually is.

Original poster
AB10 · 19/12/2021 14:05

Thank you. My family are all here. I’m just lost.

OP posts:
BobbieT1999 · 19/12/2021 14:05

I'm so sorry, op :(

Do you have your mum with you?

Don't give him access to the house until you're able to get key documents together, in the meantime, lots of self care until you're able to do a bit more Flowers

minipie · 19/12/2021 14:11

Oh OP Sad I’m so sorry. It was predictable but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

SocialConnection · 19/12/2021 14:14

Family ♥️ the ones who care and are there. Do they know the full extent of what he has done? It's important he doesn't get the chance to spin a tale, that whatever narrative he tries to impose lands on the truth because you've already prepared everyone. Are you feeling ready to tell mutual friends yet?

Onthedunes · 19/12/2021 14:21

@SocialConnection

I agree, but if op does not have proof he will deny and turn this on her stating she is mentally unstable and making things up.

Be prepared for that op, this again will become the reason he has left.

TheCatShatInTheHat · 19/12/2021 14:25

I'm so sorry OP. You can do this

Cameleongirl · 19/12/2021 15:01

Did he tell you this himself? He’s such a weasel.😡 I expect he told the ow he’d left you and then she suddenly realized that she didn’t want to break up her own family….

Well, he’s well and truly screwed things up, hasn’t he. No one wants him now.

PinkiOcelot · 19/12/2021 15:10

So sorry OP. I’ve read the whole thread and just thought how glaringly obvious it was that there was another woman.
You’re doing great though. Flowers

User72614643 · 19/12/2021 15:21

@AB10

There is another woman at work. She is also married with two young children. I don’t think I can do this.
Well of course there is. None of this would be happening otherwise. He certainly wouldn't have said and done these things.
Fluffycloudland77 · 19/12/2021 15:24

I’d tell the dh, if your going down you take her with you.

RaisedByPangolins · 19/12/2021 15:26

I’m so sorry that the worst suspicions have been confirmed Flowers

The only good news here is that he has 100% followed The Script so far, so we can accurately predict every move he’s going to make over the course of this split and help you to be one step ahead of him. Just keep posting and we will all support you through this and out the other side xx

PlanktonsComputerWife · 19/12/2021 15:31

You poor woman. You absolutely can do this, and in the end, you'll be ok.

He is worthless.

Let everyone in your joint lives know what he has done.

92miles · 19/12/2021 15:34

Sorry about OP's update. Sadly so predictable. Just so unfair that OP took so much of the blame upon herself.
Not only do men like this get themselves embroiled with OW rather than address their issues before these situations happen, they also seek to cast the blame onto the wife. It's always the double-whammy and it can leave the wife devastated.

beastlyslumber · 19/12/2021 16:32

You are going to be okay, OP. Rest in the love of your family as much as you can Flowers

fedup1000000 · 19/12/2021 16:50

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. I can't pretend to even know how you're feeling. I just wanted to echo other PPs and tell you we're all here to support you. You're stronger than you know and everyone will get you through this. Wishing you all the best.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 19/12/2021 17:26

Ouch! So sorry to hear this op.