Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Eesha

Eeks, I would never say I needed a good rogering *@FabulousMrFifty* but then perhaps I'm repressed . Hope you have a brilliant time with Miss Wales.

I'd possibly consider myself a high earner but tbh I just like people who aren't tight rather than equally high earning. I definitely don't make it work as hard as others on this thread. Am taking notes.

Have taken your advice @BelladiMamma and wearing my series Sunday best on FRIDAY on my 2nd date. Things are still wonderful though he let slip that he told his mum about me .....

Woohoo 🙌🏽 get the Sunday best on 🥰

🤦🏻‍♀️ in my filtering process for FWB 1 & 2 I just had a voice call with someone who was really promising on the app and then WhatsApp and ... ugh ... his voice. Just so smug and entitled and over posh. Yuk. He told me I sounded like Joanna Lumley which I guess is a good thing but I couldn't exactly respond and tell him that he sounded like Simon Cowell. Probably loaded and doing well but UGH SO NOT MY TYPE THANK YOU. Plus he was wearing a signet ring on his pinkie 🤮

@Dazedandconfused10

Gosh I know I need to put more in pension but also my family don't tend to live to see their pension so I am reluctant... I invest, however, and overpay my mortgage. I guess I'm a high earner. I have a years pre tax salary in savings.

I'm worried this is intimidating to men my age however. When I look at my group of friends they all still live a home, or house share, no pensions etc. I dont want to not travel and do all the things I want because a partner can't afford it, I spent the last 10 years not doing stuff.

Its my birthday tomorrow and I'm now out for lunch and dinner with different sets of friends and I feel very loved, regardless of my single status

You may buck the trend and live til you're 90!!!

Hi all, I've dipped.into this thread over the years of OLD so hope you don't mind me coming back on... bit of an odd one.

I've been chatting to a man, planning to meet Sat. Something about him raises my hackles ever so slightly and I don't know if I'm being unfair! I think its because he sounds nice enough but he has a really strong American accent, including hesitating over using UK expressions and seemed culturally quite 'American' in that 'Californian' very positive, open way (apologies, I know this is a stereotype). I asked whereabouts he's from and he says he's actually from a northern city here (which has a strong, distinctive accent), and only spent a few years in the US as an adult.for work, I think he said 8. He's now lived back here longer than that and is mid to late 40s.

I know some people pick up accents a lot quicker than others, but I got a bit of a sense that it actually felt a bit inauthentic. He also went into a great deal.of info about his finances which I wouldn't have done straight off.

Am I being ridiculous here, could he perhaps have just really loved his time there and assimilated? When I mentioned his accent (politely!), he said that other people commented how English he sounds these days which he didnt to me. I'm prob not explaining well hence the ramble but would this accent thing seem a bit unusual to anyone else or is it just one of those things?? I'd understand better if he had spent 8 years there as a school child.

Hello @Yellowhighheels

Yes, I'm definitely with you on this, American accent when only lived over there 8 or so years hmmmmm, a lady I know in the village, born in Texas, lived there until early 20s married a Brit, moved to the UK only the odd word comes out with a yanky twang

Not keen on the finance chat either, mentioning money to me personally comes across as they are covering up something else

@Yellowhighheels I’d also find that a bit odd, and money talk straight away too (I realise the irony as I’ve been spaffing on about money here but wouldn’t do that with someone I was dating). I guess he could be nervous / it could be harmless but I would also find it initially slightly strange

Thanks both, I'm glad it's not just me going mad! I just get slightly dishonest vibes from him! Yeah, agreed about the money (deffo a different thing from mentioning it on here!)

Guede Morge (swiss-german) 😂

Just a early morning update on the exam, i passed 3 out if the 4 modules! So will need to re-take one early next year! Pretty pleased with the outcome though! Was a risky gamble, been ages since i've set any kind if exam. Let alone by a panel of truck experts quizzing my knowledge.

Thanks for all the good luck wishes @StartingAgain6369 @BelladiMamma @Isitreallyme177 @FabulousMrFifty @Shayelle2009 @Heartbeats0708 @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards @Misty9

and @SpringlikeBunk! @VanGoghsDog @WeWantTheFinestWines

You've all been so supportive! Hope not to have forgotten anyone! Love this group!

In other news:
My bum-bag wearing, eyebrow-ringed hot piece of stuff aka, magnet-man wished me luck and asked how it went. But looking like seeing him won't be happening tonight as snow is forecast everywhere. So would be too dicey a drive! Winter 🥶 is officially here!

As for the school they are still being total bullies! Another full week of appointments headed our way next week!

Congratulations @Naimee87!

@Eesha noooooooo i forgot someone so important!!! So sorry!!!! Thanks a bundle!!! 💜 Nice to hear MrMusic is 'hitting all the right notes.' 🤩 with you!

@Naimee87 wow, that's great news, well done you

@Dazedandconfused10 happy birthday, have a great day

@Dazedandconfused10 have a lovely birthday!

And congratulations @Naimee87, well done!

@Naimee87 Well done, you'll smash the last module next time.

@Dazedandconfused10 Happy Birthday🥳

@Yellowhighheels I would go and meet him because in real life its easier to see how much effort he has to put in to maintain the accent (and for the benefit of this thread as we all want to know if he's really a dick😂).
Actually don't meet him if he gets your hackles up as it would be a waste of time and I'm sure you can find something better to do with your time.

Yaaay @Naimee87 well done you 🥳🥳

@BelladiMamma I’ve booked my pcr at the airport when I land, they promise to email result by midnight the next day 👍

@Isitreallyme177 glad they’re getting on fine so far 💗

Happy birthday @Dazedandconfused10 🎂🥂

@Naimee87 fantastic news, keep on trucking! Am sure you will smash your next exam and be a full fledged trucker!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs sounds like such a fun weekend youre going to have with your iron, hope it all goes well and you have some good chats about everything.. good luck 🙂

@SortingItOut another 'thread-veteran' who absolutely deserves a huge thankyou' 🤩

@Eesha have a wonderful date on friday!! Is this date number 2? What have you got planned? That’s lovely he’s told his mum about you 🥰

Congrats @Naimee87 - well done for holding your nerve under interrogation! And great Magnet Man has been supportive.

@Shayelle2009 - thank you... I'm going to try and let him do most of the talking on the subject because I want to get a good sense of where his head is at and then use that to make my decision.

@Naimee87. Great job 👍🏼, I know you smash the last one, as NOTNW said 🎶🎶 I like Trucking, I like Trucking, I like Trucking and I like to Truck 🎶🎶

@Dazedandconfused10 have a great one 🎁🥳

@BelladiMamma

I'm also feeling the financial gap issues again. MrBeau said that the depressive episode he had was triggered by me being 'so sorted' and nicely set up. Other than MrA, the financial disparity has been an issue in every thing I've had even MrBear who was a high earner, he had no pension or any investments etc. MrPoet brought it up last night. Not awkwardly but it is a thing. I don't feel particularly rich but I know I'm comfortable and I'm maybe different in that way from whom they usually date. But I run a mile from 'suits' these days so unless I change my dating pattern this is just going to be a thing.

I know this is a few pages back but I meant to say I think it’s such a huge red flag for someone to say that you/your circumstances triggered a depressive episode for them, especially in this case having met him once! I’m really glad you’ve stepped away from this, I think you would have been walking on eggshells trying to avoid triggering any further episodes!

[quote BelladiMamma]**@StartingAgain33* @ibelieveinmirrorballs* from a fellow over thinker - it can get better! I promise you! Strangely all the therapy I did for the marriage breakdown helped me in lots of ways, including this. I just let go of other's peoples opinions of me and I'm so much happier. This doesn't always pertain to irons but I'm cured of that awful 'am I good enough for him' thing I used to get into.

@Isitreallyme177 just typing the above made me think of you and your various flakes. It's fine to have lots of different types of friends but make sure that you've got some real rock solid can call them at midnight because you've stubbed your toe type mates. And don't care too much about what people might think of you. So long as you're kind and authentic, which you are here, then public opinion be damned (oh and they probably haven't given you a moment's thought these people!!)[/quote]
Thank you @BelladiMamma I try and be true to myself and do have some amazing friends who have been with me through the shit times, dragging me out so I'm not sat falling deeper into that hole. The not being good enough goes back to school though, if you tell a child enough they start to believe it. Then my ex did it and it just reinforced what I had been told all my secondary school life(I hate what that boarding school did to me).

Congratulations @Naimee87 !

And have the happiest of birthdays @Dazedandconfused10 !

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I so admire your calmness through this whole time! You kept such a cool head.. hope he does want the same things as you and makes you happy, world needs a bit more happiness!
It’s lovely to see my dad and stepmum still happy after 21 years of marriage, she is so amazing with him, as he needs a lot of assistance, but it’s clear they love each other so much.. it’s very sweet 💞