Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Shayelle2009 thanks for the new thread! Oh the pooch, she's not at all happy with her tiny portions and the moment and wintery walks, but has to be done. Funny thing is i had a bit of a falling out with my friend who often likes to have her overnight or take her on walks and FEED her. She took to giving her burgers and fancy salmon and i was on at her all the time about over-feeding her. Now i've no leg to stand on. Will have to think of a really good excuse not to get together this week if she get's in touch! Oh and i can echo the 'no work motivation' which has come at the worst time ever given i've a massive project due for completion in January. Fun times!

Not managed to catch up with the older thread yet! But sorry to hear about your bruised arse @fabulousMrFifty! Do you bruise like a peach.

@Isitreallyme177 i'm sorry it's all feeling so shit with someone that you had though you 'knew'. I've no idea how to tell whether someone is decent or just 'pulling the wool over your eyes.' But someone mentioned your new hair-style and gym sessions so you're doing everything you can to focus on you! Hopefully in a week or so you'll be over it. Maybe try get under 'mat-man' from the gym, ask if he needs some help decorating his tree.

@BelladiMamma thanks I have been thinking about retraining, I really got into my fitness last year and would love to retrain as a Personal Trainer but at the moment I am not a very good advert as I've got into bad habits and need to shift this weight I put on in lockdown and properly get my motivation back. The more I train with my PT the more machines I am learning so maybe I can actually start looking into that next year. It would also mean I would have to study the theory side of it and I like learning.

@Eesha thanks. I think Computer Geek was just truly messed up and damaged. Mr Cricket on the other hand seems far more self-assured and calm.

@Naimee87 thanks that did make me laugh 😂🤣

@Bangheadhere40 no he hasn't yet, although he read straight away. I can't work it out. How could I have been so wrong about someone, normally I am pretty good with people.

@Naimee87 no not really, I kinda slipped on an icy bridge and landed bum first on a concrete path, might have landed on my coccyx as sitting hurts, might order one of those dead sexy foam donuts cushions to sit on.

@Isitreallyme177
You should do that, one of mates was diagnosed with stage 4 a few years back, and he did a lot of gym work as part of his recovery and is now a part time PT and is looking to do white collar boxing as well

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma thanks I have been thinking about retraining, I really got into my fitness last year and would love to retrain as a Personal Trainer but at the moment I am not a very good advert as I've got into bad habits and need to shift this weight I put on in lockdown and properly get my motivation back. The more I train with my PT the more machines I am learning so maybe I can actually start looking into that next year. It would also mean I would have to study the theory side of it and I like learning.

@Eesha thanks. I think Computer Geek was just truly messed up and damaged. Mr Cricket on the other hand seems far more self-assured and calm.

@Naimee87 thanks that did make me laugh 😂🤣[/quote]
I think that sounds fab - plus you'll get into shape whilst doing it

MrBeau now coming tomorrow morning as he's still working in London. Have both admitted to nerves. I'll have fewer as staying closer to mine but I'm sure I won't sleep well tonight 😣 almost wish he'd just come down tonight and get the nerves out of the way, we could wake up tomorrow together and start our day of mini dates

@FabulousMrFifty I hated sport/games etc at school and always found an 'excuse' to get out of it but I love the gym and I love the feeling I get after a good workout. I skipped out of the gym on Thursday, that session was so much fun, even my PT said he had fun that session. My theory is if I can do it anyone can do it.

@Isitreallyme177 you've not done anything wrong, he's just being a bit self absorbed. When my best friend goes quiet, 9 times out of 10 she is knee deep in online chats which are far more exciting than me

@BelladiMamma what will you wear?!

@Eesha glad you asked. I've got no clue as we are going out doors / pub vibe but I CANNOT wear an anorak to a first date 🤣🤣🤣. HELP NEEDED

@BelladiMamma I always like seeing these glamorous fur coats over jeans and a sexy top? Don't underestimate how cold it is out there!

@BelladiMamma

Fitted dark coat, good hat and gloves, layers underneath, flat knee length boots can be cute? Agree with @Eesha if it's cold don't underdress.

Checking in. Mr Gambit is still not back. I'm guessing he really hates me at the minute ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Checking in. Mr Gambit is still not back. I'm guessing he really hates me at the minute ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I wouldn't over think things. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to be kind to yourself. If someone is making you feel like that a friendship isn't really worth it. I think a PP suggested developing other networks and friendships? Have you explored that?

@Eesha you're right nice shiny new relationship Vs less exciting 'friend'.

@BelladiMamma I'd wear something warm. A nice wool coat and boots, but it all depends on where you are going(woods/forests are different to park) If I did the whole walk outdoors and then pub. I'd be in jeans, trainers, jumper and a jacket (I have one which is nice and warm but a bit quirky, bit show jumpery).

@Eesha @SpringlikeBunk I have both of those options. I guess I could go smart for the first meet but sling wellies in the car plus my horse riding parka? As a pooch walk is on the agenda as long as it isn't raining.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Eesha you're right nice shiny new relationship Vs less exciting 'friend'.

@BelladiMamma I'd wear something warm. A nice wool coat and boots, but it all depends on where you are going(woods/forests are different to park) If I did the whole walk outdoors and then pub. I'd be in jeans, trainers, jumper and a jacket (I have one which is nice and warm but a bit quirky, bit show jumpery).[/quote]
Also his new GF may have asked for exclusivity or something similar so you're relegated to the 'old potential dates' department

@Isitreallyme177

I do agree with Cat in that you seem to be looking back at MrCricket through rose-tinted glasses.

From his point of view he agreed to be "superficial mates" and was clear he didn't want to date you, and you still seem to be looking for evidence that he had this secret connection with you?

But he never seemed keen at all - not replying to your messages or invites for days, or ignoring them, or only getting back to you days later?

(if he'd been attracted to you a "dinner invite at yours" would have had him running over immediately to attend!)

People can be nice, and Ok spending some low-key social time with you, without fancying you or wanting to date you.

I'm sure sometimes you have a pleasant chat or meeting with a colleague or something and say nice things (but don't really think about them after they've gone). That's probably how MrCricket feels about you.

I don't think he's a bastard or was using you or even thought that much about you (would he even have stayed in touch if you hadn't contacted him?)

Maybe he felt he'd made himself quite clear and didn't realise you were "reading so much" into coffee and lunch and the cinema, and putting him on a pedestal and seeing him as a future boyfriend and not dating anyone else because of him?

Didn't he say "not ready for dating/a relationship" originally? Isn't that the polite way of saying "I don't want one with you but I''ll be back on Tinder anyway"?

Sorry to be harsh, it just seems you're spending a lot of time on still analysing this guy who wasn't even giving you any signs he was attracted to you or was that into having you as a "really close" friend!

Easy for me to say just fuck him off, but that’s what I’d do!

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Isitreallyme177

I do agree with Cat in that you seem to be looking back at MrCricket through rose-tinted glasses.

From his point of view he agreed to be "superficial mates" and was clear he didn't want to date you, and you still seem to be looking for evidence that he had this secret connection with you?

But he never seemed keen at all - not replying to your messages or invites for days, or ignoring them, or only getting back to you days later?

(if he'd been attracted to you a "dinner invite at yours" would have had him running over immediately to attend!)

People can be nice, and Ok spending some low-key social time with you, without fancying you or wanting to date you.

I'm sure sometimes you have a pleasant chat or meeting with a colleague or something and say nice things (but don't really think about them after they've gone). That's probably how MrCricket feels about you.

I don't think he's a bastard or was using you or even thought that much about you (would he even have stayed in touch if you hadn't contacted him?)

Maybe he felt he'd made himself quite clear and didn't realise you were "reading so much" into coffee and lunch and the cinema, and putting him on a pedestal and seeing him as a future boyfriend and not dating anyone else because of him?

Didn't he say "not ready for dating/a relationship" originally? Isn't that the polite way of saying "I don't want one with you but I''ll be back on Tinder anyway"?

Sorry to be harsh, it just seems you're spending a lot of time on still analysing this guy who wasn't even giving you any signs he was attracted to you or was that into having you as a "really close" friend![/quote]
Ooh, ouch. This is (probably very painful but) very good advice, well said.

Haha @Naimee87 the tiny pet always ends up ruling the roost 🤣🤣 that’s a pain about your neighbour saying he likes you too, hope that’s not made you feel too awkward 😣

Sooo i'm deeply trying to concentrate on my work but my manager is sending such cryptic replies to my questions i just don't know what to do. 1) take a guess and hope for the best 2) go back and ask for a 3rd time what exactly it is i need to do? Any suggestions. She's a lovely lady but my goodness is she hard to work for.

@FabulousMrFifty well i took a real tumble actually the other week. I was doing the infamous 'dad-run' to my car where my DS was waiting for me. For some reason missed the curb with one foot managed to hold myself for a few seconds before losing control and then skidding properly onto the floor. Into a load of smashed berries. I scuffed my knee, elbow and hand and felt like such an idiot. At 34 could my balance be going... pretty scary thought! Lovely photo by the way, we had a ton of snow over-night it's so pretty! And i'm feeling mighty fortunate to be having to WFH again! Best Company Christmas Gift EVER! [GRIN]

@BelladiMamma I've really got no energy to go out and do much at the moment, unfortunately. Feeling really tired and achey and miserable. Still waiting on referrals and things from the doctors.

I'm overthinking because I don't know what's going on in his head, and why he's decided to not talk to me. One minute he's all over me and talking about the future, the next minute he's silent and not talking to me. The sad thing is I like him and can open up to him. I don't do that with many guys at all. He's the only man who when we talk, treats me like an adult and not a pathetic disabled person who will never amount to anything. My disability isn't an inconvenience to him either. ❤️

Hey @Naimee87 nice to be back - I think! hope the school stuff calms down - do you finish soon for Christmas anyway?

Lovely pics @FabulousMrFifty

I'm feeling less flat today and more accepting of where I'm at - which is a pretty bloody good place anyhow! I really recommend reading the book I've probably mentioned before, A Single Revolution by Shani Silver. It completely transformed how I think about being single. I haven't deleted the apps, as she suggests, just yet, but have a more measured response to them. Most of the time! So last night I had a recent date-who-realised-not-over-ex come over and we just provided company for each other, which was just what I needed (he may have provided something else too but... ) I've got a few message exchanges ongoing, one with a guy which has been a month now. We haven't met up because I had other dates before he mentioned it. But I might arrange that soon. He's certainly as deep as me! Meanwhile I'm enjoying not having to meet anyone's needs but my own

@BelladiMamma I think that's why I hold onto him. Because he sees me for who I am. Not many guys have done that ❤️

I do have friends, but they work full time and have busy lives, so i don't feel I can just ring them up, if that makes sense? Plus if I want to go somewhere my mum has to drive me.

I have my friends from my book club, but I don't see the often because they're dotted all over Brum! I've got our annual discussion tomorrow which I'm going to, because I'll be among people I know.