Don’t want exes new gf to meet my kids

[Away77]

Ex husband and I were together for 15 years, divorced for 3 now. He’s been dating a much younger woman for probably 8-9 months. We’re mid 40s, not exactly sure how old she is as he won’t say but I’m guessing around mid 20s. He hasn’t brought it up yet but I’m sure he will soon. I don’t want her to meet my kids. He’s mentioned that it’s not a fling but I just don’t think it will work and I don’t want them getting attached to her and then being upset when it ends. Am I being unfair? Thinking too far ahead?

It’s an understandable feeling, but ultimately I don’t think it’s something you can actually stop from happening.

If they have been dating 8-9 months and they haven't met yet . I think it could be far worse

Yes you are.
9 months is not a fling and it's not your decision to make.

Nothing you can do about it unfortunately. It’s hard but having been through this with my ex (3 times) you just have to let go. She’s never going to replace you. ❤️

I think you are being both unfair and thinking too far ahead. He does not seem to be rushing it as it is nearly a year and it has still not happened, so it seems he is being sensible about it. At the point he is ready to then yes it should happen, she is a significant person in his life and so it makes sense, I suspect that their is more to this than you feeling they will be upset if he and his new partner have split, any chance it is because he is moving on with a new relationship and perhaps you are not?

It’s not your decision to make.

You can dislike it as much as you want but he is fully entitled to introduce her to your DC.

Is her age a problem for you? If it is, I'd try not to worry about that...many ex DH/DW are much older and batshit crazy.

YABU

Are you OK with your ex policing your partner?

Yeah sorry, unless you want him having an opinion on what the kids do and who they see when they’re with you, you’ll have to trust his judgment. As he’s waited this long without them meeting, I’d say he’s being sensible and not rushing it, so regardless of her age, this isn’t a reckless situation. If the kids get attached and then she leaves then it will be sad all round, but unfortunately no amount of shielding them from the world will stop them being hurt. I don’t know how long you’re thinking is a reasonable amount of time to get attached, but sadly relationships break down ALL the time, and those involving someone else’s kids and ex even more so.

So while it seems hard, from the perspective of someone who doesn’t want them to suffer another relationship breakdown, the best thing you can do is to coparent amicably, welcome the GF as a member of the family (in principle even if not actually physically!) and support your ex to be a decent dad and thoughtful partner at the same time. It may sting if he was not those things for you, but in terms of stability for the DCs, their dad being in a happy relationship is paramount so try not to be ‘that’ ex who oversteps and makes the GF feel like an outsider in her own relationship and there’s a much better chance it will last and your DC can safely learn to be attached to her. You’ll always be their mum of course, but the more adults that love them and care about them without making them feel guilty about it, the better.

Not your decision to make

You are being totally unreasonable and completely unrealistic.

YABVU.

9 months is fine.

Would you care if she were your age or older? Do you have some sort of internal misogyny going on?

Did I like it when DC met OW? No.
Did I try and stop it? No.

I was as positive as possible for my DC, and then drank wine and bitched to my friends.

It's not your decision and nine months is not a fling.

You need to grow up.

It’s not your choice to make unfortunately, his relationship isn’t any of your business.
Should he make the choice to let them meet, it is his choice to make.

@MorningNinja
Yes I suppose her age is part of the problem for me. She’s still very young with not a lot of life experience

I was only 23 when I met my partners daughter. No experience of kids what so ever but that didn't stop me being a good person to his daughter. His ex was absolutely vile towards me and it really rubbed off on his daughter. 8 years later we're still together with our own ds and a great relationship with sd. Don't be that ex. I understand the fear of being replaced but she will never ever replace you and I'm sure she wouldn't want too anyway, you're her one and only mom.

It's not your decision to make.

She doesn't need life experience to occasionally hang out with your children though.

[quote Away77]@MorningNinja
Yes I suppose her age is part of the problem for me. She’s still very young with not a lot of life experience[/quote]
You know absolutely nothing about her life experience. Stop being so condescending because you are jealous of her.

With respect OP it’s not your decision to make. There is literally nothing you can do to stop it from happening so I really wouldn’t start getting worked up about it. Work with the situation not against it. It makes life a lot less complicated and stressful!

You don't actually know her age though.

Why are you guessing mid 20s?

Fact is, even if you don't like him dating someone younger, you have been split for a long time. He has been dating her a while.

Even if those 2 things weren't true, then you couldn't stop it.

Given he has been with her while, you are being extremely unfair. And obviously something else is fuelling this.

Did you expect him to never have another long term relationship? We're you hoping you would get back together? Are you still not over him?

[quote Away77]@MorningNinja
Yes I suppose her age is part of the problem for me. She’s still very young with not a lot of life experience[/quote]
You don't know her. She could have lots of life experience.

By 25 I had traveled around the world on my own, bought a house and had 2 children.

9 months is absolutely fine to introduce the DC. I think you need to let go a little

Yes you're being unreasonable.