I've got a problem with him burping. Am I being uptight?

[SoGross]

Married to DH with two small DC. Me in thirties, him in forties.

Rightio....jokes aside....

Last year he has started to burp in the evenings. I mean some really long, loud, almost cartoon like burps. It started off as me joking about it and saying he needs to stop etc but it all being funny and a bit silly. I would pretend to slap him when he did it etc.

He does it more and more now. I mean, every 15 minutes. And so loud. Right next to me on the sofa

I've started to be slightly more serious with my annoyance and he says 'oh ok i'll try to stop but i can't help it' but he never does it in front of anyone else so clearly he can help it. But then he says 'but i'm relaxed at home'

Tonight, I was trying to get the DC ready for bed and he just did the loudest and longest burp and both kids started giggling. And I just lost it at him. I said I found him disgusting.

He is now sulking. And basically saying I'm an uptight prude. And a bit of a bully. And if he ever called me "disgusting", I would rightly be v. upset. He says I've being very OTT and he now feels uncomfortable in his own house.

What do you guys think? When I write this I think I sound uptight but he does it so, so much.

*last year. Though lazy also works

Sorry that took a bit of a serious turn. I'm really just hear to find out people's opinions about belching constantly in your own home. It's just when someone asked if he was "punishing me" I started to think about more serious stuff!

It's not the burps. Well it is but.. you've asked him not to do it
So every time he does it (without it just being a normal necessary excuse me type burp) it's a little tiny "fuck you" from him
That's why you're annoyed. It's the dripping tap, eventually you lose it and wrench the tap off/call a plumber/leave

There's a huge difference between burping (or farting, if it comes to the comparison) in a performance type of way, or trying to be discreet.
I drink a lot of frothy coffee, and it does cause a build up of wind (),but there's no way I would burp 'loud and proud' because of it.

Sorry to hear about your loss.
I was going to ask what he'd say if you did massive burps/farts in front of him? Or pick your nose and flick towards him. That's really petty though!

I'm so sorry for your loss OP I can't imagine how awful the last year or so has been for you.

When it comes to your original question, it sounds like either complacently or contempt on his part. Neither would be tolerable for me but I suppose the first is potentially fixable (if he wants to fix it) and the latter I don't believe is.

This isn't about genuinely being gassy. He's doing performative burping to make a point - that he doesn't care if you care. Like I say, it's complacency or contempt and both are incredibly unattractive.

He sounds completely awful, OP. You are not overreacting. You’ve been through so much, and he can’t even pop to the GP/burb discretely.

I have a male colleague who eats things incredibly quickly then does outrageous burps. He says excuse me afterwards but I can't help finding it revolting. I feel sorry for his wife.

I am so sorry for your loss OP.
That sounds so hard.

He sounds gross. Sorry.

I can well imagine you no longer finding him attractive.

I definitely think there is a link between coarse, uncouth behaviour in men and deliberate disrespect meant to demean a woman.

Let him sulk.
He sounds awful.

I think you should definitely be quietly protecting yourself by having a get away fund, just in case you need it.

I can well understand 30 more years of that does not sound appealing.

He may have H. Pylori and or/GERD which can cause excessive burping. I’ve had them, still have GERD and IBS. It’s really uncomfortable and can be embarrassing. Recommend to him to see a doctor. If he has H Pylori he’ll need triple therapy to eradicate it.

So sorry for your loss.

He might be reacting to the loss in odd ways?

It's sick to take it out on you but sounds like that's what he's doing.

He drinks a lot of fizzy drinks. But he burps like someone who is trying to make them as loud as possible. And its all evening. But he doesn't do it at work or around friends. I hate the kids laughing at it because they're only going to copy and then get told off and that's not fair

It started a year ago. He also started leaving the loo seat up around the same time

Unless this is health issue, this either sounds like passive aggressive behaviour to annoy you, or a laddish, loutish way of asserting his dominance. The type that sits back on the soft watching TV, with their arms extended over the back of the chair, taking a massive amount of space and then burping really loudly so everyone around them can hear it. The extent that he does this is obnoxious, and disrespectful.

I find it interesting it coincided with the loo seat being left up and I wonder if more will be added to that list. Seems like he's displaying some I'm-the-man-of-the-house attitudes.

How else is he rude?

Angina? Maybe have this checked out?

Burping is a deviant act

He needs to rule out a health issue.
I sit with him and Google excessive burping then ask him to get a Dr appointment.

If no outcome I would look at marriage counselling.

I think there are bigger issues at play here and I would be considering if the marriage might be over (hopefully the counselling will help you decide)

Me personally? I couldn't share a house with someone like that, it would turn my stomach and completely put me off them.

@SoGross

I don't know if he's deliberately punishing me. I was pregnant with twins a year ago and lost one at 20 weeks. That was last Christmas. I had to carry them both until 40 weeks and gave birth to them both. I only mention this as I can see a weird time correlation with DH behaviour in general becoming quite odd for this lazy year. Obsessed with the heating bill for example. And I mean obsessed. I don't know. He's not the man I married. He is rude and unsupportive and just kind of a bit gross. I just look at him and feel so turned off. He also became obsessed with right wing online stuff. I found it difficult to get support from him during the last year and maybe I'm just getting so wound up by his burps because it's deeper stuff. Or maybe he's just a gross bloke and I need to chill the F out.

I am sorry

I think all of that is upsetting and it warrants a conversation. It might not be linked but ...people are strange!

I would also find this revolting.

He needs to see a doctor (or push doctor if he has the £50) as he might have GERDS or Helicobacter pylori.
My poor Dad started burping exactly like that and a few years later he ended up in ITU with bleeding ulcers caused by Helicobacter pylori. He didn't know he had it until the ulcers started to bleed. Burping like that, although your DH is making a big joke of it, is bad news. Things can be treated!

Who cares the medical reason, making a show out of it when you’ve said you find it gross is not on. He sounds unsupportive too.

Like many people I’m now very worried about the heating bills so I’ve insulated all the windows, bought us all thermals and heated throws, warm dressing gowns and socks. You get the idea.

Was your husband genuinely worried about the heating bill or did he possibly resent you and the children being warm? It’s easy to tell. Was he worried about money in general, did he shop around for better deals and all the things you generally do when you’re trying to cut back?

My constantly farting exh also developed an obsession with the thermostat. I would put the heating on before I bathed the children and half an hour later I would be wondering why it was still cold. His smirk told me everything I needed to know.

No. People need to feel comfortable at home, and may do the odd burp or audible fart, but new or prolonged gross noises, no. My DP had an issue with sniffing a few months back. He actually needed a new inhaler. Good job I told him.

He's treating you with such disrespect. YADNBU!

For me the right wing BS would be more alarming and a total deal breaker. But honestly I would be very upset of I told my husband something was sincerely bothering me (the burping) and he didn't take it seriously.

Get him to see a Dr, I have Crohns and have excessive gas. I can hold it in in public but that comes with excruciating pain and consequences.

DH and DC are really kind about it though, they know I can’t help it and can be quite unwell, we even have a laugh about it sometimes when they’re particularly awful

It could also be as a pp mentioned, a weird way that he’s processing his grief maybe?

If he really is doing it on purpose to upset you, then it’s definitely ok that it’s a dealbreaker for you!

@Outfoxedbyrabbits

'oh ok i'll try to stop but i can't help it' but he never does it in front of anyone else so clearly he can help it. But then he says 'but i'm relaxed at home'

Translation: "I would be too embarrassed to do this in front of anyone else but I don't really care about or respect your opinion, wife, so I don't mind doing it in front of you."

He clearly CAN help it because he usen't to do it. And now he's DARVOing you. I'd be incandescent, in your shoes.

Exactly.

Disgusting and disrespectful. This would be a complete dealbreaker for me.

@MrzClaus

Well, I find it annoying sometimes when my DP burps / farts with wild abandon! However IMO he should be perfectly comfortable in his own home around close family to let his body function how it will.

This is a rather unpopular opinion I know, and occasionally he'll do a real stinker that floors me and gets him a funny look - but I think within the walls of the home if he wants to fart to kingdom come I'll not stop him. I wouldn't expect him to stop me either (although for some reason he's the gassy one 😂). I wouldn't lose it at him / call him disgusting etc. There's a time and a place for bodily functions, and in your own home seems fair.

If it's the hill you're willing to die on and it's a deal breaker, that's up to you!

Yuck.