Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks @BelladiMamma I just want to be sure I wasn't just a stop gap or filler until he got a better offer and he actually values the friendship. I'm feeling really insecure at the moment and just need him to give me some sort confirmation.

I'm sorry you're still feeling shit about MrA. Emotions are such difficult things sometimes. ❤

Isitreally if I felt a connection with someone the way you do with Mr Cricket I could not be friends. Every time he mentioned her, maybe with a happy smile on his face, if he asked for your advice on buying her a present or taking her out, it would be painful, wouldn't it? You'd keep hoping it would go wrong and then he'd see that he should be with you. Imagine if it did go wrong with her, he spent more time with you because he'd have more time, and then he'd throw the same bomb shell again, but with a different woman. You will always want more. And it's not that difficult for a hot pilot to get a date - do you want to be his perpetual wingman? I would be an absolute mess if I tried that. But you are not me, and only you know if you've got the emotional resilience to deal with that sort of setup. Which may distract you from meeting someone else also...

@SpringlikeBunk

@BelladiMamma
@dancemom

This is why I don’t push for dates it’s much more fun staying in (with a recalcitrant jar of honey ) chatting on this thread!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Congratulations! What’s the next step now?

At one point I was going to join in with my jar of pasta sauce but thought better of it. I didn't want to steer the thread into murky waters 😁

BeardFlake has suggested a date. Shall I run a book on the likelihood if this actually happens. I am fairly rubbish at calculating probabilities but let's just say I think it's more likely not to happen, so that's where I'm putting my money. Anyone fancy bidding against? That way it's a win win for me as I can win my bet or finally have a hot meet up with my favourite flake which will be it's own reward.

I'm so running an index for my dating life now. What could the proxy be, given that no betting platform is actually going to run this for me. Snow in April in London? Prince Harry coming out?

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Isitreally if I felt a connection with someone the way you do with Mr Cricket I could not be friends. Every time he mentioned her, maybe with a happy smile on his face, if he asked for your advice on buying her a present or taking her out, it would be painful, wouldn't it? You'd keep hoping it would go wrong and then he'd see that he should be with you. Imagine if it did go wrong with her, he spent more time with you because he'd have more time, and then he'd throw the same bomb shell again, but with a different woman. You will always want more. And it's not that difficult for a hot pilot to get a date - do you want to be his perpetual wingman? I would be an absolute mess if I tried that. But you are not me, and only you know if you've got the emotional resilience to deal with that sort of setup. Which may distract you from meeting someone else also...

^^

What she said

@Isitreallyme177

Thanks *@BelladiMamma* I just want to be sure I wasn't just a stop gap or filler until he got a better offer and he actually values the friendship. I'm feeling really insecure at the moment and just need him to give me some sort confirmation.

I'm sorry you're still feeling shit about MrA. Emotions are such difficult things sometimes. ❤

I'm not feeling shit, I'm just running through the usual gamut of emotions. Building castles in the air, imagining sweet reconciliation, growing old together or just having a romantic weekend away. Anything really to hold onto him as I let go of him.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Isitreally if I felt a connection with someone the way you do with Mr Cricket I could not be friends. Every time he mentioned her, maybe with a happy smile on his face, if he asked for your advice on buying her a present or taking her out, it would be painful, wouldn't it? You'd keep hoping it would go wrong and then he'd see that he should be with you. Imagine if it did go wrong with her, he spent more time with you because he'd have more time, and then he'd throw the same bomb shell again, but with a different woman. You will always want more. And it's not that difficult for a hot pilot to get a date - do you want to be his perpetual wingman? I would be an absolute mess if I tried that. But you are not me, and only you know if you've got the emotional resilience to deal with that sort of setup. Which may distract you from meeting someone else also...

@WeWantTheFinestWines I don't know if I can do it or not. I'm all over the place and it changes hourly. I've got at least 5 days(he was very specific about being around in 7 days to go for coffee) to get my head in some kind of place where I know what I want or what I can cope with.

Thank you❤

@Isitreallyme177 you'll end up being the fall back woman. He doesn't see you as anything romantic. You'll get hurt. He's still taking up all your thoughts even though he's away snagging the mystery woman.

I'm feeling slightly ropey after a fair few beers last night but got to keep active to combat the hangover, lying around makes me feel so much worse! Off to do some shopping and thinking...
@BelladiMamma
I couldn't handle two magnet-man's but oh boy do i hope beard-flake comes through for you! Honestly in this day and age anything can happen! Do you live close to each other?
@Isitreallyme177 go with your gut here! Whatever it is you want to do won't go away unless you do it. I think staying friends would be really hard... no need to rush into any decision either a week is a long time and you may be far less emotional when he'd back...
@SpringlikeBunk glad you got the jar open i always feel like a sexy-lady hulk when i've succeeded! 💪🏻

@Isitreallyme177 it's still fairly fresh, take the 5 days and decide then if you want to see him and/or how it will pan out.
@BelladiMamma also feeling all of the emotions today and it's good advice to just roll with them. I'm swaying from being fine and quite upbeat to wallowing and feeling worthless, none of which is to do with Mr D and I can't discuss it with him either. Today has been a long day.

@BelladiMamma

In other news the bastard mice 🐁 have got into my cereal cupboard and my porridge was full of MDF cut offs from their nibbling through the bloody unit. Have asked my local handyman to put a vent over the entrance points

I feel your pain, bloody mice have been nesting in my shed, time to break out the traps.

@Eesha I won't be the fallback girl, if I've misread things then it's down to me. If I've let my feelings gallop off ahead then that's on me too. Depending on how it pans out if/when I see him, of course I'll be there as a friend to pick him up when he's down, tell him he's a dick when he is one, tell him he's great when he is. I'd do that to all my friends.

@Naimee87 and @Heartbeats0708 yes I think right now it is still processing but I'm calmer than I thought I would be, jeez I cried for weeks over Computer Geek that actually felt harder than this (apparently that's because there was sex involved). Maybe I got carried away with the idea of 'it' more than Mr Cricket himself.

@FabulousMrFifty get a cat🐈

@Isitreallyme177 I guess he's always made it clear that it was friendship but do you think it will stop you looking for anyone else?

@Eesha no I don't think so, it's not like I've not been looking. I've always had an eye out but I've not found anyone I like (other than the stag do guy at IoW festival). I'm going to have to start venturing into the gym in the evenings so maybe I'll find someone there. On the whole I'm pretty okay with it, but I'm getting the occasional pang of sadness then I just pull myself out of it.

@Isitreallyme177 sorry, don’t really like cats, much more of a dog person, but no really suitable with lifestyle right now

Forgotten how much I like bread and butter pudding as a winter dessert.

Been on eBay getting some "slightly cute but not too sexy" clothes. I'm going all minimalist like Belladi with lots of sophisticated black!

(Ok I still am a socially awkward twat but at least until I open my mouth I'll look sophisticated ).

This cold/"cough but it's not COVID" thing means no gym and more home rest, jealous of everyone getting out there and working out and feeling the Xmas vibe in the shops!

I've got a friend visiting next week which will be great, and then after that will see if MrHedgehog is back, if we can meet, and assess the situation going forward. Ie if he wants to go home for Xmas that's another few weeks away?

So I'll have a few weeks to see how it all pans out.

@SpringlikeBunk glad I've provided some inspiration 🤩 although you seem to have provided the description of the awful asthma inducing cold that I have today 🤣. I think I'll need a couple of days rest. Definitely not going out again for a while.
@Heartbeats0708 the emotions have been in check today. I've spent it with friends and it's been really positive. I didn't feel the need to tell everyone about him or discuss my love life. It was great. It's 2 sets of friends I've know for years who also know each other separately from their relationship to me. All rather funny and warmth inducing.
@Naimee87 BeardFlake lives 100 miles away but comes to my work city once every couple of weeks. It's sizzling between us but he's definitely used me as an excuse not to meet anyone else... let's see. I think he likes me as his pretend love interest / fallback girl

Well I've just discovered the nicest pudding. Gingerbread and butterscotch pudding from Tesco Christmas range. Apparently it serves 2, tonight it served 1.😬😆 I feel slightly sick now🤦‍♀️

.... and I've just tested positive for Covid

Was feeling a little suspicious of this cold and why it had triggered an asthma attack

🤦🏻‍♀️

Awww shit @BelladiMamma

Hope you're Ok, rest up and do nowt!

@BelladiMamma

.... and I've just tested positive for Covid

Was feeling a little suspicious of this cold and why it had triggered an asthma attack

🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh no @BelladiMamma, hope you feel better soon! Was it LFT or PCR?

@Isitreallyme177 thanks for the recommendation - that sounds amazing

LFT, PCR booked tomorrow

Just felt so strange round at my friend's house, mini asthma attack, sore throat, but dizzy ... LFT positive. Let's see what the PCR test says tomorrow. It's still going round schools and some siblings of my DD's friends have it at the moment. Plus some neighbours 😞

And before I conk out for the night, I was thinking that along with the rules we should do the 5 stages of dating ... you know kind of
Level 1 total mouse on the apps
Level 2 sweet shop mentality
Level 3 early stages of jaded
Level 4 let's give it another go then
Level 5 rhinoceros hide

@PurpleStripyScarf they also do a melt in the middle chocolate one. 😋