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Original poster

What are one night stands like?

168 replies

MsWalterMitty · 20/11/2021 19:21

I’m 38 and never had a one night stand! To be fair I’ve been with dh since i was 21! But I’m interested to know how people navigate them?

I don’t want to know the nitty gritty, but just how it happens, whether there’s awkwardness? Or certain feelings before/after like nervousness or regret?

I dunno really!

I promise I’m not the media!

OP posts:
Buildingthefuture · 20/11/2021 21:09

Never had one! I have legged it though after the first shag with a bloke I’ve been dating if it was truly awful…does that count? One particularly memorable chap used his finger nails in places where finger nails should NEVER go…..I snuck out at 3am and in the pre- mobile world, never saw or heard from him again (thank god!)

ballsdeep · 20/11/2021 21:10

I always feel like I wouldn't know what to do in the morning!! Do you stay for coffee, high tail our of there or snuggle??

RestingMurderousFace · 20/11/2021 21:12

My best and my worst one was one night in the gardens of a hotel in Sicily with a handsome football coach. I was pissed (obvs) and kept my high heeled strappy sandals on, not the smartest idea when straddling an athlete on a sun lounger. Ended up spraining my ankle and needed a wheelchair at the airport the next day. Blush

FatCottonBuds · 20/11/2021 21:12

I've had a fair few over the years. They were all brilliant! A sense of humour definitely helps. Never felt dirty, made some great friends!

PetulantClerk · 20/11/2021 21:13

Fairly sordid, in my limited experience. I was 17, he was 18 and both of us very drunk (both times). He brought me a beer for breakfast the next morning. It was with the same person so technically not a one-night-stand but for all intents and purposes that's what it was. He was a musician and I didn't even know his last name until I saw him on the internet 30 years later.

DukeofEarlGrey · 20/11/2021 21:14

@Amberflames

I had a few back in the day, but only ever with people I already knew. I recall one was a massive disappointment. The sexual tension had been building up for a while but the sex was just terrible. No spark at all. It’s not affected our friendship at all though and we’re still in the same friendship group. Another was with someone I really fancied and the sex was great but didn’t go anywhere.
Does this count as a ONS though? I would just call it shagging your mate as a one-off. If this is a ONS then I have had more than I thought!
AntiCornLawLeague · 20/11/2021 21:14

I've been with my dh since I was 21 too and I still managed a few ons! You really aren't missing much tbh. When I found dh, I was like "oooooh, this is it then". Way better (for me anyway)

521Jeanie · 20/11/2021 21:16

The only one I ever had was in holiday in Ibiza when I was about 20; the condom split and I sobered up VERY quickly and couldn't get out of there fast enough. Had to flag down a cab in a quiet part of town to get back to my hotel. Not a pleasant memory and caused me a lot of anxiety for a long time afterwards, thinking how stupid I'd been to get myself in that vulnerable situation.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 20/11/2021 21:18

I've had loads of them. They're fun, normally v drunk. But Ultimately I find them very empty and depressing , and I am not intending to have any more!

KarmaElBanana · 20/11/2021 21:23

@RestingMurderousFace

My best and my worst one was one night in the gardens of a hotel in Sicily with a handsome football coach. I was pissed (obvs) and kept my high heeled strappy sandals on, not the smartest idea when straddling an athlete on a sun lounger. Ended up spraining my ankle and needed a wheelchair at the airport the next day. Blush
That’s hilarious @resting Grin
Itawapuddytat · 20/11/2021 21:24

I had a few, a long time ago, before settling down. Some were fun, one was really bad and one I really regret as it spoiled a friendship (we used to be good friends and really shouldn't have sex). I ended up married to my last one - but we started dating only a couple of months later. When it happened, it WAS meant to be only a ONS though Grin

KarmaElBanana · 20/11/2021 21:24

@ballsdeep

I always feel like I wouldn't know what to do in the morning!! Do you stay for coffee, high tail our of there or snuggle??
Just snuggle! No need to make it awkward. Unless you’re not feeling it, in which case say a friendly goodbye and leave.
Keladrythesaviour · 20/11/2021 21:27

Hey, they're fun at the time but nothing to write home about. I shook one of mine's hand when I left Blush

fedup65356 · 20/11/2021 21:27

How do you even get a ONS in the first place? And how do you know the guy isn't a murderer or rapist?

Genuine questions from someone who has never had a ONS Blush

Gwrach · 20/11/2021 21:30

Well no two are the same.

Some are crap, some are good. Sometimes you sneak out before they wake up, sometimes you stay for a cuppa and chat shit before giving a fake mobile number and hot footing it out of a premier Inn 🤣

NebbiaZanzare · 20/11/2021 21:33

It depends.

Most were blah. Nothing awful, but didn’t leave me feeling great about myself or the experience.

A few were awkward, uncomfortable and one turned into outright “survival mode” until fleeing became an option.

A tiny few are lovely memories of a moment frozen in time, never marred by rows about whose turn it is to do the washing up. A mix of heady sensuality, romance and a bittersweet nostalgia for when I was young and fearless.

One turned into my husband of more than a 1/4 of a century, currently negotiating with DS (21) about the chance of him (DS) making a second pizza.

They’re like a lolly with no identifying wrapper. You have to suck it and see if it’s a lolly you’ll want to last forever, be a flavour you’re quite partial to reminiscing about, meh/ boak flavoured, or detaches from its stick and tries to choke you.

onsland · 20/11/2021 21:34

I split up with fiance just before wedding at age 31 as I realised I wasn't in love and then went out with a rebound someone for about a year and with him I discovered great sex for the first time, and was then single for a few years, and while single I had about 5 one night stands and they were all great, to be honest, I think because I had discovered great sex and what i wanted, and no longer felt I needed to be in a relationship to enjoy it. I would have preferred a relationship, but hadn't met anyone I wanted to be in a relationship with and so a ONS with a nice guy I was attracted to was next best thing.

I have only had two experiences with men I regret, really, and both times it was when I hadn't wanted sex but they had, and they had basically given me the ick and I regretted going out for a drink with them at all.

I think once I had decided to go for a ONS I was pretty sure that I liked them enough as a person and there was chemistry, that was the difference. Didn't feel awkward afterwards at all. No walk of shame. Just felt great, really.

VelmaKelly88 · 20/11/2021 21:37

Awful, you're not missing anything. For me sex has always been better when I've been in a relationship 😊

RainLol · 20/11/2021 21:37

Horrible.

One guy was way too rough, I don’t want to say anything more about it.

Other was just bad, didn’t enjoy that one either. At all.

And the third, and last one, just pulled his ”kinky moves” on me, without my consent.

All of my ONS has left me feeling awful, disgusted with myself, gross and in pain.

The last guy was about four years ago, I have been single and celibate since.
I don’t ever want to have sex again and don’t think I would trust a guy enough to date them.
But it would be sexless relationship if I did.

Lachimolala · 20/11/2021 21:43

@Maskless

ONS that seemed like a good idea before DTD turned out to make me feel like an unpaid prostitute afterwards.

Partly because the guys didn't make much effort, just did what they needed to get themselves off and didn't care about me.

I'd never do it again.

This has been my experience every single time. Honestly it was so depressing, everyone told me they were fun but I just ended up feeling used and annoyed.
invisiblecats · 20/11/2021 21:44

I've had lots of ONS (although none for the last decade or so, to be fair).

Asking "what's a ONS like" is a bit like asking "what's it like having a conversation with a person?"

Whether you enjoy a chat depends on how well you click, whether you both have any conversational skills, whether you enjoy similar kinds of conversations, whether either of you / both are good at listening and responding, whether you're happy to put up with someone banging on about themselves or want a deeper connection etc etc.

Loads have been crap tbh. Some were great fun. One of the worst was a VERY well endowed block as

a. We didn't click
b. He was well aware of how well endowed he was and didn't think he needed to make any effort.

invisiblecats · 20/11/2021 21:45

*block not block

Juancornetto · 20/11/2021 21:45

I remember doing the walk of shame once in gold glittery platform high heels, smudged eye makeup and birds nest hair and feeling like a proper rock chick - made the rubbish sex worth it 😁

blameless · 20/11/2021 21:45

No personal experience. Reading the comments here that most want a significant connection before hopping in the sack - it's just that some folks feel that they've achieved that within a few hours of meeting someone.

invisiblecats · 20/11/2021 21:45

Gah, bloke!! Stupid phone!