Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

It does take a lot for me to fancy a man, as well. ❤️

Joining @Isitreallyme177 wishing I hadn't read about the new restrictions. This could seriously scupper my trip with the DC to see my DF. They haven't seen their grandpa in nearly 2 years 😢

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@InABetterPlaceNow thank you. I know what you're trying to say.

I am wary of meeting men IRL, because I suffer from CP as well as chronic pain. Also I have anxiety and depression which makes it worse. I met my ex boyfriend online, and met him IRL quickly, and he ended up making me feel like the worst person in the world. I don't want that to happen again.

Me and Mr Gambit did talk about meeting, but I don't think he was ready for it at the time. ❤️

[/quote]
Yup, I get this. It feels like you're a little like me, needing to build an emotional connection first? While OLD etc can feel like it moves so fast.

I don't have an answer. I know I found counselling really helpful. The book "Attached" is really good too if you're a reader to understand where your triggers are in relationships and how to weed out people who might end up hurting you.

I'd say keep working on yourself (I know that's rather boring advice). Honestly, all we have is ourselves and there's ways to keep connections which we all need outside of romantic relationships (like here for instance!). Keep building networks wherever you can. Take small leaps of faith, whatever feels comfortable and you know won't hurt too badly if it doesn't work out how you'd like.

I'm not sure if any of that is helpful but I very much know what you're talking about and am only recently in a small way coming out of it. I might be back there soon enough and licking my wounds!

@InABetterPlaceNow
When I first got together with Ms YM1 her birthday was coming up and I did buy her something

Has he mentioned anything in conversation which you can work off for ideas

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@InABetterPlaceNow
If he likes beer, there is real resurgence in craft breweries.
I got the 4 beers above for 6quid in Tesco[/quote]
Thank you!

When I was in a similar position a few years ago, I bought a 4 pack of doombar and stuff to buy ramen (as I'd mentioned cooking a brilliant one and he'd wanted to try it).

However, I binned him before I cooked him the ramen as I realised he was a douche

Mr Tux seems to drink Strongbow Fruits... though I have seen on FB about some mead he was once bought... I'll look up to see prices on that 😅 I imagine it's pricey...

Thank you @BelladiMamma and @StartingAgain6369! I do have some ideas from what we've talked about so far... I think I wanted to check first it wouldn't be a weird thing to do.

And if I can't come up with anything, a card and note sounds good!!

Vintage cider
www.johnlewis.com/cottage-delight-traditional-craft-cider-3x-500ml/p5099040?sku=238907155&s_ppc=2dx92700056637533338&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=Cj0KCQiAy4eNBhCaARIsAFDVtI3HQdmxf6A5yTzbpkDLSeWrIK6kTbRCl-o8HD_jw3ofOBu4vBkO470aAjZsEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

@Eesha

Naming your iron.........
Mr Driver
Mr 3hrs
Mr Tonsil Hockey will allow Mr TH

Actually, I know what I'll buy him

As he often stays up to play his hobby I'll do a little "survival kit" - energy drinks, snacks etc.

Thanks all!!

@InABetterPlaceNow thank you. The doctor has given me a mental health number to ring and I'm being referred for counselling.

I do like establishing a emotional connection at first. I also think it's easier to talk online. Mainly because they can't reject me in person ❤️

[quote FabulousMrFifty]Vintage cider
www.johnlewis.com/cottage-delight-traditional-craft-cider-3x-500ml/p5099040?sku=238907155&s_ppc=2dx92700056637533338&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=Cj0KCQiAy4eNBhCaARIsAFDVtI3HQdmxf6A5yTzbpkDLSeWrIK6kTbRCl-o8HD_jw3ofOBu4vBkO470aAjZsEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds[/quote]
Oooh that looks good!

I might sneak a single can of strongbow dark fruits in to help him sleep after his session

@BelladiMamma my younger brother is supposed to be coming back from the UAE for Christmas but he only has 5 days, if he has to do a pcr test on day 2 and then wait for the results before he can come out of self isolation that's Christmas out. My Mum will be so upset if he doesn't come back for Christmas after all(we kept it a secret from her until a couple of weeks ago) as she won't see him until next Easter most probably.

@Isitreallyme177

I messaged Mr Cricket earlier to tell him what days I'm free for this catch up, he read straight away but hasn't replied. We shall see what happens now.

I'm also now wishing I hadn't decided to watch Boris I am now thoroughly depressed. Why won't he stop the bloody flights instead of bringing in restrictions here. What's the point if people can come and go from where ever they bloody well like.

Also depressed. Makes my get away from my exile more tricky, and a bit at risk of anything else changes. Plus MrWG now has Covid.

Heating not working here either. I'm a bit fed up (though I went to an amazing gig last night!).

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@InABetterPlaceNow thank you. The doctor has given me a mental health number to ring and I'm being referred for counselling.

I do like establishing a emotional connection at first. I also think it's easier to talk online. Mainly because they can't reject me in person ❤️[/quote]
Absolutely follow that up. Having someone "for you" that you can talk things through and figure out your own thoughts is invaluable.

I totally understand the preference to meet (and keep) people online. It's much safer when you're feeling vulnerable. I also think it means you bring much more of your own thoughts into the situation if that makes sense?

Don't rush yourself. Take some time for you to work through what you want and need and keep making connections as they come up. Getting different perspectives can be really helpful.

@VanGoghsDog

Have you got some other forms of heating and are you going to post a gig review!

[quote StartingAgain6369]@VanGoghsDog

Have you got some other forms of heating and are you going to post a gig review![/quote]
There's a log fire, but it's hard to keep going as it has a very strong draw and the logs are extremely dry so it burns through about twenty a day.
I found an electric radiator in the out building, and I bought a convector heater from B&Q today.

This house sitting has cost me a fortune. The gig I would have driven from home and back after, it was a four hour drive from here, so I had to stay over which was a hundred pounds, and parking was forty, plus food, drinks, extra fuel etc and gifts for the people who house sat in my place for the night, and now a heater!

Gig: www.birminghammail.co.uk/whats-on/music-nightlife-news/james-utilita-arena-birmingham-a-22282434?fbclid=IwAR1soY7BWTZSHMGvQ_g_mwYseLveYYlPqRVlBGNC9LKcGdFxJnv9paNE_Iw

@VanGoghsDog get a heated fleece blanket! They are the BEST! Doesn't matter how cold the rest of the house is and feels like absolute heaven.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma my younger brother is supposed to be coming back from the UAE for Christmas but he only has 5 days, if he has to do a pcr test on day 2 and then wait for the results before he can come out of self isolation that's Christmas out. My Mum will be so upset if he doesn't come back for Christmas after all(we kept it a secret from her until a couple of weeks ago) as she won't see him until next Easter most probably.[/quote]
It's BY day two, not on day two. Also, some of the private ones come back in a few hours.

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@VanGoghsDog get a heated fleece blanket! They are the BEST! Doesn't matter how cold the rest of the house is and feels like absolute heaven.[/quote]
They're so expensive, plus there's literally nowhere to buy anything here, I'm miles from anywhere that might sell that sort of thing. I don't need it at home (and I'm not keen on them, though I can see the benefit if there's no heating!).

@VanGoghsDog aww understood! If you wouldn't use it at home then not worth it. We are all fighting over the one I have here so I'm raving about them 😁 (Amazon deliver them )

@VanGoghsDog

Good gig! Well worth the the trip

I'm not far from Birmingham but can't keep up with the constant rebranding, was that at the NEC or the place in central Brum?

[quote StartingAgain6369]@VanGoghsDog

Good gig! Well worth the the trip

I'm not far from Birmingham but can't keep up with the constant rebranding, was that at the NEC or the place in central Brum?[/quote]
National Indoor Arena. Yes, agree re name changes. Before I went someone asked me if I'd been to the venue before and I said no, I'd never heard of it. But of course I have! 🤦🏻‍♀️

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@VanGoghsDog aww understood! If you wouldn't use it at home then not worth it. We are all fighting over the one I have here so I'm raving about them 😁 (Amazon deliver them )[/quote]
I'm going, in theory, on Thursday and I didn't not have Prime so it wouldn't be worth it now.

At home I have a king size dual control electric blanket I've never used, even during the beast from the East. I should give it away, it takes up a lot of space!

@VanGoghsDog Aww hopefully you can keep warm till then! Jumping jacks?! 🤣

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@VanGoghsDog Aww hopefully you can keep warm till then! Jumping jacks?! 🤣[/quote]
I'll march the dog up and down some hills!