Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Got to Love a pair of Chelsea boots ( made famous by Queen Victoria), I’ve got a shiny black pair ( as any well dressed gent should have), and a great pair in oiled antique brown, lovely…

This makes me sound like an emotional halfwit in my mid-thirties, but just communicating an issue honestly, having someone take me seriously and respond is a really new thing for me?

I'm more used to making defensive jokes and then being secretly pissed off and upset.

So I'm happy I'm at this stage emotionally and this is something I want in future dating.

MrTescos messaged again, I think I'm just going to continue not replying - I don't want to block as that's too much of a "statement".

I think he's just being a pushful young cad/texting every female prospect in case one of them "bites".

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@BelladiMamma Yup, that's the ones! 😅 Honestly I've been mortified about them for soo long and thought I was the only one who could possibly be dealing with them so it's so nice to hear others on the thread have suffered! Apparently what I have isn't as bad as I thought, skin tags left from when I had them "proper" which explains why diet / creams etc have never shifted them! Will be nice to have it sorted.

In Mr Tux's wise words, "Everyone has a butt and most of those people will have an issue with said butt at some point in their life".

Yet another thing to stop overthinking about![/quote]
Awww hugs 🤗 for the over thinking. I also used to refer to them as a bunch of grapes. I was horrified when I first looked at them and now I'm just like - yeah, shit happens 😁

I'd absolutely ask someone to meet if i liked the look of them and they made me laugh over text too! Not sure what CoViD chaos is going on in the UK but we're getting new rules as off tomorrow and home-schooling is official again in January. Could one rule for the vaccinated and another for the unvaccinated or a lock-down. Luckily truck drivers are always allowed over borders! Yay!

As for running out of things to say i never do. I'm so chatty and whatever's on my mind i tend to bring up. Me an Magnet-Man have to use google translate sometimes so we get a lot of laughs when the translation isn't quite right. We've improved each others language skills a lot though. But Italian is so difficult... mainly to pronounce! He's wished me luck at the school meeting tomorrow! Yay!

@FabulousMrFifty i love that you'll be with your mum! It's sooooo cute!!!!! She's lucky to have you! Maybe next time with MsW get some tighty-wighty's 😂😉 and jump into bed with those on!

I’d be the same @SpringlikeBunk, I’d be comfortable when I felt they weren’t just going to disappear. It sounds very healthy, I’m chuffed for you (thus far) 😆

Good luck from me too @Naimee87 xx

Reposting from old thread (thanks @SortingItOut) - you lot are so vociferous these days! The dating life must be reaching peak Christmas excitement! 🤶 🎅

Anyway… where was I? Hi all - thanks for all your greetings and responses last week. Hope all your dating lives are going well. I'm utterly paralysed with terror over my divorce and the nasty lawyers my ex has employed, stimied by the rapid appearance of Christmas and the return of my kids from Uni/Europe which is throwing a spanner in the works regarding Mr G (as they don't want him here constantly and I don't feel I can just 'summon' him when they are away then throw him out again when they're home - there needs to be a compromise). Also I'm working right up until Xmas Eve which is not ideal!

Thanks also for all the advice around finances - and no, I am not going to give any evidence of being tied to Mr G financially until all this divorce crap is over and done with - and am indeed very nervous of being tied to anyone financially full stop (apart from a joint account for 'fun' things).

I really want to run away at the moment. It would feel SO good just to leave my life altogether and walk out of it and never look back. And that is WITH a lovely partner at home. Dating is one thing but the fallout of a bitter marriage to a malignant narcissist is something else. Mr G and I both have such awful toxic and spiteful exes, plus 4 teen/adult kids between us and busy work lives and I sometimes wonder if we will ever be free just to be together.

I hope the new wave of Covid isn't ruining things for you all. It is SO hard to contemplate going back to dreadful dates tramping round parks in the cold with a crappy cup of takeaway coffee. Am keeping everything crossed for you all that your dates continue well into the festive season

Hope you're Ok @UtterSocks and happy festive season.

If you want to namechange temporarily and post, I know there's lots of legal whizzes on MN who might be able to support you in the divorce proceedings.

@Shayelle2009

Yes it definitely feels very healthy as in I like him and he has been reliable and interested.

But I'm not feeling that whole intense/obsessive chasing/put PrincessBunk on pedestal vibe which I've had with other dates?

I'm definitely getting that from MrTescos and I've felt that a lot with past irons - a certain sense of "I like how you look and that's all,".

I don't really "chase" men (I loved The Rules and He's Just Not That Into You) who clearly aren't interested, but also it seems like I'm being forced to authentically engage with the Igel rather than just be all detached and "won over".

Which is new to me and kind of nice.

It kind of feels a bit like "innocent first boyfriend" vibes which I missed out on early on in my life and I didn't think I'd find at this stage?

@StartingAgain33

Hahaha *@InABetterPlaceNow* I've also had that issue on and off for ages...I think most people do?! It's great you can be open with him :)

Sorry I missed the convo re your chat @ibelieveinmirrorballs and was responding re the earlier one I think...I would also feel very deprived not seeing someone for four weeks if it was exclusive and would be thinking that it wasn't going to be meeting my needs. Which is fine to admit to yourself, and to be open about I think! I don't think it sounds like you were being forceful but instead just honest about where you're at? If you did want a serious committed relationship then that just wouldn't be enough for most people.

Thanks for saying that… I didn’t think I was being unreasonable - I wasn’t asking him to ‘up his game’ but trying to articulate that several weeks between meets feels hard to maintain without sufficient ‘frisson’. The other thing to mention is that he does indulge in it a bit - and initiate it - in the lead up to meeting but has more than once shut it down when it doesn’t suit him. I am pondering this evening whether I should start thinking about multi-dating, as well as make sure my life feels sufficiently full in other ways.

@SpringlikeBunk Yup, I feel this so much. Obviously I went completely loopy to start with because it was just so weird but I'm starting to settle into it. I'm a really good communicator (I think) and good at diffusing stuff but I've never had anyone meet me half way. So then I just sulk and get grumpy because I feel like I've done all the work. Mr Tux seems to work the same way but also be good with boundaries (which I'm learning from).

Side note: I almost want to push things label wise so I can call him MrT. 🙈🤣 obviously I'm not going to be but are absolutely, in no doubt exclusive now. Too early?

@InABetterPlaceNow how long has it been again?

@StartingAgain33 that's where it's complicated (I'm good at complicated). Date zero 6 months ago, "active" dating around 5/6 weeks.

Too soon. I just can't see anything changing for a least another few months (both focused on whatever "this" is for now). If I can explain it, as we're both good communicators, we connected a fair bit through text over an extended period (though large gaps in between). And my experience of him has been opposite from previous. I.e with him text < video call < F2F. Usually it's the other way around in that text is great, then F2F is a let down.

I'll cool my boots and still refer to him as Mr Tux. I just have no interest in anyone else right now (deleted my apps, as has he).

Did I mention he's teaching me about boundaries? 😂🤣🙈

Oh, and to add... I was joking about labels out in the real world. I absolutely refuse to be called his GF right now.

But between me and you guys, MrT feels more apt if that makes sense?

I'll keep typing it out but I want to keep this one.

@InABetterPlaceNow I don’t think that sounds too soon at all! You guys have had a good build up, I remember now :) You probably know so much about eachother!

Sorry, I keep forgetting who’s who. I’m awful with names - especially avatar names - unless they’re next to faces so I can build up a picture of a person!! I often end up not commenting on someone’s sitch as I don’t want to get their back history wrong! Is that just me?!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Yeh I did get where you're coming from - obviously it's not down to your iron to change his lifestyle or comms to suit you

But if you feel it's gravitating more towards "occasional dates on his schedule" and you want to feel more closeness and flirtation then I think it's good you're saying that what you have isn't enough?

Neither of you is right or wrong but it's just articulating what you're feeling and where you are.

Plus maybe I'm sexist, but I like to feel a little bit pursued rather than "scheduled in"?

I mean I am very fond of MrHedgehog for sure, and he's "on the right side of enthusiastic behaviour" so far (just about!).

I mentioned I found it emotionally tough having the big gaps in communication and he has responded to that - not with lots of phone calls but just checking in more.

But if he goes all taciturn on me (he's admitted he's a workaholic plus has a big existing international social life) then obviously it's his right, but also it's down to me to make changes or detach or multi-date a bit.

Like if he doesn't contact me much and then resumes in a month, I'm not sure I'll feel connected enough to prioritise him? Or if we meet then might be back to "first date" level.

[quote StartingAgain33]@InABetterPlaceNow I don’t think that sounds too soon at all! You guys have had a good build up, I remember now :) You probably know so much about eachother!

Sorry, I keep forgetting who’s who. I’m awful with names - especially avatar names - unless they’re next to faces so I can build up a picture of a person!! I often end up not commenting on someone’s sitch as I don’t want to get their back history wrong! Is that just me?![/quote]
Totally not just you!!

If you guys will allow me, I'll refer to Mr Tux as MrT from now on. In my mind, we are a thing. Due to my own head stuff I won't allow the label "out there" but I really do have a good sense of him, have put him through the mill a fair bit and I can't see things ending any time soon. Feels like a matter of time before true "official" status and if I'm proven wrong I'll be OK.

I've not felt this sure about something in a long time. I'm usually the ultimate cynic and the few relationships after ex I had one foot out of the door. I'm still firmly 2 feet in with this one.

(After last nights chat he sent through a series of beard progression pics of which I've nabbed a few as a widget on my phone. I do like his face. He's growing out his beard so I've offered to put fairy lights in them for Xmas. He was totally against the idea at first but I've nearly got him to agree 😂😂)

Oh my goodness @InABetterPlaceNow - that's an actual thing - beard fairy lights. Wow, the things you learn on the internet!

Lovely to hear that you're taking the step of calling him Mr T

@PurpleStripyScarf
Errrmmm that looks really dodgy!

@PurpleStripyScarf

Oh my goodness *@InABetterPlaceNow* - that's an actual thing - beard fairy lights. Wow, the things you learn on the internet!

Lovely to hear that you're taking the step of calling him Mr T

He would be soooo pretty 🤣😂🤣😂

He does not agree. It wasn't a "hard no" though 🤣😂

[quote StartingAgain6369]@PurpleStripyScarf
Errrmmm that looks really dodgy![/quote]
I have no idea what you're talking about... fairy lights make everything better 😅😂🤣

Again I'm joking. It's not worth the £8 😅😂🤣

However, I do like fairy lights and I do like teasing 😁

@InABetterPlaceNow
It's nice to have a bit of playful teasing

Fairy lights are good especially when you're cuddled up on the sofa with someone

But between me and you guys, MrT feels more apt if that makes sense? - only if he has a Mohawk and wears lots of gold jewellery 😂

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@VanGoghsDog
Yeah tricky, my Mum doesn’t want to travel, but I can’t leave an 82 yr old alone on Christmas Day, so that’s probably where I’ll be[/quote]
My mum is going to my brother's. Then he's going to be at hers for NYE. She didn't even ask me what I was doing.

Anyway, one one party down, two to go, LFTs permitting.

I feel better knowing I don't have to travel four hours away and stay in a house with people from London though.

Ten days more or less totally on my own is going to be so lovely! It'll be better if I don't have to isolate of course, but not the end of the world if I do.