Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Shayelle2009

He's asked if I'm in town and mentioned the xmas markets (which I said about before I went away).

I think I'll sit a bit on replying to the messages - not sure if I 'm just sad because of the weather/illness so don't want to come to any conclusions?

I just think if it is a regular thing him going away then he does need to take responsibility for suggesting calls and things like that? It's not really fair for me to be playing detective working out where he is.

@SpringlikeBunk 100% the fact he has kept contact going says to me you’re on his mind, and he’s asking if you're about and thinking it would be nice to go to a Christmas market together.. I wouldn’t write him off as he sounds really genuine x

@Dancerinthemoonlight so very sorry to hear about the loss of your dog 💔 you will see them again at the Rainbow Bridge 💗💗 x

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

MrHedgehog has just sent a photo of his niece being cute

and emotionally I'm the panda at 0.17 of this clip.

[/quote] That's hilarious I've never seen that before 🤣

@BelladiMamma

when your man is annoying you at a party

I messaged Mr Cricket earlier to tell him what days I'm free for this catch up, he read straight away but hasn't replied. We shall see what happens now.

I'm also now wishing I hadn't decided to watch Boris I am now thoroughly depressed. Why won't he stop the bloody flights instead of bringing in restrictions here. What's the point if people can come and go from where ever they bloody well like.

Just came home from a lovely afternoon with Mr Tux!

I ended up kissing him first After all that worrying... he just puts me at ease and his hugs are utterly comforting.

So food, chats, laughing and kissing. I could get used to this!

@Eesha, sounds like a lovely date and very positive going forward.
@SpringlikeBunk, I think I agree with Shayelle, I think it’s definitely worth seeing Mr Hedgehog as soon as is possible and convenient for both of you and see how it feels. It sounds like you have both had reasons which have kept you apart. It can be difficult when you have a busy schedule to find someone with whom you can sync diaries easily. If this looks like it’s going to be a consistent issue and something that you don’t want to have to factor in all the time then maybe this thing with Mr Hedgehog won’t survive. If I was looking for someone I’d want to be able to see them/talk to them frequently or at least without too many obstacles for meeting up.
@Isitreallyme177, have you unclogged the filter ? Mine completely stopped a few weeks ago and the filter had a tangle of hair wound tightly around it. As for Mr Cricket, no more messages now. If he’s serious about maintaining a friendship then it’s absolutely up to him now to get in touch.

@Onesmallstep67 yep the filter and pump has been completely taken apart and taken out. My washing machine is currently jammed at an angle under the work top.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

when your man is annoying you at a party

[/quote] Oh my god what corner of the internet did you discover these on 🤣

@InABetterPlaceNow

Just came home from a lovely afternoon with Mr Tux!

I ended up kissing him first After all that worrying... he just puts me at ease and his hugs are utterly comforting.

So food, chats, laughing and kissing. I could get used to this!

Awww 🥰 that's lovely 🥰

Thank you @BelladiMamma!

I honestly didn't think I'd ever get a "honeymoon" bit of a relationship. As I'm so conscious of watching out for red flags etc, and so used to the "high excitement" being a sign of being lovebombed etc.

Today was just a feeling of genuine connection and silly things. Like, we both ordered burgers (and they were HUGE!). He said ... just so you know, I eat my burgers weirdly. I start with the top layer and work my way down.

Now, I also eat my burgers weirdly. I pick at them rather than eat them like a normal person. So I had to ask him if it was an ocd type thing and if I would drive him insane eating mine my way to which no, no at all... then spent a long time laughing at me as my burger turned into the leaning Tower of Pisa and I realised he's forever changed how I eat my burgers his way makes so much more sense!!

He also lives only 5 mins from where we met but there was no hint of pressuring me to go to his. While also winding me up to an inch of my life and wanting to jump him in the pub!

Will be another few weeks until I see him again. Sigh. That bit could be our downfall. However, we've already agreed that if this variant becomes serious we will still try to see each other and if not, we'll video call.

I asked him towards the end if he wanted to see me again and he gave the most adorably derpy enthusiastic nod (after giving me a "are you crazy" look).

Ahh this bit is nice!!

Have spoken to the doctor and I'm going to be referred to a pain clinic. Have also got some new antidepressants, so that's good.

I really miss Mr Gambit. He has these times where he withdraws from contact with me. Sometimes I think about us seeing each other, but I don't feel I can see him feeling like this. but I would love to have him just pop up on WhatsApp and just talk to me, even if it's just for a while. When we talk, he makes me feel really special.

The last time we talked was at the beginning of the week, and it was lovely. Ive texted him since, but I don't want to be a nuisance. He does always come back, but every time he goes, I worry that it'll be the last time he'll speak to me.
Pathetic, I know.

Sorry for rambling, I just needed to get these feelings out ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Have spoken to the doctor and I'm going to be referred to a pain clinic. Have also got some new antidepressants, so that's good.

I really miss Mr Gambit. He has these times where he withdraws from contact with me. Sometimes I think about us seeing each other, but I don't feel I can see him feeling like this. but I would love to have him just pop up on WhatsApp and just talk to me, even if it's just for a while. When we talk, he makes me feel really special.

The last time we talked was at the beginning of the week, and it was lovely. Ive texted him since, but I don't want to be a nuisance. He does always come back, but every time he goes, I worry that it'll be the last time he'll speak to me.
Pathetic, I know.

Sorry for rambling, I just needed to get these feelings out ❤️

I'm glad you've got a referral! I hope it will help. I'm also pleased to hear about the antidepressants - just remember to be gentle with yourself the first few weeks as you can feel a bit worse at first. And don't be scared to swap if they haven't helped in a month or so. My newest ones have been life changing (and I've tried a lot!!).

I don't have advice on Mr Gambit, hopefully the more secure of us here do as I feel the same most of the time. I asked Mr Tux outright if I would annoy him texting him randomly in the evening etc. He said of course not and that if he doesn't reply he's just busy but will get back to me when he can, and likes to hear from me. Doesn't make me worry less though!

@InABetterPlaceNow thank you 😊 am suffering with chronic pain at the moment and finding it tough.

Me and Mr Gambit have never met, (for various reasons) but we have known each other for a year. I've fancied him from the moment we started taking, and he made me feel good again after a difficult break up with my ex.

I think I'm just feeling a bit down because of everything going on at the moment. Sometimes you just want someone to just chat to, don't you? ❤️

@InABetterPlaceNow that should be 'talking!' ❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@InABetterPlaceNow thank you 😊 am suffering with chronic pain at the moment and finding it tough.

Me and Mr Gambit have never met, (for various reasons) but we have known each other for a year. I've fancied him from the moment we started taking, and he made me feel good again after a difficult break up with my ex.

I think I'm just feeling a bit down because of everything going on at the moment. Sometimes you just want someone to just chat to, don't you? ❤️[/quote]
While I've been lucky enough never to experience chronic pain, I've always thought it must be utterly wearing. Life can be touch enough without an extra "layer" of stress making things that much hard. I really hope that the pain clinic can find a solution for you as it it will make life so much easier.

Having had my own types of those relationships I will say, with much love, to be mindful of building someone into more than they are without meeting them. Purely from experience. When it's that kind of connection it can become very easy to create a kind of relationship which plays to your best hopes and worst fears because you get minimal feedback so kind of full in the gaps. I've don't it myself for years! So if you connect again, enjoy it, but also keep looking for real life connections as you can never have enough people on your side!

This thread is a bit like a relationship. When you start out you're all excited about sharing your experiences with others who understand you - then after a while you're discussing washing machines and interior design and sharing silly videos 😊

Great to hear about successful dates. Eesha your iron deserves a name, methinks?

@WeWantTheFinestWines

This thread is a bit like a relationship. When you start out you're all excited about sharing your experiences with others who understand you - then after a while you're discussing washing machines and interior design and sharing silly videos 😊

Great to hear about successful dates. Eesha your iron deserves a name, methinks?

Haha this is so true

Though as someone who is now old enough for the highlight of her life to be the hoover that's being delivered in a week, I'm looking forward to someone who I get to do all those things with!!

Can I ask for some advice please?

Mr Tux has his bday coming up. It's in between now and the next time we're likely to see each other, not yet part of his life enough to be involved with the plans that are happening but we've connected I think / hope for this to be ongoing for a while.

I'm stuck as to whether I should get him a small gift for next time we meet? I don't yet have solid ideas on what he would like (and what he already has) and would want to spend less than 10 quid I think (because he might ghost me still ).

It's something I'd like to do, but I don't want it to be weird....

Hi everyone - long time lurker here and OLD veteran of 8 years

I'd love to join in with you all but thread moves so fast!

Currently seeing a guy since March and we are on the same page for almost everything. Never met anyone like him, the sex is great, communication levels spot on.

But - he doesn't meet any of my emotional needs. He does things for me but there is no emotion there at all.

Friends tell me I should meet my own needs, which I do most of the time, but every now and again I get really upset at the lack of warmth and care.

It takes so long to wade through all chumps online and find a connection - am I stupid to give up on a 95% positive situation in search of that elusive 100% for me? At 55 I'm aware time - and the pool of men - is running out.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

This thread is a bit like a relationship. When you start out you're all excited about sharing your experiences with others who understand you - then after a while you're discussing washing machines and interior design and sharing silly videos 😊

Great to hear about successful dates. Eesha your iron deserves a name, methinks?

WORD

@InABetterPlaceNow
If he likes beer, there is real resurgence in craft breweries.
I got the 4 beers above for 6quid in Tesco

@InABetterPlaceNow

Can I ask for some advice please?

Mr Tux has his bday coming up. It's in between now and the next time we're likely to see each other, not yet part of his life enough to be involved with the plans that are happening but we've connected I think / hope for this to be ongoing for a while.

I'm stuck as to whether I should get him a small gift for next time we meet? I don't yet have solid ideas on what he would like (and what he already has) and would want to spend less than 10 quid I think (because he might ghost me still ).

It's something I'd like to do, but I don't want it to be weird....

If you DM me I can let you know what I sent MrA as a good luck present for his new job.

As this is a family forum, I'll spare everyone else 🤣🤣🤣

Being sensible for a moment, is there anything that he mentioned during your conversation, even something silly and mundane like a brand of pasta or toothpaste he likes? Otherwise I'd just get him a very well chosen card and hand write him a cute message.

@InABetterPlaceNow thank you. I know what you're trying to say.

I am wary of meeting men IRL, because I suffer from CP as well as chronic pain. Also I have anxiety and depression which makes it worse. I met my ex boyfriend online, and met him IRL quickly, and he ended up making me feel like the worst person in the world. I don't want that to happen again.

Me and Mr Gambit did talk about meeting, but I don't think he was ready for it at the time. ❤️