Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Then again, I wouldn't know about STD checks... for obvious reasons

Thanks for your advice everyone. We haven’t been using condoms tbh. Which is why I got tested. Thought if I mentioned my test results it might be a good way to start a conversation about it and encourage him to get tested.

@Stayingstrongish

Thanks for your advice everyone. We haven’t been using condoms tbh. Which is why I got tested. Thought if I mentioned my test results it might be a good way to start a conversation about it and encourage him to get tested.

In that case yes, it would be good to know you were both clear. But, if he's not, you'll need to get treated and then tested again I guess.

I get tested after every partner, never had anything come up, even with the ex who practically shagged the internet!

@Stayingstrongish

Thanks for your advice everyone. We haven’t been using condoms tbh. Which is why I got tested. Thought if I mentioned my test results it might be a good way to start a conversation about it and encourage him to get tested.

Yes, it is. It feels a bit embarrassing at first but we're all grown ups and you're protecting both of you by doing the right thing

Thanks for the testing reminders @VanGoghsDog and @Stayingstrongish MrC got tested but also I've seen I can get free ones in my area so am ordering one, better safe than sorry! Seems to be the era of us all swabbing ourselves in the bathroom in various places

@SpringlikeBunk

Thanks for the testing reminders *@VanGoghsDog and @Stayingstrongish* MrC got tested but also I've seen I can get free ones in my area so am ordering one, better safe than sorry! Seems to be the era of us all swabbing ourselves in the bathroom in various places

It's the getting the blood from the middle finger I can't deal with. It takes me hours 🤣

I had to lie down when I took the blood as it makes me faint, and by the time I was OK it had dried up so I couldn't do it.

@VanGoghsDog

I had to lie down when I took the blood as it makes me faint, and by the time I was OK it had dried up so I couldn't do it.

I was almost tempted to film it as it was such a shit show 🤣

I do it every time though, I just decided that I should go the whole hog

@Stayingstrongish

So I got some STD tests done and they’ve all come back negative (great). Should I mention this to MrBeard or just keep it to myself? I just wanted to get them done for peace of mind.

Got STD tests done, all clear (as expected), as ms W says she prefers without condoms.

I was a bit nervous that I would have put a swab where swabs are not meant to go, but was just a blood & urine test, getting the blood out was bit of a mare, the sink looked like a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre blood really does go everywhere

@FabulousMrFifty @VanGoghsDog @Stayingstrongish to be fair I prefer without condoms too but there's not one contraceptive on the market that works for me. I put on weight, bleed for Britain or lose my sex drive. All in all I need to do a careful mix of natural cycles and withdrawal and condoms. And if I'm not 💯 with dates I get an emergency contraceptive - which happens maybe twice a year. Touch wood so far no unwanted pregnancies. The Gynaecologist I saw last was quite clear that I still had lots of healthy eggs but that a pregnancy was not advisable. 'At my age'.

@BelladiMamma
Last time I went to the optician she started with the “At Your Age” comments about my eyesight, fucking cheeky mare, she was dead young, about 40 or something like that

I don't think I'm irrational. I think he may dislike me at the moment because I Didn't reply to him on Monday. I wish I had!

I must have ratted him for him to not talk to me since last Monday?

If I am a bit funny around men, it's because I just want someone to love me and want me. No man has ever seriously wanted me. My ex did briefly, then he got tired of me. And I'm still a virgin, which is bloody horrible.

I don't describe any responsibility to Mr Gambit for my happiness. I sometimes tell him that he makes me happy, which is a far as I get. And it's true. He does. I just don't like it when he goes off like this. It makes me feel like I'm rubbish and not someone that he's known for a year and chatted to quite happily ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk

Thanks for the testing reminders *@VanGoghsDog and @Stayingstrongish* MrC got tested but also I've seen I can get free ones in my area so am ordering one, better safe than sorry! Seems to be the era of us all swabbing ourselves in the bathroom in various places

Is it an internal swap for ladies then, not a urine test ? , I just had to pee in a pot ( and all over my hand as it turned out, once you start you can’t stop ✋)

@FabulousMrFifty yes it's like a Covid test for your vagina, almost exactly the same swab and set up

Right turning everything off except my music and my bits of work. Can't stand this waiting game on MrBeau

yes it's like a Covid test for your vagina, almost exactly the same swab and set up

Yikes 😱 , can’t imagine putting one of those up the old 3rd eye, but then some men like sounding, but it just gives me the willies ( no pun intended)

Do not google cytoscopy @FabulousMrFifty

@FabulousMrFifty “it just gives me the willies (no pun intended)” - brilliant

@SpringlikeBunk great - I found it all very easy, free in my area too and just post the swab off, then they send results by text. No having to book time off work to go to a clinic, hurray.

@FabulousMrFifty

yes it's like a Covid test for your vagina, almost exactly the same swab and set up

Yikes 😱 , can’t imagine putting one of those up the old 3rd eye, but then some men like sounding, but it just gives me the willies ( no pun intended)

Yes, well, it's different. It doesn't go in the urethra for women (I've had that done in the past, it's just sort of tickly/stingy) just wipe round the inside of the vagina, which obviously easily accommodates a cotton bud. It's ensuring it doesn't get lost up there that's the issue!

How do we feel about terms of endearment?

So, a Tinder guy, he pings me, I say hi how are you. And he replies "good thanks lovely" (and some other stuff). I feel aggrieved at being called "lovely" as a name by someone I've never met.

Why do I? It feels over familiar or something. How do others feel?

I've not responded.

Checking in! Wow you lot have moved quickly over the weekend. Just about kept up I think
Yay for new cat @Isitreallyme177 would also love to see him when he's ready.
Good luck @BelladiMamma for dates with Mr Beau. Crazy how spot on your flake radar was re today though!
@Naimee87 also laughed at Puglets feast 😂 and the teacher is a twat. Definitely cc all comms/keep it to official channels.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I wouldn't take periods of quietness personally, I seriously doubt it's due to a delay in response/because he hates you. In all honesty, with online chats/no f2f it's easy enough to "switch off" when you want, or need, to give real life some attention.
@VanGoghsDog re terms of endearment, it depends if it's patronising. Your eg above doesn't sound it. Hate being 'love' regardless though- ick.
@FabulousMrFifty hope the arse is feeling better,doughnut cushion saved me post childbirth. Plenty of padding on mine if I fall 🤭

@VanGoghsDog it feels lazy, over-familiar and disrespectful when someone I’ve never met uses a term of endearment or a diminutive of my monosyllable name. Gets up my nose no end. I feel like saying ‘it’s Mrs X to you young man’, like Margo Leadbetter

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@PurpleStripyScarf

I had to learn that lesson myself (very harshly) that sometimes people can be nice and charming and say positive stuff but "they aren't into me romantically"

(if I hadn't I'd probably be posting analysing my new "alpha male" charming colleagues who are nice to me...because they're generally nice blokes and are used to working with and being friends with all people, not because they are personally attracted to me on a 1-1 basis!)

I just think that @Isitreallyme177 sounds lovely and deserves a decent reciprocated dating situation with someone who is into her, rather than getting stuck in a loop with these "non dating" men![/quote]
Yes I thought it was excellent advice. I imagine it's a really common trap to fall into

@VanGoghsDog

How do we feel about terms of endearment?

So, a Tinder guy, he pings me, I say hi how are you. And he replies "good thanks lovely" (and some other stuff). I feel aggrieved at being called "lovely" as a name by someone I've never met.

Why do I? It feels over familiar or something. How do others feel?

I've not responded.

Was “lovely”, the term of endearment or part of the description of how he was feeling ? I’ve noticed I sometimes say to people “good thanks, great “, not sure why