What are one night stands like?

[MsWalterMitty]

I’m 38 and never had a one night stand! To be fair I’ve been with dh since i was 21! But I’m interested to know how people navigate them?

I don’t want to know the nitty gritty, but just how it happens, whether there’s awkwardness? Or certain feelings before/after like nervousness or regret?

I dunno really!

I promise I’m not the media!

I have only had one one night stand out of nearly 40 years of being sexually active with other people. It was very underwhelming, the two things I remember most about it (it was over 30 years ago) was that he didn't want a bj, I loved giving them, and receiving their equivalent, but I didn't get that either! The second thing that I still remember is that his bottom sheet had a hole in it. I felt a bit put out that he couldn't be bothered to have put a decent sheet on the bed for me 😂
Out of those 40 years, and "other" people, there were only 3 sexual partners, and I maried two of them, not at the same time I hasten to add. I still have one of them, but our partnership ceased being sexual many years ago.
Please don't feel that you have missed out on a one night stand, you haven't, you did have a one night stand, but it was so good you decided to repeat it lots of times 😉

They can be great!! I kinda miss them now I have a bf and am fat. I miss the rush of them looking at you and knowing they want you.. and it’s all a bit exciting.. the kissing and shall we shan’t we. Next morning they / me have a cup of tea and then go.. (or sometimes I’ve crept out in the early hours).. or sometimes it’s led to brunch and something more!

I had one that was amazing, I was about 20 and he was probably about 20 years older. He worked in the pub I used to go to and we ended up at the bus stop and he asked me back to his place. The sex was fun and amazing, he cared about what I liked. The next morning was slightly awkward as I was wakened up by his friend banging on the door. The friend ended up driving me home so no walk of shame.

He kept trying to chat me up in the pub after that but I wasn't interested.

Another was horrible, think a man so drunk he stopped half way through and threw up over the side of the bed. That was not fun.

I wouldn't have another ONS now I am older but my wild party days were fun, albeit risky, at the time.

@RainLol

Horrible.

One guy was way too rough, I don’t want to say anything more about it.

Other was just bad, didn’t enjoy that one either. At all.

And the third, and last one, just pulled his ”kinky moves” on me, without my consent.

All of my ONS has left me feeling awful, disgusted with myself, gross and in pain.

The last guy was about four years ago, I have been single and celibate since.
I don’t ever want to have sex again and don’t think I would trust a guy enough to date them.
But it would be sexless relationship if I did.

I'm sorry that you had to experience that Some men are just fucking wankers Take care of yourself

I'd rather a ons than boring sex with the same person for decades.

I miss my old life.

I've not had many true ons's (ie never met before and never saw again). One offs with someone I vaguely knew tended to be better esp if they'd been a long time crush. I love the passion!

If it is no good then all you've wasted is one night. But if it's good it's amazing and you can do and say anything without ever having to see them again.

@blameless

No personal experience. Reading the comments here that most want a significant connection before hopping in the sack - it's just that some folks feel that they've achieved that within a few hours of meeting someone.

No, not at all most of my ONS experiences were great because there was no (emotional) connection, we liked each other and fancied the pants of each other, but didn't want a relationship with each other I think that people who enjoyed ONS are probably similar, can disconnect enjoying sex from emotional needs. I think sex would be better with someone with whom you had emotional intimacy but ONS without that can be great too, if you enjoy sex for sex's sake. Depends on your mindset

Sorry to the people who have had bad experiences with idiots though, no excuse for that sort of behaviour

You said are married.are you looking to have an affair?Its just normally people here absolutely slaughter any woman or man who has an affair.It seems the word one night stand is ok,but an affair is not.utterly confused here

@onsland

Thanks for the clarification, looks like it's not for me - which is a shame as I have a free evening next week.

@fedup65356

How do you even get a ONS in the first place? And how do you know the guy isn't a murderer or rapist?

Genuine questions from someone who has never had a ONS

Get chatting. All those friendly men you used to chat to at house parties? They were probably potential ONSs. In their heads anyway!

I'm never drunk, and never feel dirty or ashamed. The vast majority have been fun, nice, lovely, try new things, cuddles, makes you a cuppa and/or breakfast...

The minority...
One pulled out of a box of sex toys and said he was well known in the BDSM community (yeah right!)
One accused me of stealing his passport (by text, 3 weeks later), then said I was bitter.
One said not to scratch his back because his mum might notice when they'd go swimming the next morning.
One wanted to keep his socks on, insisted we had a break for Match of the Day, secretly removed the condom.

Thankfully, like in any relationship, the vast majority don't think sexual assault/rape is on the menu, and that experience hasn't put me off the concept of an ONS. Wanting to keep socks on is a red flag for me, mind.

They can be ultra passionate. But an afternoon stand is better, when you can go home and wake up to your own bathroom in the morning.

Mostly disappointing. I haven't had many as a few of the better ones turned into relationships.

Mine told me I'd have to convert to Catholicism before we got married then left right after DTD (badly) saying he'd have to go to confession early to beg forgiveness for sleeping with a fallen woman.

@CharlotteRose90

I’ve had a couple and sadly I’ve regretted them afterwards. Always made me feel dirty. It’s fantastic at the time but the walk of shame the next day is awful. You haven’t missed much haha

I'd understand not enjoying them but I don't understand this. If the experience is, by your own account, "fantastic", then how can society's stupid imposition of "shame" upon two consenting adults doing something that hurts nobody and is nobody else's business destroy that?

I had one.
My marriage had recently failed. Not interested in men. Night out with single friends. We met 2 single guys, one very attractive to my friends, the other less so.
I talked to the less attractive guy, and they pounced on the 'hot guy'. The other one was boring, but it was for the sisterhood.
A few hours in, I noticed an altercation between my friend and 'hot guy'.
She flounced, he looked bemused.
I went over to him, because I'm nosy.

He told me she had offered him certain friends for sex.
He wasn't an object, and refused.
He told her he liked me.
She said I was off limits, due to circumstances.

Boring friend had vanished. My friends vanished.
I walked to hot guy's hotel, and went in for a drink.
The drink became sex.
The sex became my second husband.

I rarely used to let them stay the night. It avoids the awkwardness the next morning, plus I really like sleeping in my bed on my own.
I have had a lot of ONS and a few fuck buddies. If anything, it was some of the occasions with fuck buddies that I regret rather than the one night stands. I don't tend to get into relationships easily and when I have done, they've been intense, so afterwards I've just wanted fun. I used to see it as having an itch to scratch (which I guess in context sounds a bit wrong!! 🤨) I used to go to RnB clubs here and a certain type of man there tended to be quite easy to pick up, so often a few looks, a couple of smiles, exchange names then "back to mine?" I was judged by some people, but I don't give a shit. I did no worse than the guys, and I was in control of how the night went. I was much happier than friends who kept falling for guys then getting their hearts broken every so often.

The only reason I gave it up is cause I'm now fat and cba to do the flirting thing, or even go to a club to meet someone. There's tinder but that just seems so...clinical. I prefer the spontaneity of bring drunk in the club and finding someone

The last one night stand I had.... I ended up marrying him. You don't know it's going to be one night stand at that point I suppose.

I must be misunderstanding the meaning of ONS. To me its meeting someone, having sex and not seeing them again ie 1 night. If you married them or had a relationship how is that a ONS?

@Soldoutinyoursize

I must be misunderstanding the meaning of ONS. To me its meeting someone, having sex and not seeing them again ie 1 night. If you married them or had a relationship how is that a ONS?

It was when you met them and had sex.

For some reason you manage to keep in contact with each other.

Well from my own experience and that of friends, women can get ‘attached’ after sex, even if they didn’t really like the guy that much.

The next day he turns in to this god like creature that you can’t stop thinking about and you want more and more. You become emotionally attached but it’s the chemical reactions in our daft brains 😂

On the other hand, men see it fit exactly waft it is. Just sex. No feelings involved.

Good old hormones!

@Larryyourwaiter

I misread Morden as Mordor, which would be a really terrible ONS.

To be fair, it's easy to confuse the two at 6.45 on a Sunday morning.

I love a ons. I enjoy the whole fairly anonymous sex and doing exactly what I want because I know I'm probably not going to see them again.

Some have been better than others for sure, but it's not just about the getting off for me. I love the thrill of the flirt, the desperation to shag, the messiness of it. Usually i leave after, or if I like them I'll stay for a morning round.

It's different to sex with someone you know inside out but it's not bad different.

Then last one I had is still trying to contact me...2 years later.

I brought someone home who asked for a T-shirt to sleep in. The rest have been mediocre at best. I even had to make a bed up once.

You're not missing out op

I couldn't seem to make it just one night. I always seemed to end up being actual friends or their girlfriend afterward. Funnily enough now I'm in my forties I still see some of the dudes I shagged in my twenties around the city. One confessed to me recently he'd lost his v with me. I can't tell if he was hinting at a repeat session (probably was) but I'm a one-man gal these days. This guy and I have been friends and professional acquaintances now for 20-odd years after meeting at a work do and getting monstered. Great shags turn into meaningful friendships if you quite like men and their company.

@MsWalterMitty

I’m 38 and never had a one night stand! To be fair I’ve been with dh since i was 21! But I’m interested to know how people navigate them?

I don’t want to know the nitty gritty, but just how it happens, whether there’s awkwardness? Or certain feelings before/after like nervousness or regret?

I dunno really!

I promise I’m not the media!

In my experience you are missing absolutely nothing (unless you enjoy regretful feelings about bad choices).