What do you consider a good/eligible man?

[Anonnyno]

Often see this expressed on dating threads: "all the good men are taken" or "the good ones get snapped up fast".

So just curious what posters consider "good" in this context. Obviously being kind, thoughtful, respectful, not a creep, etc, count - but aren't these something to be expected in any decent partner, rather than attractive qualities in and of themselves?

What makes someone "eligible" as opposed to just "alright" in your book?

Kind, funny and intelligent family oriented, good looking, athletic and healthy, ambitious and success driven. Bonus is great cook, houseproud and well read. Not much to ask

Honestly I don't know I'm fed up of lowering my standards and still getting played !

Aside from all the obvious things mentioned already, I think a good indicator, if they have children, is that they prioritise their children. Another good indicator can be how they speak about their exes. Overly critical, blaming, or misogynistic types are a big no-no.

An honest man. Someone who doesn't play mind games, or does the hot/cold thing.

The BIG four essentials are kind, intelligent, funny, and laid back (I can't stand people stressing out about trivial things or grumpy, sulky men!). Attractive obviously. Also just being generally interesting to talk to. Someone financially and emotionally independent, able to communicate well. Self-assured but not arrogant. And obviously being good at sex.

@Avarua

If you're looking for an emotionally healthy, good-at-relationships guy then one simple question can elicit pretty much all you need to know: are your parents together, and are they happy?

Obviously it's not his fault who his parents are but as a rule of thumb the men with happy, still-together parents is going to be a better long term bet.

Wow what an appalling comment. You should be ashamed.

@Avarua my DS is fucked then. Thanks.

[quote Milomonster]@Avarua my DS is fucked then. Thanks.[/quote]
Same.

It's not his fault his father left when he was a baby.

@ThousandsOfTulips

The BIG four essentials are kind, intelligent, funny, and laid back (I can't stand people stressing out about trivial things or grumpy, sulky men!). Attractive obviously. Also just being generally interesting to talk to. Someone financially and emotionally independent, able to communicate well. Self-assured but not arrogant. And obviously being good at sex.

Obviously honesty too but that goes without saying. Liars would go straight in the bin of doom!

@Avarua my ex-DH’s parents are still together. He’s the most insecure man I ever met and had zero instinct for parenting his own child. What does that tell you? You are living cloud cuckoo land, I’m afraid. Kids need to see two happy parents who will support their children regardless of their union.

Mine is strong. Everything about him is strong: Physically, mentally, emotionally. I can trust him with my life. He's a real alpha male but not in a showy, loud or self satisfied way. He's the real deal. He makes me feel incredibly secure and loved.

Good communicator and emotionally intelligent is a must.

Re earning potential, someone once told me, if you yourself are financial independent, as long as he earns something and can pay his way to holidays and meals out then he doesn't need to earn as much or more than you. For some reason we are coached to want a high earner. Once you let that go you open up the field to so many more great guys.
Kind and stable are the best attributes.
I know many men from divorced parents and even sons of men who cheated or worse who are great husbands and dads. They want to avoid what happened to their parents and make extra effort.

Really fascinating to read this thread, almost like some posters have a check list they work through, like evaluating a used car almost.

Often see this expressed on dating threads: "all the good men are taken" or "the good ones get snapped up fast".

Personally I think the answer to this is no (which I would say of course), but if you look at the HE stats in the west it’s something like 45/55 in favour of women so I think women have a smaller pool of equally educated men (if education levels are important), whereas educated men would have a much larger pool of potential partners.

Fascinating article in The Guardian
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/10/dating-gap-hook-up-culture-female-graduates

So many women on here saying 'good job' "high earner" - bit depressing really.

Loves sex, doesn't play silly buggers with money (no lies, minimal debt, no stupid holidays unless you can afford it), likes learning stuff all the time (art, reading, radio, podcasts, just getting excited about stuff.

@SarahBellam you've hit the jackpot with that one 😃

Sane
Kind
Solvent
Interested in the world
Has friends, and generally a relationship with family
Bright
Healthy
Funny (ideally)

Someone who is respectful to everyone around him - not just those he likes or who add value to his life, but everyone as a fellow human being.

Someone who is kind, and seeks to understand other people's perspectives and why they might be behaving or feeling a certain way.

Someone who I can always trust to behave in a loving way, even when the chips are down.

Someone who is interested in learning about the world around him, and expanding his horizons.

[quote FabulousMrFifty]Really fascinating to read this thread, almost like some posters have a check list they work through, like evaluating a used car almost.

Often see this expressed on dating threads: "all the good men are taken" or "the good ones get snapped up fast".

Personally I think the answer to this is no (which I would say of course), but if you look at the HE stats in the west it’s something like 45/55 in favour of women so I think women have a smaller pool of equally educated men (if education levels are important), whereas educated men would have a much larger pool of potential partners.

Fascinating article in The Guardian
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/10/dating-gap-hook-up-culture-female-graduates[/quote]
It's not just that, most men (note the most!!) do not like educated women. Or intelligent and mature women. There's SO much data on this.

@Eleganz

So many women on here saying 'good job' "high earner" - bit depressing really.

I agree. I am financially self-sufficient and would expect a man to be as well. I have no interest in their money. If I want money I earn it myself. It is incredibly depressing that women view dating in this way.

@SarahBellam

Mine is strong. Everything about him is strong: Physically, mentally, emotionally. I can trust him with my life. He's a real alpha male but not in a showy, loud or self satisfied way. He's the real deal. He makes me feel incredibly secure and loved.

This is great. So nice to hear about.

But without intelligence, knowledge, insight, wit, dark humour, interesting ideas, being a good conversationalist, etc - all of those on top of what you wrote about him - I wouldn't be interested in someone. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Not in terms of a relationship.

Your DH may well be all of those things too! I assumed from you saying you feel loved and secure that he communicates well, is kind, is empathetic etc. But the stuff at the top ^^ I can't infer from what you wrote, whether he is all of that too, or not. Maybe you just didn't want to gush at us all too much in case we hate you for it. 🤣🤣 But actually it's lovely to hear when people are so happy together, so no need to hold back. 😉

For anyone who's read "Dataclysm", the male thread on this would be far shorter and more homogenous in responses:

Young
Pretty

It’s interesting that some pp think the only reason a woman would want a man with a good job is so that she can live off him. It’s an incredibly sexist interpretation of said desire, and I think it’s quite telling with regards to certain people’s mindsets. And rather sad.

No. I am ambitious, well educated and successful at what I do. I earn considerably more than average. And I wanted the same in my partner. I found someone who fit the bill (in this and other ways, as stated upthread) and together we have a rather lovely life (financially and otherwise).

Our separate incomes are fine, but our combined incomes provide us with an excellent standard of living. We both wanted said excellent standard of living, and together we have it.

ThousandsOfTulips,

Actually, the crux of that article FabulousMrFifty linked to is that women aren't dating 'down' - which in a financial sense could be misleading. If your degree discipline is one on which women predominate it's doubtful that your earning prospects would be better than those of a tradie.