DH has arranged to spend Christmas with his parents….on his own

[Jisforjuggling]

This might just be the end of us.
The ILs live in a different country and don’t speak English. We stayed with them just before the first lockdown and he has managed to visit twice since (albeit once was for a funeral). We are booked to visit in feb half term. DH wanted to go for NY. I can’t. It’s a day travelling each way to get there and back and I have work commitments that just make it not worth while. I said he could take DC for the last week of the holidays. This would be the first time has has taken the children on his own and he knew I was apprehensive. I don’t trust his manipulative overbearing mother. This was huge for me. DH presents me with the flights he is proposing to take. He has turned this into an 11 day trip which also involves cancelling 2 long-standing holiday plans. I said no. I agreed to 6 days, 7 at a push. He says I’m being unfair and preventing him from seeing his parents. He sent me a text last night saying he has booked to go on his own for a week over Christmas. In 11 years we have never spent Christmas with his family….in his words ‘they don’t really celebrate Christmas’. It’s never even been discussed as an option. I’m considering telling him if he goes through with this we are finished. (Yes, iceberg and tip are valid comments).

The comment about Christmas came out of the mouth of a son who hasn’t been with his parents at Christmas in a decade. It seems like he was justifying never being there to himself, actually.

You have been entirely reasonable Op, and he has acted like a spoiled child. And some posters have chosen to ignore the facts in your posts.

You haven't ever stopped him going. You have visited plenty and invited your ILs to you every year. You had agreed he could take the children after Christmas, but for no more than a week, as youhave concerns about the children being cared for by ILs plus you want to see your children a bit yourself over the Christmas hols (and you have to work all but 4 days of it). You've done nothing wrong.

He however is acting like a spoiled brat. But he will suffer more than you. I doubt he'll enjoy Christmas Day as much as he would if he was at home, with his children. You can still have a lovely Christmas. But maybe start the new year re-evaluating your marriage?