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Original poster

New partner's surprise

177 replies

Sunnycat · 19/11/2021 23:21

I have met this lovely guy off tinder and things have been going really well. Only problem is he's just told me he's a virgin!! He's 32 and real shy and he's says that he's never been in a position to do the deed. I'm 28 how do I approch this or do I just run now??

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 17/01/2022 05:01

He had an erection all the time whenever you were together even with your friends there and would ejaculate at the mere mention of sex? How unusual. Did you not notice this on meeting him?

Arethechildreninbedyet · 17/01/2022 06:31

Nope. There’s late bloomers and then there’s virgin/single for a reason.

It’s either a line or he has some serious intimacy/commitment issues

DishwashDogsDickens · 17/01/2022 06:39

Is everyone who isn’t a virgin in at 32 a catch

Not everyone learns from teenage mistakes

You say he is a gentleman and kind
Maybe he was just waiting for someone who saw who he was - and that helped him overcome his shyness

How lovely you found each other

StopStartStop · 17/01/2022 06:51

@Notbornwithit

I suspect this is probably a line
Indeed.
RedHot22 · 17/01/2022 07:05

DH was a virgin when we got together.
He was 28.
I didn’t find out for another 20 years.

RedHot22 · 17/01/2022 07:07

…… ignore me. Just read update

firstimemamma · 17/01/2022 07:13

It's the still living with his mum thing that would be a deal breaker for me personally.

Subbaxeo · 17/01/2022 07:14

Some of the opinions seem to be a bit sexist. Would a man be told to run if a woman he was dating said she was sexually inexperienced. Do you like him? That’s the bar to measure. Does he treat you well and do you feel good in his company?
Might be an idea to watch Outlander!

Subbaxeo · 17/01/2022 07:16

Sorry-read the update-well done for giving it a go OP!

IFinallyJoinedNowWhat · 17/01/2022 07:18

@vdbfamily

Honestly the comments on here are pretty offensive. My DH and I met in our 30's, were both virgins and have been happily married nearly 20 years. Some people lack opportunity. Some people want to wait for the right person. It really is not that weird.
I totally agree. I was a virgin until I met my now wife and we've been married 15 years now. I wanted to wait for the right person, for someone who meant something to me. According to some on this thread, that makes me odd and repressed and I should have lost it to someone that didn't mean anything to me years earlier... Hmm
GalacticGoddess · 17/01/2022 07:20

Hmmm, mummy's boy isn't necessarily a huge issue aslong as he is able to detach from her household if/when the time comes to have his own family. Nothing saying he can't see his mum loads or have lots of involvement - but you want to feel that you're his number one if you end up having a family with him.

That being said, it's early days and him being a virgin wouldn't put me off. What would put me off is if he had learnt about sex from porn and wasn't willing to learn about what felt nice for me (and him). If he is repressed or close minded, then that would put me off.

I hope tomorrow goes well! (And also hope we get an update, not that you're obliged or anything obviously)

Does he work OP?

GalacticGoddess · 17/01/2022 07:21

Oh and also, if he couldn't engage in household tasks equally that would put me off. I know a couple where if the baby is unwell he calls his mum to come and deal with it as he 'just can't' and often goes off gaming/out with mates instead.

Keep an eye out for proper red flags. Being a virgin isn't necessarily one.

Chikapu · 17/01/2022 07:24

I hope tomorrow goes well! (And also hope we get an update, not that you're obliged or anything obviously)

There have been several updates and the OP is no longer with this guy.

Metabigot · 17/01/2022 07:43

I went out with a virgin when I was around 28 and him 26 or so.

I think he'd had problems with figuring out his sexuality and had been borderline asexual although perfectly happy to have sex with me so it seems a switch got turned on.

It didn't really bother me to be honest. I had fun teaching him.

The relationship didn't last that long but it was nothing to do with the sex, we lived in different cities and and found an LDR too difficult.

Dumle · 17/01/2022 07:48

I don't understand why him being a virgin would make you run. You say that he's a gentleman and puts you first, that's way more important. He's shy, so one night stands were out of the question for him. He's not had a relationship before so it's not strange that he's a virgin. Just see how it goes, you might be really happy together.

firstimemamma · 17/01/2022 07:49

@Dumle read the update, they broke up last month.

Stoic123 · 17/01/2022 07:50

Hi Op

This is not a red flag in itself.Treat him as you would have liked to have been treated the first time. I'd prefer an unselfish/inexperienced lover over a selfish/experienced one. Alot of it comes down to chemistry and communication anyway

As for general relationaship experience, time will tell. Just take things slow and easy.

He sounds a nice person- hope it works out for you both.

Stoic123 · 17/01/2022 07:51

Oops- sorry- seen update. Apologies.

Weesue86 · 17/01/2022 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sunnycat · 17/01/2022 08:53

Yes my girlfriend's

OP posts:
DishwashDogsDickens · 17/01/2022 09:49

I am struggling not to imagine my response to this thread if it was written by a guy about a woman

It is a shame it couldn’t have been worked in a bit more … or a bit of medical help couldnt be accessed

Wonder what fwb means - someone suggested

Weesue86 · 17/01/2022 19:22

@DishwashDogsDickens

I am struggling not to imagine my response to this thread if it was written by a guy about a woman

It is a shame it couldn’t have been worked in a bit more … or a bit of medical help couldnt be accessed

Wonder what fwb means - someone suggested

Fwb, means friend with benefits, ie no strings sex
Weesue86 · 19/01/2022 16:44

I personally think he would be a great catch!! It can't have been easy for him living at home with a mother who maybe needs support and getting the opportunity to meet women. Just tell him what you want in the bedroom and what works for you. I would take him being turned on all the time around you as a positive! he must find you very attractive and why not have a bit of fun before to make use of it!!

TheGrinchsDog · 19/01/2022 18:10

@Weesue86

I personally think he would be a great catch!! It can't have been easy for him living at home with a mother who maybe needs support and getting the opportunity to meet women. Just tell him what you want in the bedroom and what works for you. I would take him being turned on all the time around you as a positive! he must find you very attractive and why not have a bit of fun before to make use of it!!
Can you please highlight or list the bits from the OP's posts that make you believe this guy is a catch? Interested because I think he's the complete opposite personally and I see red flags waving.

And what about when he's got a boner in front of your mates? Your granny/ family when he meets them? God forbid he enjoys how you look if you have to go to a funeral...Just nip off for a quickie every 5 mins? I suppose at least it would actually be a proper quickie.

Dweetfidilove · 19/01/2022 18:17

I can see why he's still a virgin if everyone runs when he tells them.
Not everyone wants to start at 15/16 and some people value starting in a committed relationship.