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Only been married 4 months and I think it's over!
138

MissSparkle47 · 02/12/2021 12:43

Advice needed please-
I will try to keep it short, I am feeling very stupid and embarrassed. I have been with my partner for 9 years, he doesn't really get on with my daughters aged 18 (Uni) and 20.(own house with boyfriend) Some of it is justified as they have been rude to him in the past but they have also been nice to him. They have caused me a lot of upset in the past also. We live apart as I have a flat with my job and he has a house and his 15 year old lives with him week on and week off. We sold my house last year to buy some land to build our own house (hasn't started yet) we go between his and mine. My older daughter has recently announced she is pregnant (not ideal but what can I do) the hate towards my girls seems to be getting worse and worse, he would rather I have nothing to do with them. He has now announced that when we build 'our house' my children nor grandchildren will be welcome. What on earth do I do....there is no way I could ever accept that. It is not up for negotiation apparently.. so really what choice do I have??

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NataliaSerene · 06/12/2021 16:21

@MissSparkle47

Thank you so much everyone, he put it on his family's group chat. He could kill someone and his parents will stick up for him. I have left that chat now. It's not helped I've hardly slept and I'm running on empty. A long with working full time. I can't get an annulment the criteria is very bizarre. STD already married, married a relative so will need to wait a year. My anxiety is through the roof and just start randomly crying on and off. It's not helped by the job I do I need to be happy and jolly for my residents.
Or the time of year 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don't want to be so pathetic x

It's a terrible time, but it will pass.

I keep thinking about "Dirty John". The nerve of someone trying to come between you and your children. The difference is, you put a stop to it immediately.

Try to do some little kind things for yourself this evening and every day until you feel better. Put on your favorite comfy clothes, turn on a favorite movie, drink something nice (maybe not alcohol!) and light a candle. Take deep breathes and find a 5 minute meditation on youtube. Start the healing process.

You are good. You have this. You have an amazing new grandbaby on the way and now that you are rid of him your life is going to be easier.
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LaplandLucy · 06/12/2021 16:58

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PerseverancePays · 06/12/2021 17:11

It’s not always this awful. Take heart. If you need some help with anxiety/depression, maybe see the GP for some short term solutions, then ‘interview’ some counsellors for some much needed therapy to work out why you let yourself get so emmeshed with such a vile person. You will heal from this.
Grandchildren are the best! You have his beam of light coming to you and you can enjoy every minute. Take some time for yourself, be gentle. 💐

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pictish · 06/12/2021 17:12

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me4real · 06/12/2021 17:33

STD is already married, married a relative so will need to wait a year.

@MissSparkle47 What is this bit? Marrying a close relative is something someone can apply for an annulment immediately for I think, as it means the marriage was not legally valid. www.gov.uk/how-to-annul-marriage

Cousins is allowed though and would be subject to the normal divorce laws when it comes to that, so it would have to be a closer relative than that. www.mylawyer.co.uk/the-law-on-getting-married-a-A76051D76350/#link5

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LaplandLucy · 06/12/2021 17:40

@pictish

Fuck off Lucy you victim-blaming crow.

There is a line between victim blaming and absolving all women from all responsibility for their children. There have been threads on this following on from that poor child Arthur about how single parents need to start putting their children first and stop bringing random strangers into their children lives for them to be abused by them.
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CaMePlaitPas · 06/12/2021 18:04

You choose your kids OP. I'm surprised you're even asking what to do.

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FedUpAtHomeTroels · 06/12/2021 18:23

I'd visit the solicitors and get the separation all legal and make sure your money from the sale is safe and can't be taken.

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AhNowTed · 06/12/2021 18:29

So he wanted to share the profit.

Would be have shared the loss?

Nooooo.

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november90 · 06/12/2021 20:26

OP you could file under unreasonable behaviour meaning you don't have to wait the year!

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PicsInRed · 06/12/2021 20:37

So the land as much as he's tried this weekend in suggesting I do the right thing and give him half of any profit

He is an absolute comedian.

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me4real · 06/12/2021 22:25

OP you could file under unreasonable behaviour meaning you don't have to wait the year!

November is right @MissSparkle47 . I knew someone through here and she was able to get her divorce quite quickly. Covid will've slowed it down a bit but apparently it's about 9-12 months to completion now.

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Labellex · 06/12/2021 22:46

Defo look into unreasonable behaviour, save any texts of him being abusive nasty as it will only count in your favour.

How dare he try to drive a wedge between you and your family OP especially when you have a grandchild on the way, I know it probably doesn’t feel like it now but honestly this is probably the best thing you could of ever done you deserve so much better.

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