I've got a problem with him burping. Am I being uptight?

[SoGross]

Married to DH with two small DC. Me in thirties, him in forties.

Rightio....jokes aside....

Last year he has started to burp in the evenings. I mean some really long, loud, almost cartoon like burps. It started off as me joking about it and saying he needs to stop etc but it all being funny and a bit silly. I would pretend to slap him when he did it etc.

He does it more and more now. I mean, every 15 minutes. And so loud. Right next to me on the sofa

I've started to be slightly more serious with my annoyance and he says 'oh ok i'll try to stop but i can't help it' but he never does it in front of anyone else so clearly he can help it. But then he says 'but i'm relaxed at home'

Tonight, I was trying to get the DC ready for bed and he just did the loudest and longest burp and both kids started giggling. And I just lost it at him. I said I found him disgusting.

He is now sulking. And basically saying I'm an uptight prude. And a bit of a bully. And if he ever called me "disgusting", I would rightly be v. upset. He says I've being very OTT and he now feels uncomfortable in his own house.

What do you guys think? When I write this I think I sound uptight but he does it so, so much.

he should be perfectly comfortable in his own home around close family to let his body function how it will.

Yuk, we can leave the room to fart if needed to be, so f* disrespectful farting in a room with another person. Disgusting.
Is he going to shit in a room as well? As that's his body function, too

I also hate it and did not "allow" this to happen around me. But just so you know, my now ex was doing it when I was not around and my kids told me. Then they started doing it and would say, "dad does it all the time".

Yuck. Letting the odd one slip is fine but unless you're both ok with it, you should respect the other enough to be discreet about it. I'm still very comfortable in my own home whilst still maintaining manners.

I could absolutely not live with the constant burps but it also sounds like there is a lot more there than general disrespect. I'm sorry about your baby

Forgot to tag @MrzClaus

I was feeding the baby at 6am this morning and he said "careful mate not to need to burping or she'll go mad at you". So I know we are back into jokey territory

And I know if I bring it up seriously again I'll have "ruined the evening" etc.

I can't face listening to him belch for the next 30 years. He drinks fizzy drinks all the time and eats v quickly so there are things he could do but I feel like his mother telling him to slow down eating etc. I mean I feel like his mother most of the time and it's not doing either of us any favours

I am sorry for your loss OP. You have been through a lot emotionally.

I wouldn't like this either. But it does sound like there is more to it than just the childish sounding burping.

Can you have one last serious talk with him? Not just going mad when he burps, an independent time. Sit down and say, I hate it when you comedy burp, you know this, but carry on and it feels like either a "fuck you" every time it happens or that you think your want is more important than mine. And see what he says? If he says he can't help it, then he has to go to the gp. No excuses.

His reaction will tell you lots about what he thinks about you. And if he says "you have ruined the evening" then you can say that he frequently ruins your evenings with his behaviour, so it's worth having one evening of discussions in order to improve the marriage for the next 30 years.

This is gross and I'm not surprised you hate it. The fact it's only at home shows it's deliberate which I would find very disrespectful.

OP,
Get quietly organised.

Detach emotionally and make sure your contraception is sorted.

He may feel you detach and adjust his behaviour but either you want to make sure you are not stuck with him and his foul ways for the next 30 years.

Mind yourself.

I bet if you did split up he wouldn't be burping like that in front of a new love interest....says it all really

"Nobody burps on purpose"
Not spent much time around young males then!

It's really easy to burp quietly though, which I guess he has been doing for years until he suddenly decided to make them as loud as possible.

@reasysteady

I bet if you did split up he wouldn't be burping like that in front of a new love interest....says it all really

Excellent point.

I mean maybe it winds me up more than it should. I'm going to talk to him about seeing a GP. I don't want him to be uncomfortable in his own home and some people have said here that maybe he's v uncomfortable and I don't want him to be in pain holding it in. He says I make him feel ashamed. Which isn't great is it? But he also laughs and he really let's rip. It's all funny until I try and be serious and that he acts really hurt. But I've said it every evening for months now.

His acting hurt is 100% manipulative.

His turning it on and off is the key here, as is making it as loud as possible in front of the children.

Don't be gaslit by him.

If he can stop it in front of other people then he can stop it in front of you. I would find it incredibly disrespectful and disgusting and would tell him so. Politely at first of course, but if he didn't get the message I would come down pretty hard on it. It's important. You spend so much time with your OH and you are meant to be attracted to him - this would be seriously off-putting for me and could actually damage the relationship.

I'm also wondering if he has some kind of digestive issue that he needs to see the GP about, if this is a new thing? It doesn't seem normal to be burping loudly every 15 minutes. Is he drinking a lot of carbonated drinks or eating rich foods etc? Seems worth investigating if there is something going on.

@SoGross

I mean maybe it winds me up more than it should. I'm going to talk to him about seeing a GP. I don't want him to be uncomfortable in his own home and some people have said here that maybe he's v uncomfortable and I don't want him to be in pain holding it in. He says I make him feel ashamed. Which isn't great is it? But he also laughs and he really let's rip. It's all funny until I try and be serious and that he acts really hurt. But I've said it every evening for months now.

Look, if he's laughing about it then he's not respecting you. Full stop.

As PP have said, it's manipulative. He's acting hurt when you get annoyed wth him, but in the moment he is actually laughing?

It's not winding you up more than it should - it's disgusting, and he is minimising your feelings.

@SoGross

I was feeding the baby at 6am this morning and he said "careful mate not to need to burping or she'll go mad at you". So I know we are back into jokey territory

And I know if I bring it up seriously again I'll have "ruined the evening" etc.

I can't face listening to him belch for the next 30 years. He drinks fizzy drinks all the time and eats v quickly so there are things he could do but I feel like his mother telling him to slow down eating etc. I mean I feel like his mother most of the time and it's not doing either of us any favours

Have you tried telling him that this is making you less attracted to him?

Don't answer this on the thread if you don't want to, but I'm wondering what your sex life is like? Because if this were me, I would not be wanting to be very intimate with this man.

Can he see the impact this is having?

It's immature and manipulative to tell you that you are "ruining the evening" by bringing up an issue that is bothering you which is within his power to resolve.

Sorry but he sounds incredibly disrespectful of you - it's not necessarily the burping itself but how he is treating you and your feelings about it. I couldn't be in a relationship with a man like this.

It only "ruins the evening" if he reacts like an immature ass and sulks all night.

For two adults this discussion should not have to take up an entire evening or "ruin" anything. It's his own reaction that is causing drama.

It also seems to me like there's a bit of a power dynamic going on. Now that you're had these discussions, it must be like every time he burps he is asserting authority - "you can't say anything about this, I'm going to do it and you have to sit there and take it, otherwise you'll ruin the evening and I will sulk all night"

It's a really unhealthy dynamic and frankly he sounds horrible.

If this were the only unwanted behaviour I would wonder if he was trying to cover up any embarrassment or discomfort by pretending it’s all a huge joke.

But in the context of his other behaviours, it’s worrying and part of a bigger picture of disrespect.

Ducks in a row time… by all means try to have a proper talk to him, but otherwise I’d be detaching.

Can you leave him?

The right wing stuff makes me worry tbh.

@Animood

Can you leave him?

The right wing stuff makes me worry tbh.

The right wing stuff has chilled out a little. He still talks about 'female privilege' etc sometimes but he knows I hate it so he tones stuff down.

But sometimes things come in the news that he comments on that I think makes him sound horrible. Like when Adele released her new album he said 'she'd obviously got thin and decided she was too good for her bloke and left him. Typical'.

He got v. het up over the Trump stuff. Lots of 'liberal snowflake idiots' comments.

He is so different to me in that regard. And yes, it's all pretty new. He wasn't like that when I met him six years ago. He was kind. I don't know what's going on. He tells me how insecure and anxious he is and i think some of this stuff is like him being defensive or trying to make himself sound like the big man in some way.

Anyway - I am really digressing from burping here!

I could leave him. I'm the one who manages the money, the household bills etc so I wouldn't be worried about that side of things. But my DC are tiny.

Is it normal to not want them to come home in the evening BUT also can't imagine life without them?

We don't actually argue that much. And still actually have quite a laugh together. But there is so much of his behaviour I find baffling or upsetting or GROSS

Just to clarify when I say 'it is normal to not want them to come home' - I mean my DH and men in general of course...like does anyone else think they don't want their man to come home. I just read that back and thought people might think I was talking about my DC! Ha ha ha. My gorgeous DC are everything.

No OP, thatvis not normal at all.

Women with young children with a decent partner often count down the time until they have support and an extra pair of hands.

No one is saying pack up and leave, but the totality of what you are saying is really not good and doesn't bode well.

You are well and truly on your way to getting the full blown ICK for him and IMO that isn't recoverable from.

So he burbs, sulks, is misogynistic and disrespectful to you.

There is a lot to get tge Ick from.

I think having a conversation that your marriage is not in a good place and you want to be honest and give him the heads up so that he can work with you to fix things.

Should he huff and puff and sulk, not take it on board, I would take your time but get organised.

Return to work full time, being a really obvious one.

You cannot make him step up and take responsibility for himself.

Personally the combination of awful personal habits and his red neck views would be a complete deal break.

Take your time and don't resign yourself to this.

Reach out for support from friends and family too.