TRIP WITH FRIENDS turned into nightmare - now I've lost both friends.

[Dogladyxo]

Hi All - looking for some advice really.

Myself, girlfriend (partner) and 2 mutual friends pre booked a vacation a few hours away. Also pre booked were 2 activities. Nothing is refundable. I did all of the research and booking as I enjoy it and everyone didn't know where to start!

Night before, something happened at work where I got a hard discipline and a talking to from director so I was very upset and distraught. I also suffer from anxiety/depression, although I know it's not an excuse. I messaged the group chat in the evening to say I can't go I'm so overwhelmed and ridden with sadness. (they could go without me) I then went to bed and both friends were incredibly upset and got no sleep as they didn't know if the trip was still happening. I woke up at 11 am, after a long nights rest I was ready to genuinely apologize and put this behind us.

Friend B write an essay about how inconsiderate I was, how they were up all night, booked 3 days off work ect and I wait till 11 am to message them. I froze up and my defense mechanism was to say lol and I'm going alone. NOT RIGHT at all but after half hour I sent so many messages till I was blue in the face of how seriously sorry I was. I felt horrible for putting everyone through worry about the trip. Eventually friend A (best friend) said she didn't want this to ruin our friendship and she will go. Then, friend a and b spoke and friend b was still furious and DEMANDING myself and/or gf refund them the whole trip money they paid.

Ultimately I feel it was their choice not to come on the trip. It was such a huge stressful conversation that friend b turned off her phone. Friend A turned around and said she changed her mind and this has caused her so much stress but for me to have a good time. AND she expects to be fully reimbursed for this. I said I'm sorry I cannot do that, this is your choice. Then she said never contact her again.

I sent a last message to friend B saying we will come pick both of you up anytime day or night during these 3 days, no reply.

WWYD? Saying "reimbursed" to me should be saying you need to pay out of pocket for this. I find this ridiculous as I can't even afford to pay out of pocket for both of them.

I'm upset this has ended with friend A and B ending our friendship.
I would love any advice mn can give.

[SliceOfCakeCupOfTea]

@BubbleCoffee

The fact that you wouldn't/couldn't make a decision until and hour before you were due to pick them up is just ridiculous and shows how little you think of them.

Not necessarily. Anxiety can cause a 'freeze' reaction instead of fight or flight. Sometimes, in the moment, you'd do pretty much anything not to have the awful anxiety - including messing up your own life, job, relationships etc. If you reptile brain is screeching 'dangerous!' it isn't easy to disagree..

Sorry but I disagree.

I have suffered with anxiety most of my adult life and have been medicated, put through CBT, slipped in an out of depression as a result. While yes I wasn't always the best friend during the bad times, I still didn't leave 3 people hanging knowing there were financial risk.

[SunflowerTed]

I think your friends will be happy to move on with their lives !