Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Though I posted a brain dump in the other thread on current main concern about Mr Tux, can I just share something really cute with you all? I'm pretty sure that even if what I posted ends up not being workable, I'm enjoying stuff right now...

X's are a thing for me on texts. Mr Tux and I started at xx and are currently and xxx level.

Randomly I got a xxxxx one one text then an immediate "so sorry, I wasn't being forward, I was on autopilot and it's in autocorrect when I message DD".

So I teased that whenever I get xxxxx it's a sign he's super distracted 🙄

Recently he sent a message with xxxxx's and said "intentional bonus kisses". So I've now said that any messages signed off as such have to have (ibk) tagged at the end. 🤣 it's working.

Bleh such a rollercoaster in my head.

@JustThisLastLittleBit

Checking in.

I would have told her about my reservations re the dog @WeWantTheFinestWines, so she wouldn’t ask again. Taking care of a dog you don’t like for two days is not fair on you or the dog.

My fingers are breaking with being so firmly crossed that travel restrictions to the US don’t get altered before next week. My wanky XH is fucking off there then, quite possibly for good, and I can’t wait - he is soooo bad for my DDs’ mental health…

I don't hate the dog and I will be kind to it. I just don't enjoy it the way I enjoy most dogs I come across.

Fingers crossed re travel - Go West young/old/middle aged man and don't come back!

startingagain your iron sounds lush!

isitreally I'm a Christmas tree snob and would rather be treeless than have a fake one, but I also grew up having actual candles on the giant tree we'd just cut down in the woods before coming back through the snow for home made mulled wine and cookies. So my childhood Christmases belong on a postcard and I can't even recreate them for my own DC. Sometimes I just need to chill out. Enjoy your tree and the lack of stress and faff it comes with 🎄

Hmm I also want to add... on my last brain dump post about arrogance / self assurance. It really hit me full blast last night and to this point has been an undercurrent. However, the poor thing also has massively damaged his knee and is on codine / another painkiller - his eyes were super dilated. Thought it might be relevant context!!

I’m a minimalist lifestyle person - I do like the Xmas lights in the city centre etc and would put lights out if “easy” but also nice avoiding all the hassle!

Will probably go to midnight mass for the singing then chilled out day, hopefully there’ll be a mental Mumsnet thread in AIBU to get stuck into 😈

(Something with parking and nightmare MILS)

Hello new thread!

I'm currently at
MrTeacher - 5 dates, great sex, no connection otherwise, just sent me the most banal text which ignored me saying I had a cold and was a statement about himself...I despair
MrTattoo - last spoke Monday for an hour and a half, love his personality and South London accent, not sure if we could make it work as a romantic thing
A few new matches on Bumble unworthy of names yet.

@Naimee87 I'm so mad on your behalf about the school. They sound like bullying, narrow minded twats.
@InABetterPlaceNow that is actually very cute 😍
@Isitreallyme177 I feel so sorry you've been through so much with going away to school and so on. Be kind to yourself. And get the prelit tree, fairy lights just raise the spirits!

Hello to everybody else!

@SpringlikeBunk I love festive threads where people go insane about inlaws/relatives/partners. It just warms my cold little heart! 😆

@MizK so what are you thinking of doing? Seeing where MrTattoo goes and then jumping? Or keep both going?

@SpringlikeBunk your Christmas Day threads!! Maybe start one yourself 😁. My break is to take a break from this thread. Which is the only place I regularly post. It's a bloody lifeline

@InABetterPlaceNow I didn't really understand the brain dump from the last thread. You think he's being manipulative or you're not sure?

@Isitreallyme177 another vote for getting the tree! Do it! Then next year if you get a real one you can have both!

@BelladiMamma its tricky. MrTattoo won't entertain anything romantic while I'm dating anyone even casually. He reckons he's too old to mess about so I think if I were to go there with him, he'd be all in. And I find that quite intimidating.

Did I see correctly that you have two date zeroes on Saturday? I die. You are my dating hero.

Checking in too. Going to name my iron Mr Mixtape —and hope that doesn’t spell his demise— 😝 I’m very excited about our weekend; we’ve both taken Friday afternoon off to make the most of it. The frisson-build has started… regardless of anything else the chemistry and sex is fantastic so my goal is to enjoy it all in the moment whilst keeping a toehold on reality.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Checking in too. Going to name my iron Mr Mixtape —and hope that doesn’t spell his demise— 😝 I’m very excited about our weekend; we’ve both taken Friday afternoon off to make the most of it. The frisson-build has started… regardless of anything else the chemistry and sex is fantastic so my goal is to enjoy it all in the moment whilst keeping a toehold on reality.

Sounds bloody amazing!! I'm so jealous. Enjoy 😊

@BelladiMamma Usual for my brain dumps! 😅😁 I don't think he's being manipulative. I'm just wondering if he's TOO sure of himself.

I think it's a dual issue:

1. he's honestly really smart, and that makes me insecure - for me to work on

2. he can come across as "he is the authority on this matter". This triggers ex vibes, but it's a bit different as he actually makes sense. But it's overbearing. An opportunity for me to learn to challenge him I suppose, I just don't want to come across as trying to change him either.

I'll just let it sit for a bit I think. He's already told me he's known for being the "blunt" one. He doesn't mince words. Makes it super easy to communicate with him and we get down to the root of issues quickly, it's just so different to how I operate.

My Xmas lights.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs

Checking in too. Going to name my iron Mr Mixtape —and hope that doesn’t spell his demise— 😝 I’m very excited about our weekend; we’ve both taken Friday afternoon off to make the most of it. The frisson-build has started… regardless of anything else the chemistry and sex is fantastic so my goal is to enjoy it all in the moment whilst keeping a toehold on reality.

Excellent news!!!!

[quote MizK]@BelladiMamma its tricky. MrTattoo won't entertain anything romantic while I'm dating anyone even casually. He reckons he's too old to mess about so I think if I were to go there with him, he'd be all in. And I find that quite intimidating.

Did I see correctly that you have two date zeroes on Saturday? I die. You are my dating hero.[/quote]
I see ... well fair play to him, he knows what he wants and what his boundaries are. Do you think you're having a 'grass is greener' moment or would you like to resolve things? Would you take a break from MrTattoo just to see how your feelings land with MrTeacher?

And yes, 2 date zero's. I am most definitely in sweetshop mode 🤣

I've switched my profile off Feeld and have gathered up the worthwhile contacts and they're all on WhatsApp / Signal etc ... 2 accents I love and so far all the comms have been fun. MrDublin is very respectful and cute, MrBet is a bit more filthy but that's fine, it's Feeld.

Still missing my previous irons and had to stop myself from texting MrA to tell him I'd booked a flight and I was on my way to see him. He's a lot of fun but he was more than happy to take all my time and attention but not go further than FWB...it doesn't really work like that in my book ...

And MrBeau. I just ended up recording a bunch of voice notes to myself about my feelings then deleted them. At least I got it off my chest.

@SpringlikeBunk

My Xmas lights.

My Xmas tablecloth

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@BelladiMamma Usual for my brain dumps! 😅😁 I don't think he's being manipulative. I'm just wondering if he's TOO sure of himself.

I think it's a dual issue:

1. he's honestly really smart, and that makes me insecure - for me to work on

2. he can come across as "he is the authority on this matter". This triggers ex vibes, but it's a bit different as he actually makes sense. But it's overbearing. An opportunity for me to learn to challenge him I suppose, I just don't want to come across as trying to change him either.

I'll just let it sit for a bit I think. He's already told me he's known for being the "blunt" one. He doesn't mince words. Makes it super easy to communicate with him and we get down to the root of issues quickly, it's just so different to how I operate.[/quote]
Ooh that wouldn't work for me. I've had an iron recently try to share some intellectual stuff in a slightly patronising way, in an area I have an actual PhD in. I just let him dig his own hole. He's actually quite a nice guy but I thought ... no ... please don't do that, stop with the mansplaining. I mean I'm really happy for people to explain something if I've asked them to but don't assume I know nothing as a starting point ...

Having said that I felt like I was getting a bit patronising to MrBeau just explaining to him things he should put in place to help his mental health. Not necessarily what he wanted to hear from me really and I did apologise.

Nice rustic texture @BelladiMamma

👍🏽

Thanks everyone I ordered the tree.

When I was speaking to Mr Cricket earlier he asked if I knew of any home help/carers as he can't shower/ wash or dress himself at the moment. I said I'd ask my mum as I know she was looking when my uncle was staying. One of her suggestions was I could always offer to do it!🙈

@SpringlikeBunk made in Italy 🇮🇹

Yeh definitely hearing you @BelladiMamma and @InABetterPlaceNow - it’s quite easy for conversations/dates to slip into “know it all” mode (for both parties) rather than connection mode.

I work with a lot of bright people and I do think there’s pressure sometimes to “express the wittiest or best opinion” which can be a bit joyless for everyone and can leave people feeling insecure and/or patronised.

I think talks and discussions can only go so far to connect you - physical contact or action or just spending time together can work better?

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@BelladiMamma Usual for my brain dumps! 😅😁 I don't think he's being manipulative. I'm just wondering if he's TOO sure of himself.

I think it's a dual issue:

1. he's honestly really smart, and that makes me insecure - for me to work on

2. he can come across as "he is the authority on this matter". This triggers ex vibes, but it's a bit different as he actually makes sense. But it's overbearing. An opportunity for me to learn to challenge him I suppose, I just don't want to come across as trying to change him either.

I'll just let it sit for a bit I think. He's already told me he's known for being the "blunt" one. He doesn't mince words. Makes it super easy to communicate with him and we get down to the root of issues quickly, it's just so different to how I operate.[/quote]
I think if someone is open minded and you can have good discussions with them where they're open to other viewpoints, then none of what you've said really would bother me. I like it in fact, because I like men who challenge me and make ME think.

I would be wary though of putting him on a pedestal re. smarts etc. Does he ask your opinion on things? Is he open to discussion? I would be wary of thinking 'he's really smart and he's always right anyway' because nobody is always right and there are very many subjects which are so nuanced that people should always be open to opposing or differing viewpoints.

@Isitreallyme177 what about his gf? I would imagine in the early stages of a relationship she'd be keen to do that ... just wondering why he's said that to you ... seems odd if it isn't flirtatious...?

Thank you @BelladiMamma! That's interesting. I'll need to mull it over. I saw his eyes glaze over (not in a bored way but a 🤯 way) when I was talking about what I did for work so he knows I'm smart too 😝 And he's said I'm the most intelligent woman he's dated (could be words).

I wonder if he's just used to being a bit quicker than the average bear. I'll try calling him on it when he's in that mode (actually already have, so we shall see what the reply is).

Some of it comes from insecurity and some from knowing he knows what he knows I think. But that's also me trying to mindread.

At this point I want to enjoy what happens on Sat (we've made plans now) and forgetting all that side of things 😅

He'll certainly be an interesting part of my life story even if things don't work out!! When I had the blip a week or so on OLD I was so bored swiping through.

@BelladiMamma I thought it odd too as I thought the same but he didn't even mention her. His mum (in her late 70s) is doing it all, he said his brother lives too far away to do much. I have said if he needs anything all he has to do is call(he can't text 😬).