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Original poster

Don’t want exes new gf to meet my kids

129 replies

Away77 · 21/11/2021 12:54

Ex husband and I were together for 15 years, divorced for 3 now. He’s been dating a much younger woman for probably 8-9 months. We’re mid 40s, not exactly sure how old she is as he won’t say but I’m guessing around mid 20s. He hasn’t brought it up yet but I’m sure he will soon. I don’t want her to meet my kids. He’s mentioned that it’s not a fling but I just don’t think it will work and I don’t want them getting attached to her and then being upset when it ends. Am I being unfair? Thinking too far ahead?

OP posts:
supercali77 · 21/11/2021 16:43

I *wouldn't hold her age against her

Is what I meant to say

ChargingBuck · 21/11/2021 16:46

I'd be more concerned about them having contact with an abusive narcissist of a father than I would be about them meeting his g/f OP.

But that's beside the point - you can't do anything about it, & it's far better for your own wellbeing to put all thoughts of your ex out of your mind, including whether he's dating or not.

over2021 · 21/11/2021 16:50

@Away77

Some women here are quite harsh and nasty. You can give your opinions without being rude.

I guess I’m also hurting a little still. It’s hard to see him happily move on after leaving me in an absolute state mentally/emotionally through years of narcissistic abuse.

Im guessing mid 20s because she could pass for anything from 20-25.

I regularly get told I look like I'm 26/27 (in the contact of people being surprised I have a 14 yo DD). I'm 35.

You sound jealous. Which is totally normal but YABU. Thanks

Darkpheonix · 21/11/2021 16:58

I dont get how you you are guessing her age?

Have you met her? Has he shown your photos?

Sharletonz · 21/11/2021 17:00

The kids are shared, he can do whatever he wants in his contact time..subject to them being safe. It isn't your decision to make unfortunately.

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2021 17:02

Did he leave you op? In one breath you call him a narcissistic abuser. So I’d hope you lef him, but in the next you’re clearly jealous of his younger girlfriend, which indicates you’re maybe not over it yet, even though you’ve been split three years now,

I think you can’t get involved or stop him introducing his partner to his children when he chooses to. But you can focus on your own mental health and how you can get past him and accept he’s moved on

Have you tried therapy? Have you dated anyone?

Mantlemoose · 21/11/2021 17:03

They're not just your kids though are they? Yabu, let it go and move on.

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2021 17:06

Like others, I'm surprised they haven't met already.

Sorry OP but you need to move on. The kids will get over it if they get close to her and they split up.

neededafart · 21/11/2021 17:13

@Darkpheonix

I dont get how you you are guessing her age?

Have you met her? Has he shown your photos?

I would hazard a guess the answer is no. More like op has stalked her on social media and making up her conclusions from there.
Darkpheonix · 21/11/2021 17:18

@neededafart I am guessing that too.
Its all very unhealthy

GodIsAVegan · 21/11/2021 18:01

The kids will get over it if they get close to her and they split up.

On the surface they will because this woman is a nobody to them. But I hate this ‘kids are resilient’ attitude used as an excuse by adults to do things they want to do which may not be best for their children.
Two of my friends seen their dad have a few girlfriends which lasted up to a couple of years each from when my friends were age 10 ish onwards and it has affected them. One of their mums did the same. I never understand the need to join the kids up with the new partner so quickly.

Original poster
Away77 · 21/11/2021 20:26

@neededafart @Darkpheonix
Actually, I’ve spoken to his sister who mentioned she was shocked because she’s very young (old enough to be his daughter young). But wouldn’t say how old. I didn’t pull the number out of thin air.

OP posts:
Darkpheonix · 21/11/2021 20:59

[quote Away77]**@neededafart* @Darkpheonix*
Actually, I’ve spoken to his sister who mentioned she was shocked because she’s very young (old enough to be his daughter young). But wouldn’t say how old. I didn’t pull the number out of thin air.[/quote]
Yeah of course you did. Why on earth would you be talking to his sister about his new girlfriend. She sounds like a shit stirrer to tell you she is young, but not her exact age? Just tell you half a story?

And why the guess of 20-25? Why not under 30?

You need to move on.

GodIsAVegan · 21/11/2021 21:01

And why the guess of 20-25? Why not under 30?

Erm.... at a guess because she doesn’t look 26-29. 😂

GodIsAVegan · 21/11/2021 21:03

I imagine the real reason OP said it was because of the comment about she’s young enough to be his daughter. Maybe 29 isn’t.

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2021 21:04

@GodIsAVegan

The kids will get over it if they get close to her and they split up.

On the surface they will because this woman is a nobody to them. But I hate this ‘kids are resilient’ attitude used as an excuse by adults to do things they want to do which may not be best for their children.
Two of my friends seen their dad have a few girlfriends which lasted up to a couple of years each from when my friends were age 10 ish onwards and it has affected them. One of their mums did the same. I never understand the need to join the kids up with the new partner so quickly.

But I hate this ‘kids are resilient’ attitude used as an excuse by adults to do things they want to do which may not be best for their children.

I do too but I also hate it when aggrieved exes use the line they don't want their kids to meet the other person's new partner, 'In case they split up'. Absolutely fine if the relationship isn't serious, but when it is, there comes a time when it's fine for them to meet. There are no guarantees any relationship will last forever, or there'd no such thing as divorce.

GodIsAVegan · 21/11/2021 21:06

I do too but I also hate it when aggrieved exes use the line they don't want their kids to meet the other person's new partner, 'In case they split up'. Absolutely fine if the relationship isn't serious, but when it is, there comes a time when it's fine for them to meet. There are no guarantees any relationship will last forever, or there'd no such thing as divorce.

It’s the second woman in a few years. And she’s young. The chances of it lasting are slim and I can understand OPs concerns for her children. They’ve seen their dad with 3 women over the last few years if we include their mum. It’s grim.

Bushkin · 21/11/2021 21:07

As hard as it might be, it’s not within your control Flowers

Original poster
Away77 · 21/11/2021 21:07

@Darkpheonix
We’re still friends and talk occasionally.
Well if she was 30 he wouldn’t be old enough to be her father would he? Like I said, not out of thin air.

@GodIsAVegan
Yep, lol.

OP posts:
Monalotmoore · 21/11/2021 21:08

[quote Away77]**@neededafart* @Darkpheonix*
Actually, I’ve spoken to his sister who mentioned she was shocked because she’s very young (old enough to be his daughter young). But wouldn’t say how old. I didn’t pull the number out of thin air.[/quote]
Her age is none of his sister's business either.

Monalotmoore · 21/11/2021 21:10

[quote Away77]@Darkpheonix
We’re still friends and talk occasionally.
Well if she was 30 he wouldn’t be old enough to be her father would he? Like I said, not out of thin air.

@GodIsAVegan
Yep, lol.[/quote]
You realise you are starting to look a little quite envious? Being traded in for a younger model has obviously stung a little x

Viddy2021 · 21/11/2021 21:10

@AMalTiempoBuenaCara

I find people are always a bit harsh on these type of threads. It is gut wrenching and horrible when your kids meet the ow/new partner for the first time. It brings up all sorts of difficult emotions and plays on any insecurities you may have. I presume this is the first new partner they have met? In the kindest way there is nothing you can do, other than remain a constant for your kids, be neutral (or positive, if you can manage it) about her. And be kind to yourself. It's a hard first step to get over. I think it would be reasonable to request your ex let you know the first time they meet and whether she is introduced as a friend or girlfriend, so that you can be prepared for any questions that may come.
Don't mind some of these posts, which are obviously from new partners, not the mother of the children, who've likely never been in this situation themselves. I went through this too - from both sides - its hard and totally normal to be jealous and worry. With time, you'll see how things pan out and the important thing is that shes nice with your kids. She'll never replace you and could become an ally. Best of luck,
Darkpheonix · 21/11/2021 21:11

Her 29, for example, to his 'mid 40s' and he could be old enough to be her father.

Ita nice you an ex sil are friends. It's really odd you discuss your exs love life with her though

Original poster
Away77 · 21/11/2021 21:12

@Monalotmoore
Case in point of the nastiness for absolutely no reason here.

OP posts:
RhubarbCustardy · 21/11/2021 21:19

Think it's hard to see someone moving on after such a long time together. Just remember why you split up in the first place. If you could, would you go back? Probably not. If she's young then she's more easily molded and manipulated by him. Just be glad you're not in that situation now. When you feel happier in yourself, got back your confidence and maybe need someone else, everything will seem better. It doesn't matter if they meet her, its really insignificant. Maybe all of that is incorrect, just reading between the lines. My ex got married and it took me by surprise and I felt hurt. Then I gave myself a talking to, he was pretty horrible to me and I deserve better.