Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

LOL @BelladiMamma still 100% witty despite COVID!

(Now go lie down like a Victorian lady, in a white cotton nightdress, and "languish" artfully!)

(I'm personally channelling more of a Waynetta Slob "snotty grotty" ill person with tissues galore wearing baggy warm old clothes and sitting in chaos).

@BelladiMamma

And before I conk out for the night, I was thinking that along with the rules we should do the 5 stages of dating ... you know kind of Level 1 total mouse on the apps Level 2 sweet shop mentality Level 3 early stages of jaded Level 4 let's give it another go then Level 5 rhinoceros hide

There should be one for given up completely after having enough of the potatoes.🤣

@Isitreallyme177

Very nice! I sometimes feel for myself its a bit extravagant buying posh food to eat in, but also given that I don't really do meals or nights out much it seems Ok? Like if I get a few nice bits from M and S for the weekend, but apart from that am in, its cheap enough...

@Isitreallyme177
Level 10 potato mashed

@SpringlikeBunk they're £2 each at the moment. Every so often I get something from the farm shop, they do lovely sausages or I buy a nice steak as a treat. My social life has disappeared this month.

@BelladiMamma I'm level 10 then.

Evening.... Mr34 drink called me again last night after almost a week of not talking... texts this morning too bit of sexting (I like his sexting tbf) nothing all day' so can't take him seriously at all! I had a lot of angst last week but feel more meh now 🤷‍♀️

Another guy sounds good but is hard to pin down to a date which is annoying as I don't like to message too long without meeting!

Otherwise it's really quiet 🙄 joined the gym again so going to start that again give me something to do! If I didn't look like a sweaty elephant in the gym I'd be keeping my eyes perfect there 👍

Level 11 when I’m caught up in The Swiper Thumb and not even trying to screen....

@BelladiMamma you have COVID! Uh oh! I have to test when i'm in the office and have never tested positive probably jinx myself now but not even had THE cold yet... but plenty of time still!.
@Isitreallyme177 can you still buy cadburys chocolate cakes in a tin you boil to cook?

I ended up meeting up with someone I matched on one of the apps yesterday. We hung out for 5 hours. He is sweet. Will see what happens. Mr 3rd time has ghosted so really nothing on the horizon at all

@BelladiMamma snap, positive lft after getting suspicious of the wheezy chest. Glad to hear you've had some quality time with friends though, I spent the day with my besties and feel much brighter for it. Hope I haven't given them Covid though!
@SpringlikeBunk I do the same with a couple of m&s treats occasionally. Super frugal shopper 90% of the time but if I know I'm not out socialising it's a nice, relatively inexpensive, way to mark the weekend.

@SpringlikeBunk

Level 11 when I’m caught up in The Swiper Thumb and not even trying to screen....

Level 11 trigger swiping

[quote Heartbeats0708]@BelladiMamma snap, positive lft after getting suspicious of the wheezy chest. Glad to hear you've had some quality time with friends though, I spent the day with my besties and feel much brighter for it. Hope I haven't given them Covid though!
@SpringlikeBunk I do the same with a couple of m&s treats occasionally. Super frugal shopper 90% of the time but if I know I'm not out socialising it's a nice, relatively inexpensive, way to mark the weekend.[/quote]
No! Was that today as well?! Were you in north London all day too 😁

@BelladiMamma

Level 12 - GETTING REJECTED BY MATCHES YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALLY WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE

Level 13 - reflection, self-flagellation, back to Zen like state.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Level 12 - GETTING REJECTED BY MATCHES YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALLY WANT IN THE FIRST PLACE

Level 13 - reflection, self-flagellation, back to Zen like state.[/quote]
What I love about this is that we've left out levels 6-9

Level 6 first flake, take 6 month break from the apps
Level 7 shag fest to get over flake
Level 8 guilt and remorse make you choose one match
Level 9 you get to 3 months with that match. Get ghosted after mini break. Return to Go, do not pass through tinder or bumble

What are the potato references all about?

These levels are making me LOL
I remember level 7 😂
Yes it was today, I didn't think to test because the cough has only just come about but the head cold has been present at least a week. Really hope I haven't infected anybody!
@FabulousMrFifty potato reference is when the apps seem to throw at you a lot of men that look the same, and generally a bit like a potato/Phil Mitchell type, iirc. See also "level Dean"..

@Naimee87 I've never heard of them what have I missed? Cadbury chocolate cakes in a tin. (Goes off to search Google).

@FabulousMrFifty I think it was on an old thread someone mentioned all the 'potatoes' .

Woohoo I have a date in the diary for lunch. Completely non romantic date with one of my best friends, he is happily married. My social life isn't quite so non-existent

@Isitreallyme177 enjoy! Me and my friends are going out for 'family dinner' tomorrow, love 'em

@BelladiMamma aargh so sorry to hear you have Covid! Hope you fight it off soon. Your stages made me smile. I think I’m at level 3 jaded, and I only started dating in September!

Things are mostly going well with Mr Beard, we have lots of nice sex, we have similar interests, go for walks in pretty places, eat tasty food, he seems kind and thoughtful. He told me today that he’s not seeing anyone else and he’s going to delete the apps he has as he wants to see how it goes. Can’t shake the feeling that he’ll get bored eventually, but trying to enjoy it for what is for now.

Sounds good @Stayingstrongish - I guess you're also using the time to check if the set-up works for you as well at this stage, or if you have any issues with him, it's not all the man doing the choosing.

Being off the apps for the winter/Xmas period and having someone to "stay in" with and eat well sounds cosy and good .

@Isitreallyme177

If it's a quiet month socially, might it be worth going on the apps and just meeting people in a "desexed" way if you have time?

Not only swiping on those you find "very attractive physically", broadening out a bit.

Say in your profile you're looking to meet new people to go for coffee with, go for polite respectful ones only and see who comes up in cuffing season?

There should be a completely different lot of faces to those over the summer, and it's not shit lockdown dates only.

I'm not sure what the vibe at your gym is but my experience is a lot of guys at gyms are there to work out only

(not to socialise with new people or meet women, unless the guys are creepy lechy types you wouldn't want anyway!)

So it might take a while and/or you might not get anything substantial.

Apps are hell, but also you do (kind of) know the people on there are "technically open to meeting new people to do social stuff with"?

Just got dates clearer in my head and it's later in the year than I think!

So if MrHedgehog is even "slightly" delayed from returning next week, or if lockdowns become more serious in Europe, I expect it won't then really be worth him coming to the UK and possibly missing out on a family Xmas at home in Germany. Or "coming back just to go away again".

So no rush, but I guess if there's any delay from next week I might follow my advice given above and consider meeting others....I'll communicate to him 100% enthusiasm of course so it's not a rejection.

I'd forgotten about Level Dean! 😅😅

Sorry you've got the Covid, Bella and heartbeats - hope you get over it quickly.

I've just had a fabulous, Prosecco-fuelled, catch up with friends, which reminds me how much more important friends are than irons. I would still like to have a man in my life though. Really should go back on the apps. Just enjoying a swipeless life for now I suppose...