Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Onesmallstep67 and @Shayelle2009 think this one is for you two mainly. This is the new man in my life, I love him already.😍❤

@Heartbeats0708 see my post above he is so adorable 😍

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I don't think I'm irrational. I think he may dislike me at the moment because I Didn't reply to him on Monday. I wish I had!

I must have ratted him for him to not talk to me since last Monday?

If I am a bit funny around men, it's because I just want someone to love me and want me. No man has ever seriously wanted me. My ex did briefly, then he got tired of me. And I'm still a virgin, which is bloody horrible.

I don't describe any responsibility to Mr Gambit for my happiness. I sometimes tell him that he makes me happy, which is a far as I get. And it's true. He does. I just don't like it when he goes off like this. It makes me feel like I'm rubbish and not someone that he's known for a year and chatted to quite happily ❤️

If someone has been chatting to you for a year, missing a message reply by a few days isn’t going to make him go off you. And why is being a virgin horrible ( or have I misunderstood this ? )

@FabulousMrFifty

Do men say they feel "lovely"?

Anyway, no, it was a lazy term of endearment.

@Isitreallyme177

😍😍

Hi, I've just found this thread and was hoping to join! I've just ended a disaster of a relationship so I've got tinder on my phone to keep me busy. I've had one FaceTime date on Saturday night. I was 3 hours! Nice guy, I just don't think I fancy him....

@VanGoghsDog

Do you see yourself as a "warming and attractive" person?

That said, guess I'd probably try to judge on the rest of the profile and communication, not everyone is a wordsmith or the slickest communicator going early on.

@Isitreallyme177

Love the eye colour - he's a beauty.

Yeah I do, maybe I’m a bit metro?

But at least you know the fate of the carpet factory now.

@NewlySingle2021
Hi sorry I'm just catching up - this is in response to your question on the last thread!
I reckon for a date zero in a public place it's absolutely fine if you haven't got their surname and checked them out online. You could spend ages going down that rabbit-hole (ie checking out their online presence) for someone who you might decide immediately upon meeting that you're not interested in, and it's never going to progress away from a public place so it'll have been a waste of time. I guess it depends on how many people you're meeting for date zeros and how much time you have on your hands.
Personally, if I then decided to go on further dates with them, I'd want to check them out online then - and I'd certainly recommend doing so before you move into a private space with them.
And if it's turning into a relationship then at that point I'd submit a Clare's Law request. I'm probably unusual in doing that, but (based on previous experience) if someone's got a record of domestic abuse then I'd want to know about it. It's very easy to do:
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clare's_Law

@VanGoghsDog and @SpringlikeBunk I keep going into the room he is in for chin tickles, he hasn't come out of the igloo yet. But I'm very careful not to upset my little chunky princess so she is getting lots of attention. She was nosing around the door when I was in there earlier but to give her credit she didn't hiss or growl she was just curious.

@Isitreallyme177 look at that little pink nose!!
@justaddcandlelight welcome! Maybe worth a date zero to double check? Just a quick coffee or something, doesn't sound as though you'd struggle for conversation, wow 3 hours on FT!

[quote Isitreallyme177]**@Onesmallstep67* and @Shayelle2009* think this one is for you two mainly. This is the new man in my life, I love him already.😍❤[/quote]
Ohmygoodness I could totally ditch the dating and just have one of these instead. What a beaut 😍

[quote Heartbeats0708]@Isitreallyme177 look at that little pink nose!!
@justaddcandlelight welcome! Maybe worth a date zero to double check? Just a quick coffee or something, doesn't sound as though you'd struggle for conversation, wow 3 hours on FT![/quote]
Oh yes I totally agree with that, @justaddcandlelight - unless you actively don't like him, it's worth a date zero.

@FabulousMrFifty you made me LOL re the carpet factory

@PurpleStripyScarf I'm just going to be a crazy cat lady I think.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@VanGoghsDog

Do you see yourself as a "warming and attractive" person?

That said, guess I'd probably try to judge on the rest of the profile and communication, not everyone is a wordsmith or the slickest communicator going early on.

@Isitreallyme177

Love the eye colour - he's a beauty.[/quote]
I've not responded!

I dislike both being called odd names and having my looks commented on in the first message. There's plenty in my profile he could have asked about. Like I asked him about the carpet factory where he lives (in a jokey way).

[quote VanGoghsDog]@FabulousMrFifty

Do men say they feel "lovely"?

Anyway, no, it was a lazy term of endearment.[/quote]
I have a very low tolerance threshold, am immediately put off by poor grammar or spelling, inane questions like "what's your favourite colour" or not bothering to move a conversation on, but a total stranger calling me 'love' wouldn't bother me at all. Darling or babe would annoy the hell out of me, but not love. I wouldn't mind it in a shop either. Don't really know why though, as I'm generally a cantankerous old bird. It's a fairly low key, non rage inducing word for me. Each to their own though, and we all have our limits.

@Heartbeats0708 thank you!
@PurpleStripyScarf i think we'll do a coffee meet up on Sunday.
Sigh. This whole online dating thing is tedious. The guy Im chatting to the most is over 70 miles away :( it just feels too far.

@VanGoghsDog is it possible this carpet guy is from the south west or has lived there? I hear “lovely” used all the time down here, more than anywhere else I’ve lived. Often by women to other women. It comes across quite affectionate but maybe I’ve just got used to it.

@VanGoghsDog

I guess it's different preferences - I'm Ok with my looks being commented on as long as its "not too specific or sleazy" i.e "you look great/stylish/beautiful" is fine, "love your tits, would you like to see my penis" is not.

I also have a real soft spot for terms of endearment/made-up nicknames when dating .

If MrCarpetFactory is giving you the ick already imagine there's plenty of other matches to be pursued in cuffing season?

@Isitreallyme177 thank you for the pic of your new man, so sweet.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@VanGoghsDog

I guess it's different preferences - I'm Ok with my looks being commented on as long as its "not too specific or sleazy" i.e "you look great/stylish/beautiful" is fine, "love your tits, would you like to see my penis" is not.

I also have a real soft spot for terms of endearment/made-up nicknames when dating .

If MrCarpetFactory is giving you the ick already imagine there's plenty of other matches to be pursued in cuffing season?[/quote]
"you look great/stylish/beautiful" is fine, "love your tits, would you like to see my penis" is not.

@PurpleStripyScarf

I got someone on Bumble politely saying something like "how was your Sunday? This morning I've played tennis" follow up with "do you want to see my penis?".

Game of tennis and sending dick pics to strangers, a relaxing Sunday plan!

[quote Stayingstrongish]@VanGoghsDog is it possible this carpet guy is from the south west or has lived there? I hear “lovely” used all the time down here, more than anywhere else I’ve lived. Often by women to other women. It comes across quite affectionate but maybe I’ve just got used to it.[/quote]
Well, yeah - Axminster, I thought that was obvious. 😂

He didn't call me "love", he called me "lovely".

It's not the only reason I've not replied, I didn't like his message generally. Plus it didn't appear to require a response and I get fed up of blokes who expect me to carry the conversation.

@Isitreallyme177 Lovely new man you have there😻

@justaddcandlelight If you've just ended a disaster of a relationship are you too vulnerable to be looking for a new partner?
No judgement here but I know its easy to join dating sites as a distraction rather than deal with any issues.

[quote Stayingstrongish]@VanGoghsDog is it possible this carpet guy is from the south west or has lived there? I hear “lovely” used all the time down here, more than anywhere else I’ve lived. Often by women to other women. It comes across quite affectionate but maybe I’ve just got used to it.[/quote]
Maybe that's why I don't mind it! I'm in the South East too and I'm called 'lovely' a lot. I quite like it.