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Original poster

New partner's surprise

177 replies

Sunnycat · 19/11/2021 23:21

I have met this lovely guy off tinder and things have been going really well. Only problem is he's just told me he's a virgin!! He's 32 and real shy and he's says that he's never been in a position to do the deed. I'm 28 how do I approch this or do I just run now??

OP posts:
HeartsAndClubs · 21/11/2021 07:30

I would imagine a lot more men are virgins

Joystir59 · 21/11/2021 07:31

Hope things go well for you OP..

HeartsAndClubs · 21/11/2021 07:32

Send to soon…

I would imagine a lot more men are virgins than admit in these surveys. And the responses on this thread aren’t hard to see why.

Personally I would rather a virgin than someone who spent his 20’s shagging around. But isn’t it interesting that if I said I wouldn’t want to be with someone who had had more than 10 partners (in fact I would far rather not that many) I would be told I was judgemental.

yet it seems that not sleeping around is worse. Hmm

showmethegin · 21/11/2021 07:40

Personally the virgin part wouldn't be a huge deal for me but the fact he is in his 30s and still lived with his mum would make me run a mile.

superstar84 · 21/11/2021 07:53

I think he sounds a really nice guy

Just see where things go, as others say he might need a bit of guidance but he might also surprise you!

Original poster
Sunnycat · 21/11/2021 08:09

@showmethegin

Personally the virgin part wouldn't be a huge deal for me but the fact he is in his 30s and still lived with his mum would make me run a mile.
It's not ideal but think he does care for/ support his mother. chatting with him he says there wasn't much point him living elsewhere and paying two lots of bills. He would tell you his self that it is a bit weird at his age. But is its that really his fault?, that he is in that position where as he could be living alone and playing the field. I'm lucky enough that I don't have them caring responsibilities with my family. Thinking about it I think that attracts me to him more as would I really want to be with a man who would leave another women when in need and suffering
OP posts:
Namenic · 21/11/2021 08:13

I’d still get him to wear a condom. Just take things slow, no pressure. You don’t even have to go the whole way - just do what feels good to both of you and talk to him and have fun.

Sprostongreen21 · 21/11/2021 08:21

My fella wasn’t a virgin but lived with his mum ( and dad) He has a lovely relationship with her, he is a bit spoiled as was the baby but nothing ridiculous. We live together and he is a great partner. And because he lived at home he had savings and we’ve a great mortgage because of that. I had moved out at 20. I could of ran but I’d have missed out on an amazing 11 years.

People are quick not to give people chances for different lifestyle choices. Would a serial shagger be a better prospect? To me I’d be concerned about commitment issues and stds! A previous married man, potential ex wife and childcare issues?

@Sunnycat good men are hard to find, go with your gut. Relationships come and go anyway for various reasons but don’t right him off just for that.

Tabbacus · 21/11/2021 08:28

What do you mean by mummy's boy? If you mean he lives at home, loves his mum and enjoys spending time with her that's great, but if you mean it in the sense of you'll always come second to her, he will expect you to take on a mother type role if things get serious then that would put me off rather than being a virgin! I agree with others though to proceed as you would any other sexual partner re: condoms.

showmethegin · 21/11/2021 08:39

When you say care for do you mean that she has disabilities/illnesses for which she needs additional care? If so then it is very noble of him to do that but if not I really would be concerned.

I do think it is odd to get to that age and not want to gain some independence. I would also worry that he would be used to being mothered and would expect me to fulfil that role domestically if we lived together. I would also worry that I would forever come second (have been in a relationship before like this, would not wish to repeat!)

Riverlee · 21/11/2021 08:45

I can see how it happens. You never the right person, or not a one-night stand type of person, or just painfully shy.

In this day and age, it’s not that unusual for people to still be living at home either. However, is an independent person living at home, or is he still ‘a son’. Ie. Does his mother do everything for him?

IncompleteSenten · 21/11/2021 08:46

I'd want to know how much cooking, cleaning, ironing etc he does.
Is his relationship with his mum healthy or codependent - or Jocasta complex!

THisbackwithavengeance · 21/11/2021 09:58

If you like him and he likes you, just see how it goes.

He may well be a weird, porn addicted mummy's boy whose mum is looking to see off any contender to her position in which case you bin him off.

He may also be a really nice, shy chap who isn't a shagger or a player and treats the women in his life well. Maybe his mum will be really pleased that he has finally found a decent woman and will be happy to see him coupled up?

Just a thought!

Original poster
Sunnycat · 21/11/2021 12:49

@Tabbacus

What do you mean by mummy's boy? If you mean he lives at home, loves his mum and enjoys spending time with her that's great, but if you mean it in the sense of you'll always come second to her, he will expect you to take on a mother type role if things get serious then that would put me off rather than being a virgin! I agree with others though to proceed as you would any other sexual partner re: condoms.
Not Really sure yet but think he is serious about a relationship as he is looking to settle down with children and all. I think she does a lot for him and it gives her a purpose, but he is good around the house and even does housework for me!
OP posts:
showmethegin · 21/11/2021 14:01

That's what I mean OP, if she does a lot for him then he's not caring for her?

  1. Man in 30s lives with mother as she needs care and he provides it rather than getting carers in - fine, noble, but potentially could cause issues if your relationship progresses to moving in together
  2. Man in 30s lived with mother as he has never felt inclined to move out - worrying and would make me wonder why on Earth he didn't want his own space, independence. Would worry he wasn't motivated/ambitious.
sleepyhoglet · 21/11/2021 15:29

This wouldn't put me off. Actually having multiple partners would. See how things go and tell him it doesn't bother you as he was probably quite anxious having to admit that

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/11/2021 16:25

I think she does a lot for him and it gives her a purpose

Hmmm - and what "purpose" ould she make for herself if this worked out and he left to live with you?
Most normal mums encourage their DCs to move on to an independent lives rather than seeing them as something to give themselves "purpose". She could be lovely of course, but you could also be entering quite a tussle here

What with that and the virginity I might be inclined to throw this one back - or at least to enjoy it while it lasts and not expect much

Original poster
Sunnycat · 21/11/2021 19:50

@Puzzledandpissedoff

I think she does a lot for him and it gives her a purpose

Hmmm - and what "purpose" ould she make for herself if this worked out and he left to live with you?
Most normal mums encourage their DCs to move on to an independent lives rather than seeing them as something to give themselves "purpose". She could be lovely of course, but you could also be entering quite a tussle here

What with that and the virginity I might be inclined to throw this one back - or at least to enjoy it while it lasts and not expect much

That does worry me, he is the youngest do I suppose he is the blue eyed boy. Think she has fits of depression and doesn't work. We have been texting all day and think things may be getting hot and heavy tonight, that's if I let him!
OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/11/2021 20:40

he is the youngest do I suppose he is the blue eyed boy

It gets worse doesn't it? Hmm

As I said, enjoy yourself but personally I wouldn't invest too much in this. He's not the only male in the world, and there are problems enough without getting heavily involved with someone with quite so many issues

Original poster
Sunnycat · 21/11/2021 22:43

So our virgin is no longer Blushhe came around to mine and one thing laid to another and before I knew it i was on top of him!! After a bit of foreplay we did the deed, with me taking the lead. It's wasn't the best sex I have ever had and was over within minutes but it was nice.

OP posts:
superstar84 · 21/11/2021 22:59

Was it awkward after?

I think you should be careful but it could be a great relationship if you can be patient as like others have said he doesn't have experience of being in a relationship

StarlightLady · 21/11/2021 23:47

OP: 🍾. 💥. It wasn't’ that difficult was it? Now let’s hope others read the thread in full properly before providing out of date contributions.

Now the real training can begin. Someone will probably tell me l shouldn’t make comments like that, but it’s true!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/11/2021 00:42

The whole 'training' language is icky, I must say. I think it would be better to focus on the idea that you're going to be part of someone discovering their sexuality and new ways of pleasuring themselves and someone else in a fun, playful and exciting way. Not seeing them as a sort of identikit dick / mouth / hands to dictate to, if that makes sense? A mutual experience that should be fun and enjoyable for both people Smile

Animood · 22/11/2021 06:54

@StarlightLady

OP: 🍾. 💥. It wasn't’ that difficult was it? Now let’s hope others read the thread in full properly before providing out of date contributions.

Now the real training can begin. Someone will probably tell me l shouldn’t make comments like that, but it’s true!

"Training"

Omfg it's too early to feel that grim.

Joystir59 · 22/11/2021 07:08

I've got the ick myself.

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