Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@ibelieveinmirrorballs
Yeah Christmas is tricky, I have family in 3 locations and is a balancing act as who goes where and who can be with whom, think I’m going give a miss next year. Can’t choose your family etc.[/quote]
I've told my sister today that I'm not going down at all, blamed Covid, and said we'd arrange something in spring.

She said OK.

I feel better now that's out of the way.

Hello! Can I join in on this thread? Been lurking for a while but have only just dipped my toe into the waters of OLD - worst timing as Covid seems to be ramping up again! Are people still going on in-person dates at the moment? There's a guy I'm talking to online who I'd be keen to ask out, but I don't want to offend him by seeming cavalier about the Covid risk!

@BelladiMamma Yup, that's the ones! 😅 Honestly I've been mortified about them for soo long and thought I was the only one who could possibly be dealing with them so it's so nice to hear others on the thread have suffered! Apparently what I have isn't as bad as I thought, skin tags left from when I had them "proper" which explains why diet / creams etc have never shifted them! Will be nice to have it sorted.

In Mr Tux's wise words, "Everyone has a butt and most of those people will have an issue with said butt at some point in their life".

Yet another thing to stop overthinking about!

@Spruced

Hello! Can I join in on this thread? Been lurking for a while but have only just dipped my toe into the waters of OLD - worst timing as Covid seems to be ramping up again! Are people still going on in-person dates at the moment? There's a guy I'm talking to online who I'd be keen to ask out, but I don't want to offend him by seeming cavalier about the Covid risk!

Just ask him, l would have loved it a real life woman actually asked me out, just add some caveat around covid etc

@VanGoghsDog
Yeah tricky, my Mum doesn’t want to travel, but I can’t leave an 82 yr old alone on Christmas Day, so that’s probably where I’ll be

Fashion Help Needed

Mr K and I have been invited for Xmas Drinks with his friends at their house - this will be my first time meeting them😱

What would you wear?

@FabulousMrFifty Yup, agree with this - if you mention something around "Whatever you feel comfortable with re Covid" it shows you're being mindful about it / respecting his potential wishes. It would be different if we were in lockdown!

The previous being in reply to @Spruced - and welcome! ☺️

Ooooh @SortingItOut sounds nice! What about something like a little knitted skirt and sweater and boots?

@Stayingstrongish

Can I ask… do any of you find the talking aspects of dating/having a partner hard? Like finding new topics to chat about, making conversation, feeling at ease with them? I find the sex part easy… but when it comes to chatting, after several hours spent with someone I run out of things to say.

I think this can be tricky actually, the first few dates are okay, getting to know someone etc, building up (hopefully), to sex. But after that can be tricky, especially if run out of stories to swap. Then is more about building up the relationship and hopefully no one is going to laughing at you in bed 🥲

@Shayelle2009 Thank you, should have said I am warm blooded so I'm always stifling hot, I'm the one in the office in winter in short sleeves because everyone else needs the heating on🙄

Not sure if I can do a sweater in someone's house...

I was thinking skirt, tights, boots bit not sure on top..then I was thinking jeans and nice top

Aarrggh, too many options

@Spruced - I agree, 99% of people on dating sites wouldn't be there if they weren't comfortable/open for meeting? And it's all in the rules now anyway. There may need to be adjustments down the line if we get locked down but for now I'd take advantage of pubs and coffee shops being open.

Just introduce the idea and see how it plans out. welcome!

@SortingItOut

I guess just something comfortable for being in someone's home really! Maybe flattering jeans and nice top? What do you usually wear out with MrK? Just stick to that formula.

If it's friends I'd probably err a little bit on the side of conservative. If they're nice you'll all end up slightly tipsy and enjoying yourself anyway.

@FabulousMrFifty I can see you're still incredibly hurt by Ms Wales laughing at you, have you spoken to her about it or is it not worth it?

Yes, @FabulousMrFifty I was also going to ask if Ms W’s reaction from the weekend was still playing on your mind ? Whilst it’s fun to have these meets it can also lead to a certain amount of frustration as they can be sex focused and I get the feeling that’s not the sum total of what you are looking for.

Thanks for the positivity @FabulousMrFifty @InABetterPlaceNow @SpringlikeBunk! I was half-expecting a chorus of "No, what were you thinking?!" so it's both cheering and a bit scary to see that the consensus is yes! I've asked men out before but generally only in person or if I already knew them, so this is a bit intimidating. I'd just rather meet sooner as opposed to chatting for ages and risking the awkwardness of then not hitting it off in real life - I'd prefer to know if there's chemistry asap!

@Stayingstrongish

Can I ask… do any of you find the talking aspects of dating/having a partner hard? Like finding new topics to chat about, making conversation, feeling at ease with them? I find the sex part easy… but when it comes to chatting, after several hours spent with someone I run out of things to say.

Usually, yes. I'm quite good at small talk but at the point where you run out of stuff to say it feels really awkward. I guess this gets easier as you become more comfortable with the person? Or could always just fill in the gaps with more sex stuff 😂

At risk of sounding even more smitten with Mr Tux, this is one of the reasons I really like him. I think it's also why I feel I know him more than I should at this point. We've not yet run out of things to say to each other and I don't think we're anywhere close. There's only a few people in my life so far who I've felt like that with (one is my closest friend / "like a dad"), hence as I mentioned yesterday almost wishing we'd kept things as friends. I don't think that would ever have happened though as I also want to pounce on him 🤷‍♀️

I don't think that's a requirement though and something that gets easier with time if you can get used to the awkwardness!

@Spruced I usually waited for the guys to ask me out, but I asked Mr Tux for a meet asap (and we met within half an hour of connecting as he happened to be in a pub down the road!!). I'd had a habit of flaking but was really intrigued by him and wanted to find out sooner rather than later what he was like IRL. So id say go for it!!

I'm going to shh about him now as I'm feeling all fan girly 🙈

@SortingItOut @Onesmallstep67
I was just joking it’s really all fine, I have teased her about it already !.

If she had continued to laugh after I had got my shorts off, then I would have been worried!
I would say we are probably at FWB + at the moment, but I certainly want to explore the F part some more now

@InABetterPlaceNow "wanted to find out sooner rather than later what he was like IRL" - yes, that's exactly how I feel about it!

Well I for one think it's great that you're so happy about Mr Tux - lovely to see such positivity!

[quote SortingItOut]@Shayelle2009 Thank you, should have said I am warm blooded so I'm always stifling hot, I'm the one in the office in winter in short sleeves because everyone else needs the heating on🙄

Not sure if I can do a sweater in someone's house...

I was thinking skirt, tights, boots bit not sure on top..then I was thinking jeans and nice top

Aarrggh, too many options[/quote]
Sometimes I feel a bit envious of women as you have a much wider range of choice when it comes to clothes, but then sometimes not.

For me it would plain trousers, decent shirt, clean shoes (maybe Chelsea boots), and that would do for pretty much any occasion really

@FabulousMrFifty chelsea boots are the best! on men and women

Agreed with asking @Spruced, sometimes it's just obvious it's the time to bring it up bit they're being shy. I've never had a bad reaction when I have, I wouldn't even notice it was me doing the asking tbh!

@StartingAgain33 Thanks! Yeah, the messages seem to be heading in the direction of purely friendly chat and I don't want it to get to a point where it would be awkward to suggest meeting up for a date, if you see what I mean!

Ahh @SpringlikeBunk it’s a shame MrHedgehog is heading home but maybe having to move sharpish if he’s worrying about any possible restrictions suddenly coming in. Hopefully you can grow the connection over Christmas, it will be a good way to see if he stays in touch like he has been.
My dad and stepmum are having a mad scramble now to get over from France before the new locks kick in tomorrow! Thankfully they’ve got flights but it’s all a bit panic stricken.

@FabulousMrFifty agree with @StartingAgain33 all about the chelsea boots! Got myself a suede khaki green pair last weekend and I lurrrve them!
@SortingItOut I’m like you, would be too warm and it’s so mild out at the minute! Nice top and some mom jeans maybe? I’ve completely gone off skinnys these days.

@Shayelle2009

Aye I know, I'm glad he is now comfortable with "staying in touch and keeping me updated" though?

(I actually suggested myself he get a flight ASAP as long as his tests are negative, as I said if the borders close or there's issues there then at least he's got there?

He was worried about passing it on, but I said I reckon we're all going to get omicron at some stage so his family in Germany will catch it from someone if not him! Plus symptoms mild in most. I'm going through the same judgement call with elderly relative in January myself).

I did comment when we had that communication gap of longer than a week (and then found out he didn't want to be in touch as he had his accident/was worried about letting me down) that I'd prefer it if he kept me posted rather than just shut me out, and we "communicated" to find a solution?

I am kind of a twat (and of course I'm not going to martyr myself and wait a year for someone)

but also it's nice feeling like I'm actually a reasonable thoughtful human being with someone else?

It just shows how a few texts can really make a difference, I don't want daily WhatsApp "chats", but as long as I "know what's happening" I'm (generally) quite reasonable.