[quote InABetterPlaceNow]**@Eesha How lovely!! It sounds like you're building a wonderful foundation!!
@Isitreallyme177 Good job keeping busy! He definitely needs to figure stuff out. Just make sure you don't let him go down the "no decision" route. You deserve better than that!
@ibelieveinmirrorballs Yay! Well done for speaking to him about it and I'm so glad he validated you! I don't think it's being needy to state how you're feeling about things (though I'm guilty of thinking the same!) especially if you share the other things that might be playing in to you feeling wobbly that aren't about them. You can't expect someone else to be a mind reader, it's not fair on them, and we all have a different experience. Then hopefully they can meet you half way or at least understand you a little better - I think it's only really "needy" if you're expecting them to drop everything, but we want teamwork, right?!
We had our work zoom Xmas quiz today! Was made extra fun by sharing bits of it with MrT.
I won't go into the details but MrT video called me last night as he needed to vent about something and I was just blown away by how similar we are in the way we think things and also how respectful he is of other peoples thought processes. It was nice to be able to support him a bit and for him to let his vulnerability show. Had I not decided to already shorten his name, I definitely would have after that 😂
Weirdly, now I'm getting used to the non love bomby bit I'm also starting to pick up on the more subtle things that make me feel like actually, I think he might like me about the same as I do him at this point. Also realised I'm quite used to partners low key hating me (or at least seeing me as a miserable cretin who can be controlled) on some level, so that's a new thing to work on![/quote]
Thanks @InABetterPlaceNow. I feel a lot better for having been a bit honest about my feelings and a bit less “super cool yeh everything’s fine”. I wasn’t fine, I was feeling bloody awful . A lot of it wasn’t about him but ultimately after 2 months chatting it was starting to feel very not right to not share any of it, for fear of him running a mile. He was incredibly sweet when he called earlier. During our call on Wednesday I had for the first time shared a couple of stories about my toxic marriage and had said that I get very nervous sharing any details because I feel shame about it, as though I will be judged for having put up with terrible behaviour, as though it’s a sign I’m broken. I’m realising it is very hard for me to trust that other person.
I know what you mean about the ‘low level hate’ - more like simmering resentment in my exH’s case. Mr Mixtape seems to genuinely just like who I am and his feelings towards me so far seem straightforward.
@Isitreallyme177 another one gently warning you here. I’d be gobsmacked if Mr Cricket didn’t know you liked him and agree I doubt he’d have made a move otherwise. Be careful of him saying he values your friendship too… just try to ask yourself questions like “how does it benefit him to say this to me?”. In this case if he wants to keep you sweet and compliant, of course he’ll say that. He wants you not to judge him. He has just been unfaithful and is now seeing his partner. You are becoming triangulated. He has said negative things about her to you (or about his situation) in order for you to feel somehow closer to him - as you must feel “see how much he trusts me to share these thoughts!” - yet he actually gives his intimacy to another woman. You posted the other day that it was very nice he told you he’d arrived safely at his brothers house. Ask yourself, why do you view that as a nice behaviour but overlook his infidelity as a bad behaviour? Did you have unprotected sex with him, if you were concerned about pregnancy? Perhaps worth getting tested.
@Eesha your situation with Mr M sounds very romantic indeed..! Does he have children too? Very in awe of your mutual restraint but very admirable!