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Original poster

What are one night stands like?

168 replies

MsWalterMitty · 20/11/2021 19:21

I’m 38 and never had a one night stand! To be fair I’ve been with dh since i was 21! But I’m interested to know how people navigate them?

I don’t want to know the nitty gritty, but just how it happens, whether there’s awkwardness? Or certain feelings before/after like nervousness or regret?

I dunno really!

I promise I’m not the media!

OP posts:
SpangoDweller · 21/11/2021 06:25

They’re like a lolly with no identifying wrapper. You have to suck it and see if it’s a lolly you’ll want to last forever, be a flavour you’re quite partial to reminiscing about, meh/ boak flavoured, or detaches from its stick and tries to choke you.

Love this description and also @invisiblecats description of different conversations.

I’ve had some excellent ONS and some crap ones, just like I’ve had some excellent relationships and some (ultimately) crap ones. I also married someone who was initially a ONS.

You’re not missing out on the experience itself. I disagree that sex in a relationship is fundamentally better - it’s just different. Like having a deep and meaningful conversation with a friend is different to having a good chat with a stranger on a train.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/11/2021 07:24

@fedup65356

How do you even get a ONS in the first place? And how do you know the guy isn't a murderer or rapist?

Genuine questions from someone who has never had a ONS Blush

Can only speak from my experience but I didn’t think about it in my teens. No one taught me to protect myself. And I didn’t think much of me anyway. I was just very trusting. Porn wasn’t as prolific so I was never expected to do things I didn’t want to. Never anything forced or rough.
Mybalconyiscracking · 21/11/2021 07:31

Not had one for quarter of a century. I used to feel incredibly sad afterwards. It was the illusion of intimacy. I wanted a relationship at the time, a one night stand was no substitute really.

UseOfWeapons · 21/11/2021 07:36

Had a few wonderful ones, and a couple of crap ones. I’m neither ashamed nor proud, they were experiences, part of my history, and mostly enjoyable. I never looked for them, though, as in I never went out on the hunt for sex, but even if I had , I’d still feel the same. Some nice memories!

StarlightLady · 21/11/2021 07:43

Sometimes if the chemistry is there and you have an itch that needs scratching, it’s so good to go for it. Even a one off requires that little conversation first though.

In my view a succession of bed fellows is better than a poor to mediocre relationship. Just be fussy and choose well.

DrinkingWishingSmokingHoping · 21/11/2021 07:46

Ah yes. Quite a few in my long distant youth. Some great, some mediocre. A few memorable ones…

One who I slept with purely on the basis of his jenga playing. He had very sexy fingers. Grin

A children’s television presenter who begged and begged until I let him go down on me. Confused He was a strange (and coercive, looking back) one. Next day he swore he’d ring me as soon as he got home. He didn’t. Called me two weeks later saying he was filming in a field with Anneka Rice, as though this was meant to be impressive. Hmm

A friendly acquaintance, who played in a band whose music I really loved, and whose enormous (like 4ft by 3ft) poster I had on the wall above my bed. So we had sex under the poster of their most recent album, which was a little weird. Then some other stuff happened and he ended up shaking and crying - in a good way, he said, but still! Shock

Ah, memories of my misspent youth. Grin

Em0865 · 21/11/2021 07:52

They are a mixed bag! Some of my ‘one night stands’ turned into long term relationships so obviously they were good! ...some awkward and had regrets if I’d been very drunk and paid less attention to our mismatched personalities or if we’d been very incompatible in bed. I slept with my husband on the first date and the sex was actually terrible (we both agreed and even discussed it the next day!) ..we were too drunk. Fortunately we got on well enough to see each other again and have better sex!

Em0865 · 21/11/2021 07:56

I think it’s normal to have these thoughts as you get older as I even have them and I did have plenty of one night stands! I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant and yesterday we drove through town and saw this girl in her 20s smoking outside a bar...I had a flashback of being that girl with zero responsibilities and going on nights out where anything could happen! Obviously very happy with my life now but it’s worlds apart and do miss feeling care free sometimes

millievanillaice · 21/11/2021 08:31

A one night stand is different to having shagged your husband within hours of meeting him.

A one night stand is somebody you have sex with just the once

Polmuggle · 21/11/2021 08:45

@Megan1992xx

Walk of shame so true carrying your heels in one hand with barefoot and hair all dishevelled!
Exactly why do always do them at your house! Much easier for men to get gone the next day.
JustThisLastLittleBit · 21/11/2021 08:57

I’ve had two batches, one in my 20s and then in my 50s, both as part of a process to get over big relationships. No awful ones, several good/sweet ones. No walk of shame of course. I wearied of them though and made the active decision to seek committed, loving sex, which is far more satisfying.

Bodier · 21/11/2021 09:20

I had a spell of them between age 21-25. I’d say 10-15 in total. Most were very underwhelming and always drunken.

I used to hate waking up next to some man, see my dress/bra and knickers strewn all over the floor, realise I didn’t even really fancy him that much (it was pretty easy to get a snog off me when I was out as I was very much a beer goggles on type of girl and these led to the bedroom on many occasions). The awkward chat, the “maybe we will see each other again bullshit”, the walk of shame from one part of the city to another. I look back and wonder what the fuck I was thinking. My DH knows about a lot of these as we worked together so the stories would be told on nights out that he was on! Year later when we were discussing it following a tv programme, he asked why I carried on doing it when I didn’t like it. I couldn’t really answer. I just wanted what everyone else had, a relationship and saw this as a possible way of getting it. It didn’t work!

I did have two good ones though. A man I met in the bar whilst working away . He was a great shag, very attentive and very handsome. Kept me up all night! Another was a man I met on holiday and that turned into a 10 night stand! Good memories that holiday!

EmeraldShamrock · 21/11/2021 14:49

Exactly why do always do them at your house.
It isn't a good idea allowing random men know where you live if they turn out to be weird stalkers.

Sonaftersonafterson · 21/11/2021 17:00

For me, after years of marriage, it was nerve wracking at first but so much fun! Liberating

TrishM80 · 22/11/2021 07:26

OP, I think the ladies who've had multiple ONSs and saying you've missed nothing, doth protest too much. They enjoyed it enough to keep going back for more!

StarlightLady · 22/11/2021 07:47

I think some of the negative responses here go back to the view that sex is something a women gives to a man.

A quality ONS is like scratching an itch and pure hormone bubbling passion. Nothing wrong in that.

SpangoDweller · 22/11/2021 07:51

@StarlightLady

I think some of the negative responses here go back to the view that sex is something a women gives to a man.

A quality ONS is like scratching an itch and pure hormone bubbling passion. Nothing wrong in that.

Definitely. If you’re looking for a relationship, a ONS will probably leave you feeling a bit sad and empty. If you hands-down want to fuck someone, can’t concentrate on anything else for thinking about their body, then it will probably be amazing.
highlighta · 22/11/2021 07:59

I have had two that I can remember. Not drinking related but I mean time wise. After my divorce.

First one, awful. I had had far too much to drink though and he didn't appear that gorgeous snoring his head off next to me. He blanked me from the morning after, perhaps he felt the same way Grin I cant even say the sex was that great. I regretted this one.

2nd one... gosh I would have a do over any time. Sadly he was just visiting the area, but I could have fallen for him. He was lovely, and we had a good time. There was absolutely no awkwardness the next morning, in fact we declined breakfast to have that extra hour.....

So no two ONS are the same from what I have experienced.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/11/2021 08:07

Best was a horny Transylvanian man , don’t ask me how or why but I remember it to this day

Worst
Well they fade into memory !!!! So many

Lovelearn · 06/04/2023 00:19

I was late in life meeting my wife and she is the only person I have slept with. I thought that's how it worked, waited for the perfect scenario thinking sex would form part of that life. I knew she had an active sex life before me but we seemed perfect for each other but many years later she doesn't seem interested in me sexually. So now I find myself asking the same question about one night stands but from a male point of view. Did I mess up never taking the chances I had? Maybe if I had more I would also be happy with less active sex life now.

GreyCarpet · 06/04/2023 00:49

I had loads when I was younger.

Best one was the bloke I'd brought home from a night out.

He yold me awkwardly in the morning that he wasn't looking for a relationship. I said it was fine as i wasn't looking for one either and then I made him help me tidy my flat and clean my kitchen because my nan was coming to stay 😁

Phoebo · 06/04/2023 01:03

A ONS was on my bucket list, there was a huge build up but unfortunately it was a big let down! I've only had one so can't comment much. I don't think I could do it unless I was drunk first. I reckon you should try it, you only live once 😀

Zanatdy · 06/04/2023 07:55

I’ve only had them when pissed. It wasn’t too embarrassing in the morning and most of the ones I’ve had (probably less than 5, when I was in my late teens / early 20’s, long time ago) we had sex again in the morning so no awkwardness really. Just a thanks for a good night, goodbye when time to go!

Must say I’ve never really liked a one night stand as I like to have sex with men I connect with. Not to ‘make love’ but also more fucking I guess I still like to have a connection with the guy. I wouldn’t have one now, I never felt good about myself afterwards. I felt a bit used, even though I was a willing participant. I’ve never done it sober

ThePredictableScript · 06/04/2023 11:35

I had a few aged 18-21 whilst I was fwb my stbxh. I had a 4 some type thing with my friend and a closet gay couple, that was just a laugh. I had a really good one with someone who I repeated a few times (but I was in love secretly with my stbxh), I had a bad one on a girls holiday where he didn't have a clue what he was doing and then my last one was aged 21 when I'd broken up with my stbxh, went to a hotel with him that he paid for, faked an orgasm and told him to get up and go 😳 I was not in a good place mentally as I was heartbroken. Lesson learnt, its been 5 months since separation with stbxh and I'm now 35 and excited to have experiences again but didn't want to rush into anything. I look back at them ons and I'm glad I had them and I'm happy I get a second shot of being youngish free and single again even if at the time its not the best, looking back always glamourises it imo.

PopGoesTheProsecco · 06/04/2023 12:25

Had a ONS 10 years ago after my ExH left for the OW. It was absolutely amazing. We met on a dating site and beforehand I made it very clear that I was not interested in a relationship and that it would just be a one night thing...

We're now very happily engaged.