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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New partner's surprise

177 replies

Sunnycat · 19/11/2021 23:21

I have met this lovely guy off tinder and things have been going really well. Only problem is he's just told me he's a virgin!! He's 32 and real shy and he's says that he's never been in a position to do the deed. I'm 28 how do I approch this or do I just run now??

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 22/11/2021 07:38

I think those who criticised my use of the word training are misinterpreting a light hearted comment that had a serious edge.

In all things in life, training benefits both parties. It’s not just a one sided thing. And that includes passionate quality sex.

Sunnycat · 22/11/2021 08:37

@superstar84

Was it awkward after?

I think you should be careful but it could be a great relationship if you can be patient as like others have said he doesn't have experience of being in a relationship

A bit awkward but it was the first time he had seen me naked so think it's normal and he was really nervous
OP posts:
Sunnycat · 22/11/2021 08:42

@StarlightLady

OP: 🍾. 💥. It wasn't’ that difficult was it? Now let’s hope others read the thread in full properly before providing out of date contributions.

Now the real training can begin. Someone will probably tell me l shouldn’t make comments like that, but it’s true!

I'm not sure if training is the right word but I sort of agree, the first time never was going to be amazing,like expecting some on their first driving lesson to be of f1 standard. He was eager to please me and was asking how it was and no thinking he knew all
OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 22/11/2021 08:43

@floppybit

Please don't run just because he's a virgin! It was really brave of him to confess and not just pretend, so if he's a nice guy please give him a chance!
This
Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/11/2021 10:03

he came around to mine and one thing laid to another ...

I guess that's one of the better MN typos Grin

Glad it went okay, OP, but don't lose sight of the rest; most other men are capable of DTD too, but they don't all have the same baggage

Honeymint · 22/11/2021 10:21

@Sunnycat Good on you, OP!
I wish you guys a great relationship!
I’m sure he’ll be eager to improve his skills over time, especially if you give him a few pointers Wink

6demandingchildren · 22/11/2021 11:39

All new partners need training wether they are virgins or not, how do we get them to know what we like or what they like if you don't experiment and train.
And I think he sounds lovely as my boys are all mummy's boys and know how to treat their partners x

FabulousMrFifty · 22/11/2021 11:58

“Training”, sounds like you referring to a puppy dog that needs to taught to go outside to the toilet.

StarlightLady · 22/11/2021 13:24

Indeed it can all be very similar. Aside from which, would you travel on an aircraft with an untrained captain or go through a medical procedure from somebody inexperienced?

UnLunDun · 22/11/2021 13:24

My DH was a virgin till 29. He didn’t have more than a couple of six month relationships before meeting me when he was 39. He’s an amazing partner, lover, friend and father to our children, and though other women seemed to not think him a catch he is a gentle, wonderful, committed man. Why not try, good luck!

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 22/11/2021 14:22

'Training' is getting someone to do what you want, he is a person in his own right, he doesn't need to be 'trained' he needs experience and to be part of an equal partnership who share their likes and dislikes with each other.

If a woman with no sexual experience came on here would you suggest that she needs to be 'trained' to please her partner?

I agree with those saying the thread is pretty awful.

Who posts a message, has a date of sorts and has sex then posts about it in detail 3 hours later? 🤢

Sunnycat · 22/11/2021 18:00

ABCeasyasdohrayme *
"Who posts a message, has a date of sorts and has sex then posts about it in detail 3 hours later? 🤢"

Sorry if you feel like that. I don't think I when into that much detail and I was just letting people know , who have taken the time to offer advice or have followed the feed.

OP posts:
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 22/11/2021 18:15

I don't think people need to know the very minute you had sex.

In less than 3 hours he had come over you had dtd, he had left and you had posted about it all proud that he's no longer a virgin. Not very respectful tbh.

I could imagine the thread if you were a guy posting about the not very good sex he just had, but never mind, she's not a virgin anymore, all proud of himself. You would be absolutely shredded on here. Rightly so.

Sunnycat · 22/11/2021 19:08

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

I don't think people need to know the very minute you had sex.

In less than 3 hours he had come over you had dtd, he had left and you had posted about it all proud that he's no longer a virgin. Not very respectful tbh.

I could imagine the thread if you were a guy posting about the not very good sex he just had, but never mind, she's not a virgin anymore, all proud of himself. You would be absolutely shredded on here. Rightly so.

That's fair enough, sorry that it sounded like that, I suppose I just wanted to share my experience
OP posts:
Weesue86 · 23/11/2021 17:00

@ABCeasyasdohrayme
Take it been a while since you got any thenWinkGrin
@Sunnycat
Go for it girl, he sounds like a catch, would love to be in your position!! Just be honest with him with what works for you. Has there been a repeat performance??

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 23/11/2021 17:07

Take it been a while since you got any then

You'll never know since I'm not a teenager gossiping about someone losing their virginity, or talking about a human being like a set of body parts to be trained Wink

Sunnycat · 23/11/2021 19:19

@Sunnycat
"Go for it girl, he sounds like a catch, would love to be in your position!! Just be honest with him with what works for you. Has there been a repeat performance??"

I'm near afraid to answer that now!

seen him last night but no funny business but seeing him at the weekend again so we will see!

OP posts:
Weesue86 · 24/11/2021 16:17

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

Take it been a while since you got any then

You'll never know since I'm not a teenager gossiping about someone losing their virginity, or talking about a human being like a set of body parts to be trained Wink

I take that as a yes thenGrin @Sunnycat So glad for you (and himBlush)
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 24/11/2021 16:21

I take that as a yes then

Bit odd that you're so obsessed with my sex life Hmm

Weesue86 · 29/11/2021 18:06

[quote Sunnycat]@Sunnycat
"Go for it girl, he sounds like a catch, would love to be in your position!! Just be honest with him with what works for you. Has there been a repeat performance??"

I'm near afraid to answer that now!

seen him last night but no funny business but seeing him at the weekend again so we will see![/quote]
Any more action for you two?

Sunnycat · 30/11/2021 22:15

@Weesue86
Yea been a few more 'coming togethers' he's not getting much better and is looking it all the timeShock think might need to give him the cold shoulder and see if he takes the hint

OP posts:
Monalotmoore · 30/11/2021 22:25

So he's pretty naff in bed then? Oh dear....

Sunnycat · 01/12/2021 20:52

Yea he thinks he can just slap it in and that's it!!

OP posts:
TheMirrorReflects · 01/12/2021 22:08

If he thinks he can just slap it in and that's it then it's time to have an honest chat. Tell him what you want/like/expectations. If he shapes up - all well and good, if he doesn't ........ well, you know what to do.

StarlightLady · 02/12/2021 05:47

And l was criticised for daring to use the term “training”. Just saying. 🤔