I've got a problem with him burping. Am I being uptight?

[SoGross]

Married to DH with two small DC. Me in thirties, him in forties.

Rightio....jokes aside....

Last year he has started to burp in the evenings. I mean some really long, loud, almost cartoon like burps. It started off as me joking about it and saying he needs to stop etc but it all being funny and a bit silly. I would pretend to slap him when he did it etc.

He does it more and more now. I mean, every 15 minutes. And so loud. Right next to me on the sofa

I've started to be slightly more serious with my annoyance and he says 'oh ok i'll try to stop but i can't help it' but he never does it in front of anyone else so clearly he can help it. But then he says 'but i'm relaxed at home'

Tonight, I was trying to get the DC ready for bed and he just did the loudest and longest burp and both kids started giggling. And I just lost it at him. I said I found him disgusting.

He is now sulking. And basically saying I'm an uptight prude. And a bit of a bully. And if he ever called me "disgusting", I would rightly be v. upset. He says I've being very OTT and he now feels uncomfortable in his own house.

What do you guys think? When I write this I think I sound uptight but he does it so, so much.

He still talks about 'female privilege' etc sometimes but he knows I hate it so he tones stuff down.

But sometimes things come in the news that he comments on that I think makes him sound horrible. Like when Adele released her new album he said 'she'd obviously got thin and decided she was too good for her bloke and left him. Typical'.

He got v. het up over the Trump stuff. Lots of 'liberal snowflake idiots' comments.

He sounds like an absolute prick mate.

As our family are obviously utterly foul in our sense of humour I’ve sniggered my way through a few horrified comments. The online right wing stuff is by far the most worrying to me, ‘female privilege’ is just bullshit - makes me wonder what his attitude to women is, and whether doing something that upsets you is part of that. Burping and farting wouldn’t bother me (frankly it’d make e a hypocrite if it did) but going down the right wing misogynist rabbit hole would be a deal breaker.

I don’t actually mind burping/farting from my SO. My ex used to burp next to my face and sometimes directly in my face. He would also fart every morning after demanding I spoon him 😂😂. At least he is comfortable!!! Your husband should be able to let rip in his own home without worrying

He sounds like a misogynist prick. I also think the burping is deliberate and he is punishing you for something.

@Doglover2440

I don’t actually mind burping/farting from my SO. My ex used to burp next to my face and sometimes directly in my face. He would also fart every morning after demanding I spoon him 😂😂. At least he is comfortable!!! Your husband should be able to let rip in his own home without worrying

Yes. See it does divide opinion. We have some friends (a gay couple - so both blokes, don't know if that makes a difference) and they fart/burp/practically poo in front of each other and when my DH joked about me getting wound up by his burps - I was v. much the one being laughed at for being so uptight and 'turning into my mother' (My mum is pretty stern and has v traditional ideas about what a husband and wife should do in front on each other)

@Doglover2440

I don’t actually mind burping/farting from my SO. My ex used to burp next to my face and sometimes directly in my face. He would also fart every morning after demanding I spoon him 😂😂. At least he is comfortable!!! Your husband should be able to let rip in his own home without worrying

This is disgusting and I feel sorry for you if your standards of behaviour are so low

Is it normal to not want them to come home in the evening BUT also can't imagine life without them?

Normal when you don't love or like your partner but you've been with them a long time and invested a lot and are scared to imagine being alone yes
Normal for a functional relationship definitely not

You haven't said he can't burp - you've said that you really hate the performative, purposefully loud belching. We all know exactly the type you mean.

Your partner, instead of just not doing said performative, purposefully loud belching, would rather keep doing it knowing it is a huge turn off, annoys you and makes you feel like he doesn't give a shit if something bothers you.

You aren't being unreasonable at all. If something in my control made my partner feel how you feel, I wouldn't do it any more.

Again - you haven't said 'don't burp', you have an issue with that loud showing off belchy thing some people do. Because it's rank. YANBU.

But as I said before, you've got bigger problems than this when it comes to him. He's a sexist idiot.

@SoGross it doesn't matter what other people tolerate in their relationships. It doesn't matter if other people think you're uptight. What matters is your boundaries and your standards. Don't let people persuade you that you're wrong for having them.

Ask him the serious question of whether he wants his kids to do this? If no, tell him to bloody well stop then. Or if he can't stop go to a doctor as he may have some healrh issues.

Kids will get bullied and will have a negative impact on them if they start doing it so would he be happy with that?

He sounds like a moron, sorry.

The female privilege stuff is really really worrying.

I’d start having lots of long baths or going out. Don’t spend evenings with him anymore then he can’t ruin them.

@MarbleQueen

The female privilege stuff is really really worrying.

I’d start having lots of long baths or going out. Don’t spend evenings with him anymore then he can’t ruin them.

Yeah - I've started realising that I turn the news off whenever it comes on the telly as I don't want him to say something awful in response to something on there. Like the 'climate change' being overexaggerated or something. I'm putting my head in the sand i guess.

When he says things like that I often disagree and we end up aruging - and then he says he can't say what he wants in his own house without me taking the opportunity to 'take a pop'. But saying nothing feels wrong to me. Because he is asking me to shut up about everything I find wrong...from burping to political opinions.

I am a feminist. With opinions. And a full time job. And I feel v. independent in lots of ways. And I believe so much of what he says and does is wrong. I feel utterly bewildered how I've ended up here to be honest.

I bought a bottle of white wine called Grey Rock from the shop yesterday. I saw it and couldn't resist. I may have a large glass in front of him tonight. Ha!

Yes. See it does divide opinion. We have some friends (a gay couple - so both blokes, don't know if that makes a difference) and they fart/burp/practically poo in front of each other and when my DH joked about me getting wound up by his burps - I was v. much the one being laughed at for being so uptight and 'turning into my mother' (My mum is pretty stern and has v traditional ideas about what a husband and wife should do in front on each other)

But it's not really about the burping though is it? It's about what the burping represents. You keep making little jokes OP "I didn't mean it to keep this deep" etc which I understand because some of the comments must be hard to hear. But you can't discuss the burping without discussing the rest, because it's all the same problem.

I have a good friend whose husband burps performatively, (also in company - ugh), thinks it's funny, she doesn't mind - and he's a great husband and father, pulls his weight in their marriage, she's happy. It's not for me, so indeed horses for courses! But that demonstrates it's not really the burping that's the issue here - because I'm pretty sure if my friend found it grim and told him to stop, he'd stop.

I am a feminist. With opinions. And a full time job. And I feel v. independent in lots of ways. And I believe so much of what he says and does is wrong. I feel utterly bewildered how I've ended up here to be honest.

You're not compatible anymore. You've grown apart. I wouldn't want to raise my children under the same roof as a sexist man. It's hugely damaging for kids and their future relationships as adults.

Is it normal to not want them to come home in the evening

No. It's not normal and you don't need to live the rest of your life feeling this way.

He sounds awful op. I couldn't be with someone with those views and wouldn't want my kids raised with those views either.

Accidents happen. It’s not like my ex did it on purpose. Usually happened after a big meal and/or booze! If you love someone then you look past these things. I suffer from IBS and would fart at the table if I needed to :)

OP,

You feel you cannot express your opinions, certainly not a differing one because his response is to bully you, sulk and accuse you of having a pop at him.

He is trying to intimidate you and grind you down.

He is not a good man and not someone you will around your children full time.

Do you organise the family shop? Look up the diet sheets for gastro-reflux and stick to them for a week or two.

No beer, no fizzy drinks, less rich foods, few spices, lots of water and leafy green veg. When he complains, tell him since he obviously can't control his indigestion, you are having to do it for him.

I would fart at the table if I needed to

Yeah - that sounds a bit gross to me. Does it not put people off their food if the whole room suddenly smells?

My DH's burps are sometimes so bad and extreme - that I stop eating because I feel a bit sick

I sound like I'm being difficult or OTT - but really that is just my reaction.

@billy1966

OP,

You feel you cannot express your opinions, certainly not a differing one because his response is to bully you, sulk and accuse you of having a pop at him.

He is trying to intimidate you and grind you down.

He is not a good man and not someone you will around your children full time.

Yes. I worry you are right.

I do feel love for him. But I don't respect him. Like a love him like I might love an unruly and unhygienic teenage son.

You aren’t being uptight, that’s disgusting.

You are not uptight in the least OP.

I cannot understand how people think it is a sign of intimacy to be so disgusting in your personal habits with a partner.

Surely your partner is the person you want to show most consideration for?

That is not to say that these don't happen in healthyrelationships.

But to rejoice in being coarse and uncouth seems so puerile and moronic.

Much worse to be teaching your children similar awful habits that will mark them out as rude, rough, and coming from an undesirable background among their peers.

I have never heard of men behaving like this and I think it is behaviour reserved for scum.

OP, you deserve so much better.

Thank you so much for your support and comments.

I've been reflecting on a lot of his behaviours today and I just think perhaps he is horrible. He is v anxious and has lots of issues. But im not sure he's that nice to me really. Whenever there isn't something that he wants in the fridge he always jokes "what kind of shit show are you running here". I do remind him I actually work FT and it's not my show to be running and he just laughs. I just feel all these things he does to be funny actually feel mean and sexist.

I wish he wasn't around. Oh god. I'm so so terrified of leaving. Csnt imagine leaving my small DC with him for any length of time. He'll try and take them away from me. I think he will either have a breakdown or try to destroy me. Or both. He tells me it's forever all the time. Says me and the kids are the only things he's ever felt pride about.

Oh god. I just cannot imagine doing it.

I’m not keen on his references to his own house and I’m wondering what he’s communicating.Does he believe it’s his? It’s actually everyone’s home and everyone should feel comfortable.