I've got a problem with him burping. Am I being uptight?

[SoGross]

Married to DH with two small DC. Me in thirties, him in forties.

Rightio....jokes aside....

Last year he has started to burp in the evenings. I mean some really long, loud, almost cartoon like burps. It started off as me joking about it and saying he needs to stop etc but it all being funny and a bit silly. I would pretend to slap him when he did it etc.

He does it more and more now. I mean, every 15 minutes. And so loud. Right next to me on the sofa

I've started to be slightly more serious with my annoyance and he says 'oh ok i'll try to stop but i can't help it' but he never does it in front of anyone else so clearly he can help it. But then he says 'but i'm relaxed at home'

Tonight, I was trying to get the DC ready for bed and he just did the loudest and longest burp and both kids started giggling. And I just lost it at him. I said I found him disgusting.

He is now sulking. And basically saying I'm an uptight prude. And a bit of a bully. And if he ever called me "disgusting", I would rightly be v. upset. He says I've being very OTT and he now feels uncomfortable in his own house.

What do you guys think? When I write this I think I sound uptight but he does it so, so much.

@MarbleQueen

I’m not keen on his references to his own house and I’m wondering what he’s communicating.Does he believe it’s his? It’s actually everyone’s home and everyone should feel comfortable.

Yes, including him.

Dh had a colleague who burped all the time (constant little burps not thundering theatrics). Colleague went on a holiday bar-crawl and a blood vessel ruptured in his stomach, due heavy drinking, which killed him. It was a very distressing death for those who witnessed it.

Could you suggest he get his burping checked out by his GP? Hopefully it's not caused by anything serious, and is treatable.

You got bigger problems than the burping!

Right wing/anti woman rhetoric is grim and a deal breaker for me.

You’re not being OTT or uptight!

He doesn’t do it in front of other people so it’s obviously something he can control

He laughs about it

He takes a bow

It’s exaggerated comedy belching, not the normal discreet kind.

OF COURSE this performance isn’t a medical issue!

So sorry @SoGross, he’s treating you badly in a lot of different ways. It sounds like his personality has changed. He’s really unpleasant.

I just feel all these things he does to be funny actually feel mean and sexist.

He doesn't do them to be funny, he does / says mean and sexist things because he is mean and sexist.

If you met him now, as he is, would you marry him / have kids with him? If not, I think you need to really seriously consider leaving him.

He's changed. You want (rightly) someone who sees you as an equal, treats you with respect and doesn't think that you having a vagina means you are somehow default parent / shopper / organiser / food prepper etc. He can't be that person. Because he's a sexist prick.

He's come home and not burped at all. He ate his dinner much slower and basically is on his best behaviour. Feel he might have been a little shocked at the seriousness of my reaction last night and poss has sunk in. Safe to say its not some terrible medical problem!

@SoGross

He's come home and not burped at all. He ate his dinner much slower and basically is on his best behaviour. Feel he might have been a little shocked at the seriousness of my reaction last night and poss has sunk in. Safe to say its not some terrible medical problem!

Just out of curiosity, what do you end up doing when you need to burp?

Yes, including him.

Sounds like he’ll be up for grabs soon.

DH has got a hiatus hernia and is the biggest windbag imaginable. He's on high dose Omeprazole and it does help.

However he does know that he's not going to live long if he keeps belching in front of me.... medical condition or not.

Whenever there isn't something that he wants in the fridge he always jokes "what kind of shit show are you running here". I do remind him I actually work FT and it's not my show to be running and he just laughs

The fact he can say this suggests to me that it’s your job to get the food in. Is this correct? Being a sexist pig often goes hand in hand with doing very little. It’s worth looking at what sort of division of labour you’ve got going on.

I have noticed something about some men. They want their wives to be good mothers, unpaid maids and household managers and to be kind and loving and create nice homes And then they resent them for it because they lose respect.

There is something that can happen when you have small children and I can’t quite describe it, but it is the change from being seen a woman and a wife to being seen as a mum and a maid. It’s subtle initially but you start to note the disrespect and contempt and you often hear the dreaded mother comparison. You also know it’s happening because they start to behave like teenagers.

The problem I think is that unfortunately small children create a lot of domestic work and because someone has to do these things (usually women) you can start to be viewed as a skivvy. Men don’t respect skivvies. Note how men interact with other men. It’s all about respect.

The solution I think is to act like a man. Down tools.Refuse to do anything that isn’t your half share. Expect praise for doing stuff. Take more time for yourself. Spend more money on yourself. Be as considerate of his feelings as he is of yours. Go out regularly and leave him at home. Shrug off any mess that you didn’t make. Take control of the telly and stop listening to his boring stories. Ridicule men like he ridicules women.

He won’t like it of course, but he’ll probably respect it. If not, you at least get more time to yourself and less shit work.

@Doglover2440 Ah your comments got deleted. Being pissed on in the shower is deemed a step too far for MN.

Just for your info in terms of burping, I just don't need to v much. But if I do it's quiet and fairly non offensive. I'm not anti bodily function. I'm anti doing stuff that makes people feel sick in your company

@MarbleQueen

Yes, including him.

Sounds like he’ll be up for grabs soon.

I don't know what this means...yes, including him

?

@MarbleQueen

Whenever there isn't something that he wants in the fridge he always jokes "what kind of shit show are you running here". I do remind him I actually work FT and it's not my show to be running and he just laughs

The fact he can say this suggests to me that it’s your job to get the food in. Is this correct? Being a sexist pig often goes hand in hand with doing very little. It’s worth looking at what sort of division of labour you’ve got going on.

I have noticed something about some men. They want their wives to be good mothers, unpaid maids and household managers and to be kind and loving and create nice homes And then they resent them for it because they lose respect.

There is something that can happen when you have small children and I can’t quite describe it, but it is the change from being seen a woman and a wife to being seen as a mum and a maid. It’s subtle initially but you start to note the disrespect and contempt and you often hear the dreaded mother comparison. You also know it’s happening because they start to behave like teenagers.

The problem I think is that unfortunately small children create a lot of domestic work and because someone has to do these things (usually women) you can start to be viewed as a skivvy. Men don’t respect skivvies. Note how men interact with other men. It’s all about respect.

The solution I think is to act like a man. Down tools.Refuse to do anything that isn’t your half share. Expect praise for doing stuff. Take more time for yourself. Spend more money on yourself. Be as considerate of his feelings as he is of yours. Go out regularly and leave him at home. Shrug off any mess that you didn’t make. Take control of the telly and stop listening to his boring stories. Ridicule men like he ridicules women.

He won’t like it of course, but he’ll probably respect it. If not, you at least get more time to yourself and less shit work.

Great post @MarbleQueen

I agree.

Kindness is seen as a weakness to pigs like the OP's husband.

He's come home quieter tonight because he thought he could behave any wsy he wished.

OP, this is when you strike AGAIN very hard.

Tell him you are NOT happy and that you are having doubts about your relationship.

Tell him you don't want to spend the rest of your life with a a sexist pig who thinks he can speak to you with such disrespect.

"What sort of a shit show"?
The rudeness.

You could ask him to move out and give you some space as you are not happy.

Let him feel the full force of his marriage crumbling around him.

This is not a good kind man.

I would be very cool and detached with him.

He has been behaving like a man who thinks his wife is stuck now she has had kids.

He needs to know you will do it alone, rather than put up with his bullshit.

Have you family to visit?

Telling him you are going to visit your family as you need space from him is another option.

He needs to know that his behaviour is not acceptable and his marriage and home is NOT safe.

He has taken you for granted.

Big mistake.

[quote SoGross]@Doglover2440 Ah your comments got deleted. Being pissed on in the shower is deemed a step too far for MN.

Just for your info in terms of burping, I just don't need to v much. But if I do it's quiet and fairly non offensive. I'm not anti bodily function. I'm anti doing stuff that makes people feel sick in your company[/quote]
I’ve obviously been with some right mingers 😂😂🙈

But sometimes things come in the news that he comments on that I think makes him sound horrible. Like when Adele released her new album he said 'she'd obviously got thin and decided she was too good for her bloke and left him. Typical'

I’ve read some of this men’s shit like the red pill and manosphere. Men have actually got themselves into a bit of a bind with it. They believe all women trap and use men and are “whores” deep down. And if they’re not a “whore” now they can turn into one at any time. This belief causes them an immense amount of fear that they’re not good enough.And it’s their own fault.

Having had various heated discussions about this myself with my exH I realised far too late I was being duped. He would say sexist horrible things and I would argue that he was wrong and explain why.

What was actually happening was horrible remark + objection from me = reassurance. In your shoes I’d have played along and said Well yes, she’s probably has someone on the side/ maybe he belches/ maybe he’s bad in bed.

I would aim for horrible remark+ some sort of agreement = increased fear. It harms men to hold these beliefs about women and these conversations are often a twisted way of getting reassurance that you’re not like those women they’re talking about.

I don't know what this means...yes, including him

Sorry op, it was a response to a pp who was navel gazing about your husbands feelings of comfort in your home.

He has been behaving like a man who thinks his wife is stuck now she has had kids

Absolutely.

I have seen this happen with every single woman I know. Too many men see kids as an insurance policy and naively believe their wife will love them unconditionally like their bloody mother’s.When I told my exh I wanted a divorce he spluttered about wedding vows. He actually thought because I had said those words he could behave as badly as he wanted.

Absolutely this @MarbleQueen His mother is so doting its uncomfortable. She's 70 and walks with a stick yer when he goes to stay she insists on sleeping on the sofa and giving up her bedroom to him. Everything he says she marvels at. She never had a life outside of the home. In fact she pretty much believed anyone outside the family wasn't to be trusted. I'm not blaming her for his character. He is responsible for his own shitty behaviour but I certainly think he believes women should act like his mum.

I also think you're right that he's scared. He's terrified in some ways. Whenever the Adele song comes on the radio he turns it off as it annoys him so much. The thought of women divorcing and standing on their own two feet is his nightmare because he's so terrified of being left alone himself

I do think he probably resents me in some ways.

I know I could do it alone. I'm not scared of the being alone forever bit. I'm off men for life. I'm just scared of what he'll do.

What is it you think he’ll do?

OP,

If you are scared of what he might do, you really should ring Women's aid and talk things over.

If you are scared of what he might do, as in threaten suicide, well that would be straight from the abusive men's handbook.

You deal with that by calling the police and tell them that your abusive husband is threatening suicide and will they do a welfare check.

The police are well used to and well able for men like that and usually one visit puts a stop to threats.

You need to take your time and really reflect.

The scales appear to be dalling rapidly from your eyes.

The most import thing is you can do it alone but planning is key.

Have you family and friends to support you?

Because that support is invaluable.

These men very rarely want the children when it comes down to it. They’ve no intention of being a skivvy, that’s a woman’s job remember.

The majority of men genuinely regret their divorce and whine bitterly that they didn’t know anything was wrong. Many will promise to do whatever it takes to fix things and often it is far too late.

The advantage you have is that your husband reads men’s rights shit so he knows it’s going to cost him financially in child support and that he’ll be seen as a failure. He will know most men never recover from a divorce and many women won’t date him because he’s got kids.

He also knows he’ll be being a skivvy every weekend while you’re out with your new boyfriend. You know he’s frightened of this because he’s sort of told you.

It doesn’t sound like he’s always been like this and it could be worth considering if it’s worth attempting to salvage things. By that I do not mean counselling.

If you want to try do what I did. Go to the library and download the online divorce documents.Fill them out and print them off. Use unreasonable behaviour and list all his shitty behaviours and comments. Print them out and put them in an envelope.

Give them to him. Let him see what those shitty comments look like on official paperwork.He will assume you have seen a solicitor and they’ve come from the court.

No counselling or conversation or threats will be as powerful and hard hitting as this one action. All for the bargain price of a few quids worth of printing.

@MarbleQueen OMG yes, this!!!!. When I told my exh I wanted a divorce he spluttered about wedding vows. He actually thought because I had said those words he could behave as badly as he wanted.

Yes, that is exactly how I felt. My ex telling me "how about our wedding wows, for better of for worse did that mean nothing"? Seriously!!! So he thought he could do whatever the f... he wanted and I will stick around just because I "promised" I would.