Today I really f’ing hate my husband

[Sleeplessem]

I’m 39+6 weeks pregnant aka due date tomorrow. Married with a nearly 26 month old, who has a dodgy tummy and today I hate my husband, would you if you were me?

I feel quite vulnerable today, so please be kind.

All fine until after dinner, DD has a dodgy tum has a really runny poop. I’m struggling movement wise due to some really lovely PGP that means I can’t bend down. Nappy change, DH does it, that’s fine. Explosive poop. Poop on vest. Husband gets angry because I was giving him a funny look during the nappy change, in his mind that was my accusing him of something untoward. He’d actually managed to get poop on her vest after taking it off, so if there was a look it was probably that mixed with a look of pain as I tried to move. No accusations. I said this to him. Just to be clear for the post so it doesn’t come across as anything else , I’ve never not even for one millisecond ever thought he’d do anything untoward. DHs worry of being accused of things like that comes from my mother unfortunately who used to accuse my dad of things like that (wrongly and with the sole purpose of being emotionally abusive, she’s also slyly but with enough wiggle room accused DH of being like that before we even had kids due to nothing except his cultural background).

He then went onto say ‘well you had sex with your dad’. Obviously not true. But so hurtful as my dad died 4 months ago (almost to the day) and suffered greatly. He was in ICU and it left me with really bad PTSD and flashbacks, and was the most harrowing moment of my life. My mother abused me as a teen when DF lived abroad and she always used to say things like that. DH knows it.

Outside of DH and DD I have no one. I know a lot of people say that but I have literally no one. No where to go, no one to turn to or talk to. I can’t believe he’d say that to me.

I said how disgusting he was and how hurtful that is, especially because my dad was always so kind to him and used to call him son and my son. I said don’t you remember how hard is was for me, and he just said ‘well you’re not the only person to have lost a parent’. I mean I know that but still come on, how heartless. I went off then to the loo to have a cry and he just accused me of ‘playing the victim like always’ and storms off.

The man’s meant to be my life partner and friend and says that to me, 4 months almost to the day of DF passing and the day before my due date?! Wtf

I don't understand what he think you were accusing him of? Sexually abusing your toddler? How does this kind of conversation even come about? And your mum used to say your father sexually abused you and accused your dh of being a child molester?

What do you mean accusing him of something untoward, I don't get it.

And did this conversation happen in front of your 2yo?

It’s odd to say 26 months.

There’s a lot to unpack here but who not just say 2? How long will you go on saying the age in months?

@WheelieBinPrincess

It’s odd to say 26 months.

There’s a lot to unpack here but who not just say 2? How long will you go on saying the age in months?

That's the oddest thing about this thread?

Sorry have I understood this? Your DH said you had sex with your (recently deceased) Dad?

Really strange that he would leap to the assumption that you were accusing him of sexual abuse, OP. Is there more to this?

@WheelieBinPrincess

It’s odd to say 26 months.

There’s a lot to unpack here but who not just say 2? How long will you go on saying the age in months?

Ffs how is that relevant

My god people are crazy tonight

Op so sorry
Your DH is a first class ass hole

I’m really sorry I don’t understand? Can you explain a bit more?

Well the rest of it I can’t make hear not tail of of so yeah. It is odd to say 26 months.

I also don't begin to understand why him getting poo on a child's clothing/his own clothing should lead to accusations of something being untoward? This all sounds very odd...

Obviously a lot more going on here than meets the eye and I think you have to provide a bit more information. But based on the bare facts you've provided here I'd say he's bang out of order making a remark like that to you in any circumstances, let alone in front of your child.

Nope didn’t happen in front of DD, we put her to bed before all of this was said. Sorry should’ve made that clearer in OP.

Basically the untoward thing was him thinking I was implying he was yeah either a paedo/ child molester or something abhorrent. Which he unequivocally is not.

Yes my mother used to accuse me and my father of having a sexual relationship when I was a teen, it wasn’t true of course but it’s because I used to want to speak to him on the phone. She’d blocked all outgoing calls to him so I used to walk to the nearest phone box (15 mins away) she used to mock me for this and imply their was something ‘going on’. There wasn’t, she was just hurting me and I used to beg DF to come live with him. DM wouldn’t allow it though.

Yes DM has heavily implied that all men from my husbands specific cultural background are sexual predators and child molesters. The incidents up north and her own racism alone have fuelled this. She’s just said it to hurt him

I’m not sure I understand you entirely, but it seems to me your mother is actively dropping poison in your DH’s ear. You’ve said he probably thinks you are worried about sexual abuse because she’s lied and accused your DF of having sexually abused you as a child. What has she told him? It’s obviously driven a wedge between you and your DH.

I’d consider going no contact with your DM. I’d also wait until feeling a bit calmer and talk to your DH about “what has my mother said to you?” And explain how she is a compulsive liar and abuser.

Other than that, I think you are both stressed, exhausted and a mixture of oh god can the baby get here already but simultaneously oh god how will we cope with a newborn when our DD1 is not well and requires lots of attention and care type feelings. So it is not unusual for tempers to be frayed and partners to snap at each other.

My worry is what he said to you, and where it is coming from. Those are not his words, but your mothers words coming out his mouth. And you need to stop her poisoning your relationship.

I don’t understand why he would say that in the first place. You need to ask him why he said it.

He then went onto say ‘well you had sex with your dad’.

WTF? He said what….???

@WheelieBinPrincess

It’s odd to say 26 months.

There’s a lot to unpack here but who not just say 2? How long will you go on saying the age in months?

It’s not odd to say 26 mths at all - there’s a huge difference between a 2 year old who has just turned 2 and one who is almost 3. Development wise they are like night and day.

OP is this the first time he’s said such horrible things or made you feel like this?

Was his accusing you of having sex with your dad?!

All I can make out is some screwed up family dynamics with your mother and a husband with a disgusting retort to a perceived accusation.

@AutumnLeaves21

Really strange that he would leap to the assumption that you were accusing him of sexual abuse, OP. Is there more to this?

Only just that he’s Asian and Muslim and my mums made some really hideous comments about this in relation to child abuse before so he’s petrified of her accusing him (not through wrong doing, I’d like to make it clear he’s not in anyway like that). Sorry my OP didn’t make sense, I was having a bit of a cry.

Sorry but.. what? I don't mean to sound dense but I don't really understand most of your post.

He then went onto say ‘well you had sex with your dad’.

?????

This whole thing sounds utterly bizarre.

OP I'm sorry but your husband is also abusive

Been through and this is some of the crap my abuser ex would fire at me

Have their been any other incidents ?

I doubt this is isolated

Why would you not be no contact with your mother?

Interested to know which nationality is supposed to be full of sex predators

@Queenie6655

OP I'm sorry but your husband is also abusive

Been through and this is some of the crap my abuser ex would fire at me

Have their been any other incidents ?

I doubt this is isolated

Eh?