Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well I have some news (to distract you all from Mr Cricket) I picked up my new cat today. He is absolutely lovely, if a little scared and shy. Think he will fit right in to my crazy home and will make a great brother for my spoilt princess.

@Isitreallyme177

Well I have some news (to distract you all from Mr Cricket) I picked up my new cat today. He is absolutely lovely, if a little scared and shy. Think he will fit right in to my crazy home and will make a great brother for my spoilt princess.

@Isitreallyme177 ❤️❤️❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

He's probably just getting on with some things. It's nice that you've got an online buddy, but try not to ascribe too much of your ability to be happy to one person, it's a lot of responsibility for them.

I hope to God that when I don't message friends for a few days they don't start thinking I must hate them. Or think I'm annoyed with them fir not replying to a message quickly enough. It's an irrational reaction to be perfectly honest.

Just accept this casual online chat for what it is. I've had hundreds of chat buddies like this. They actually do peter out because without real life interaction there's not much to keep it going and real life takes over at some point.

Why not join a few Facebook groups and maybe set up a friendship profile on bumble to meet other people to chat to? Also, Meet Up has some online communities.

[quote VanGoghsDog]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

He's probably just getting on with some things. It's nice that you've got an online buddy, but try not to ascribe too much of your ability to be happy to one person, it's a lot of responsibility for them.

I hope to God that when I don't message friends for a few days they don't start thinking I must hate them. Or think I'm annoyed with them fir not replying to a message quickly enough. It's an irrational reaction to be perfectly honest.

Just accept this casual online chat for what it is. I've had hundreds of chat buddies like this. They actually do peter out because without real life interaction there's not much to keep it going and real life takes over at some point.

Why not join a few Facebook groups and maybe set up a friendship profile on bumble to meet other people to chat to? Also, Meet Up has some online communities.[/quote]
This is very good and wise advice ^

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I do have friends, but they work full time and have busy lives, so i don't feel I can just ring them up, if that makes sense? Plus if I want to go somewhere my mum has to drive me.

I have my friends from my book club, but I don't see the often because they're dotted all over Brum! I've got our annual discussion tomorrow which I'm going to, because I'll be among people I know.

Can you hold the book club at your house now and then?

@PurpleStripyScarf

I had to learn that lesson myself (very harshly) that sometimes people can be nice and charming and say positive stuff but "they aren't into me romantically"

(if I hadn't I'd probably be posting analysing my new "alpha male" charming colleagues who are nice to me...because they're generally nice blokes and are used to working with and being friends with all people, not because they are personally attracted to me on a 1-1 basis!)

I just think that @Isitreallyme177 sounds lovely and deserves a decent reciprocated dating situation with someone who is into her, rather than getting stuck in a loop with these "non dating" men!

@VanGoghsDog thank you. I get what you're saying.

I don't think we're buddies though. I don't know what we are Tbh, as We do have very personal conversations with each other sometimes. I think it's hard because sometimes he just vanishes when we've been talking for a few days or weeks and I don't know why or what I've done wrong, if anything. He always seems to be happy to talk to me during conversations.

I do have a Meetup account and have joined a few groups on there (I joined because my book club was originally on there) if I have a Meetup that I can get to and I'm feeling good with my pains, I will look into going. ❤️

@Isitreallyme177

Well I have some news (to distract you all from Mr Cricket) I picked up my new cat today. He is absolutely lovely, if a little scared and shy. Think he will fit right in to my crazy home and will make a great brother for my spoilt princess.

Lovely news 🥰

@VanGoghsDog it's held in a bar/restaurant in Birmingham city centre. ❤️

@Isitreallyme177

Well I have some news (to distract you all from Mr Cricket) I picked up my new cat today. He is absolutely lovely, if a little scared and shy. Think he will fit right in to my crazy home and will make a great brother for my spoilt princess.

that's lovely news!

Sorry for the typos. Currently wearing my indoor gloves, Which makes it hard to type on my phone!

I don't rely on Mr Gambit to be happy. I just feel better and more alive when chatting to him, I think. I care for him a lot and I always have. I don't even tell him much about my disability/ pain because I don't want to give him that sort of responsibility. He is aware I have a disability though. ❤️

He doesn't tell me how he really feels about me. I think that's difficult for me as well. ❤️

A new family member @Isitreallyme177 there’s some good news 💛💛💛

Must be a good girl and stay off the apps until tomorrow. I don't want MrBeau to get second best. When he went quiet, I switched my profile back on but have decided that it's not helping ahead of a date so am going to be a good girl. Repeat. Turn the bloody things off!

He'd better bloody show. Has said he's nervous. I hope he doesn't flake through nerves. Today was understandable, just a job overrunning.

Come on dating gods. Be good to me 🍀

Sending you luck @BelladiMamma 💚💚

Me too @BelladiMamma - it’s sounding good in my opinion!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good advice from @VanGoghsDog (thanks btw @VanGoghsDog for your post on the last thread - also v good advice) - I would say that if you only chat online (do you speak on the phone?) and have no plans to meet up, it’s going to eventually dwindle. Most people will eventually wander off - not through “hating” that person but most likely through boredom. Most of us are not looking for online penpals unfortunately.

@Isitreallyme177, lovely to hear that you have a new puss at home to love and spoil. Photo when he's settled in a bit ?
I read along most days although some days the thread gallops along and a lot of posts/questions/thoughts have already been addressed so me adding my responses isn't always appropriate.
My general view though is some people come on here and use it as a bit of brain dump or to divert some of their anxiety about a dating situation. None of us can possibly know exactly how anyone else is feeling, how the relationship is or was with the iron in question or accurately state what the iron's actions mean. The biggest thing I take from this thread though is that opinions and thoughts are offered with good intentions and to support one another. Sometimes we all need a friendly nudge to point out that something isn't as it should be. And to remind us that our needs and well being are paramount in anything we do and anyone we choose to let into our lives

Thanks for the new thread. Hope it’s a fun date tomorrow @BelladiMamma, I have a feeling he’s yours if you want him.

So I got some STD tests done and they’ve all come back negative (great). Should I mention this to MrBeard or just keep it to myself? I just wanted to get them done for peace of mind.

@Stayingstrongish

So I got some STD tests done and they’ve all come back negative (great). Should I mention this to MrBeard or just keep it to myself? I just wanted to get them done for peace of mind.

Has he had his done?

If not, I'd not mention it. If you both agreed to do them then yes.

@Stayingstrongish

So I got some STD tests done and they’ve all come back negative (great). Should I mention this to MrBeard or just keep it to myself? I just wanted to get them done for peace of mind.

Depends if you want him to do the same? This lot I've kept to myself. With MrA we shared although to be fair it was on his word only

It Will take me time though.... I feel useless and like a broken doll at the moment. No wonder I can't get a man to want me. I wouldn't want to be with myself if I was a man! 😂🤣❤️

@Stayingstrongish I would keep things like that to myself as it's personal to you ❤️

@Onesmallstep67 the voice of reason. You're very right. It's the depository of dating related anxieties 😁

Talking of which, MrBeau has gone quiet AGAIN. Aaargh. Lots of texting this morning, I told him I was sorting the dogs, texted him again then NOTHING.

I HATE WHATSAPP, DATING AND GENERAL ON LINE DIGITAL COMMS SOMETIMES

Never mind eh

STD checks isn't really personal when you're having sex with someone.

But unless he's doing his there's no point telling him as it's not as if you can stop using condoms and he might think that's what you want to do, without him getting them.

I can't talk, I had them last year, afaik MrWG hasn't and we had sex without a condom.

I'll get tested again before I shag anyone else though.