This is up there with we are separated but going to live in the same hse, albeit in separate rooms.. but wholly for the betterment of our children. This is another load of old pony. Dad then has a partner, mum then has a partner, we all live in the same hse. Mum and Dad rotate bedrooms ( when their lovers are here) and everything is tickety boo! Hugely dysfunctional and poor modelling, damaging for children. Or, neither adult conducts a normal relationship as they can't as their ex is at home. Would i start a relationship with someone living in this dynamic? Hell no! I have too much respect for myself.
What you really mean is , we are not suitable for other but we love our house and the money and our lifestyles will be negatively affected if we split. So, we will just stay put and live this farce until one of us finally has enough money to leave or we win the lottery, or one of us finds the deep love we crave and walks out despite being financially tied.
Op, life is too short. Your DH has seen this. You cannot inflict no sex on him, no more than he can on you. You are not compatible. You agreed to this for reasons known only to you. The relationship has ended. He is done. He may love you but he is not in love with you. He has brought his new love interest to his home. It also happens to be your home also. You share a home but nothing else. That is where you are.
You need yr own homes now. Pls do not confuse the financial upset separation involves with love. You do not want to have sex with your husband, that is ok. Separate and allow him the freedom to have a sex life. If he "loves" you as you say, he will still then pop around every night to your new home for cuddles on the same side of the bed. Really??? I guarantee this will not happen when he is financially separated from you.
With kindness and respect Op, you are fooling yourself. You want to believe this. You are hanging onto to this Op with bare finger nails. He is in the bed because it is comfy and you allow it. He is in the bed because it is comfy and he allows it. It most likely is the only bed available in yr shared house? Have you moved into the spare room? Has he moved into the spare room? Do you even have a spare room? Have you moved out of the marital bed in a show of distain and disagreement of his actions? Has either of you blown up a temporary bed? Who even sleeps that uncomfortable temporary bed ? You do not want sex,he does. So who sleeps on the temp bed?
It is his bed as much as it is yours. It is his hse as much as it is yours. You have allowed this. Why? He cuddles you, you cuddle him. Why?
This whole we love each other is total nonsense. You are there by default not design. Get your own houses, live your own lives. Accept both of you will accept any financial penalties this may incur.
I have always believed no one should stay in an unhappy relationship due to finances. He has clearly met someone, let him go and rebuild his life Op. Go rebuild yours also, as you wish.
You are clinging onto something here that is dead and gone. I am sure he does love you and wants the best for you but he is not in love with you, nor you him.
This whole arrangement makes you look desperate . You have decided you no longer want sex in yr marriage. That is fine, leave your marriage and support yourself. Your stbex can then support himself and be free to embark on his own sexual life.
Op, with respect,you cannot be in life long legal commitment with someone and then move the goal posts. I wish you well but you cannot reasonably expect yr husband to remain financially and emotionally in a sexless marriage, indefinitely.
You have chosen a new sexless life , your husband has not. It is time for you leave.