Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@FabulousMrFifty that's one better than me I'm still in the dark ages. Although i could technically get Google to send a message for me but I always forget that I can do that.

@Isitreallyme177

Thanks *@Eesha* yes the dreaded friendzone I remember saying at the time I don't need another friend which is a bit untrue as I'm always open to new friends.

@BelladiMamma its easier said than done not giving him rent free head space.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I get that. I get worried that people aren't going to turn up. I've had times where I have got all dressed up and it gets to the time and he hasn't arrived. One time Computer Geek arranged to meet but he got pissed with his mate and messaged me at 8pm saying come see me, er no 1 you're pissed, 2 I can't get a coherent place out of you and 3 I'm in my pyjamas. So I didn't bother getting ready until he messaged to say he had left when I did finally meet him. But he had form for not showing up. Unless they give you a reason to worry I would try not to worry.

I get it 🤞🏽I just hope it eases off a bit for you.

For anyone who needs this today!

@Shayelle2009 yes, we met on Bumble last month so early days still and it could still turn out that we’re incompatible or there’s dodgy things about him that haven’t come up yet!!

I wonder whether he might be used to his own space at this point in his life (early 40s) and looking for a fling rather than a steady girlfriend. Equally I can’t offer commitment in the traditional sense, for example I probably don’t want to move in with anyone while my kids are growing up. So it’s just about going on dates and having a nice time.

@BelladiMamma so true, if someone values us they will make time for us.

@Eesha
No dinner with Ms Sunglasses yet but I've decided to take a step from her and dating in general

I'm under a bit of pressure at work, started a new job 8 weeks ago part time, hours have been increased already, I'm doing a full time job for part time hours then I've got my freelance work which one of my biggest clients have sold out to a corporate and there's a bit to do but I'm not sure if I will be retained

I'm going to concentrate on DD1 & 2, I always feel a bit guilty at Christmas as we are not all still together with mum but the girls know the reason why it all fell apart

Talking of Christmas and there was a mention of gyms a few posts back, recommend me some ladies gym leggings/tights, trendy brand so I can make a start Christmas shopping

@BelladiMamma yes i meant it like that and the comment about women wasn't meant to offend or anything, i hope it didn't. I just cannot imagine what it must be like navigating two dating worlds. Surely you must just need a quiet day, off the apps/whatsapp etc. and be with your family and (wild) dogs? Being online all the time is just exhausting and has the ability to consume us when really life 'happens' offline. It's usually quality over quantity too right? And by spreading yourself so thin no one is getting very much of you which would is a shame. But then again the whole multi-dating and FWB territory is new for me so still got a lot to learn haven't i. And look at me trying to dish out 'advice' when i'm hooked on a chunky trucker, whose just sent a location through for tonight 🧲😂 so wise!

[quote StartingAgain6369]@Eesha
No dinner with Ms Sunglasses yet but I've decided to take a step from her and dating in general

I'm under a bit of pressure at work, started a new job 8 weeks ago part time, hours have been increased already, I'm doing a full time job for part time hours then I've got my freelance work which one of my biggest clients have sold out to a corporate and there's a bit to do but I'm not sure if I will be retained

I'm going to concentrate on DD1 & 2, I always feel a bit guilty at Christmas as we are not all still together with mum but the girls know the reason why it all fell apart

Talking of Christmas and there was a mention of gyms a few posts back, recommend me some ladies gym leggings/tights, trendy brand so I can make a start Christmas shopping[/quote]
I love sweaty Betty, under armour and gym shark. There's also a brand stocked by John Lewis can't remember the name, they do yoga crossover leisure wear

Had a teams video call today with one of the Grads at the place I work, he looked so young, I felt like asking him if his mum knew where he was 😂😂

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma yes i meant it like that and the comment about women wasn't meant to offend or anything, i hope it didn't. I just cannot imagine what it must be like navigating two dating worlds. Surely you must just need a quiet day, off the apps/whatsapp etc. and be with your family and (wild) dogs? Being online all the time is just exhausting and has the ability to consume us when really life 'happens' offline. It's usually quality over quantity too right? And by spreading yourself so thin no one is getting very much of you which would is a shame. But then again the whole multi-dating and FWB territory is new for me so still got a lot to learn haven't i. And look at me trying to dish out 'advice' when i'm hooked on a chunky trucker, whose just sent a location through for tonight 🧲😂 so wise![/quote]
It's essentially the same dating world and I stick to one app.

Yes; the difference is I'm freelance and I don't have a big project on at the moment; I work from home and I'm with family and dogs all the time. Plus this week I'm literally stuck indoors!

I'm fairly free and easy with comms but I will always focus on a very small number eg 2-4 and match their comms levels. If I have got to a stage where someone isn't interesting me anymore or I've learnt something about them that I don't like then I'll let them know I'm finishing the conversation and withdraw.

It's not for everyone I know, and it wouldn't suit me at every point in my life, eg when I was feeling very raw and fragile after my marriage break up. This is a bit more like hitting a singles bar a couple of times a weekend getting a load of peoples phone number 😁

Plus I used to be in sales and I was good at it for a reason. I'm a chatterbox 🤣. The moment I'm not on form and find it a strain, I take a break

@FabulousMrFifty

Had a teams video call today with one of the Grads at the place I work, he looked so young, I felt like asking him if his mum knew where he was 😂😂

I asked my anaesthesist this when giving birth. Wasn't a very clever thing to do just when they're sticking the epidural needle into you

[quote StartingAgain6369]@Eesha
No dinner with Ms Sunglasses yet but I've decided to take a step from her and dating in general

I'm under a bit of pressure at work, started a new job 8 weeks ago part time, hours have been increased already, I'm doing a full time job for part time hours then I've got my freelance work which one of my biggest clients have sold out to a corporate and there's a bit to do but I'm not sure if I will be retained

I'm going to concentrate on DD1 & 2, I always feel a bit guilty at Christmas as we are not all still together with mum but the girls know the reason why it all fell apart

Talking of Christmas and there was a mention of gyms a few posts back, recommend me some ladies gym leggings/tights, trendy brand so I can make a start Christmas shopping[/quote]
@StartingAgain6369 I'm rubbish as I stick with Nike Pro running tights as they don't fall down, haven't lost their elasticity and I wear them every day. They do me as they have a proper waistband. For me it depends what they are being used for as well, there is nothing worse than having leggings falling down whilst you are in the middle of a circuits or boxing class.

@BelladiMamma i suppose as well we've had NO social get togethers for ages have we really. So OLD and OL chats have had to keep us going. And dissapointingly this looks to be set for the forseeable again or at least where i live it does... the world has gone seriously BONKERS. We're back into home-office again, suits me fine but i know there were so many colleagues so happy to be back! Does the certificate rule apply over there, if you aren't vaccinated you don't get into bars, clubs, restaurants, gyms? Does providing a negative test count? How are you feeling at the moment?

@Naimee87
Which bit of Europe are you in as here
England, Scotland, Wales & NI have all got different rules now.

England is all pretty relaxed now, Scotland has COVID passports for some stuff, NI are telling ppl to WFH again

@StartingAgain6369 Try lululemon for leggings, sports wear!

I'm in the 'Swiss' part of Europe if that helps! and we are currently set to 'vote' on keeping the Certificates Policy this coming weekend. Is this not all just nuts? There are 'freedom posters' up and actual propaganda placards (i think thats the right word) stuck to peoples doors and windows here. Germany is on this 2G rule, Austria is in some kind of lock-down again, France is on a similar 2G rule i think as Germany. In Italy apparently you can't get a job without the vaccine. And we border all these countries i could visit France and Germany in a day! The WFH is fine i love my bubble at home! Its just so confusing if you happened to get lost and find yourself at a border unable to turn around what do you do? (I gather this post is rather outing as i am not a Certificate holder)

@BelladiMamma @Isitreallyme177 @Naimee87

Thank you, I'll start to have a look online tonight

www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.0924722002.html?hier_id=go_cmp-12828082235_adg-121943362256_ad-517954073675_pla-308498773820_dev-m_ext-_prd-en-0924722002002_sig-EAIaIQobChMIiKiLuLex9AIVCed3Ch3fCQfBEAQYASABEgLb8_D_BwE&utm_source=Google&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIiKiLuLex9AIVCed3Ch3fCQfBEAQYASABEgLb8_D_BwE

@StartingAgain6369

Complete gamechanging leggings!

@Eesha what is the waistband like? I really struggle with waistbands on leggings so I need something with a proper elastic band.

@Isitreallyme177 I bought them off the back of the Style and Beauty recs here, always keep their shape. Check out the reviews, 5k plus. I wear them out actually.

@Isitreallyme177 this may sound weird and i'm not sure if i'm talking about the same kind of leggings because these are more for around the house than sport. But H&M do maternity ones which i bought by mistake (was in the maternity and larger sizes section by mistake) but they are so nice and thick and obviously not being pregnant i fold down the extra waist band and they are super comfortable. I'm not a high-waist fan so rolling the waist-band to my hips is perfect. They are not pricey either.

Someone was talking about coffee on this tread recently, I’ve just ordered some beans and one of them is so posh it comes with it own calling card !

For anyone that's put any money on this I think we are:

MrBeau evens
BeardFlake 15 to 1
MrPT 5 to 1

I'll keep updating the odds, and I'm using 'Prince Harry to come out as gay' as my proxy bet for MrA coming back and asking to have another try.

Ooh I do miss my barrowboy days I could just shout over to the traders and ask them to make me a price 'I'm going long MrBeau lads, what's my price on half a ton' 🤣🤣🤣

Phew you lot have been busy! Taken me ages to catch up. Really interesting chat on what to ask/reveal and when. I'm a very inquisitive person and love to hear about individual history- not necessarily gory details- but appreciate it can be a bit full on for some so I try to hold back. Mr D pointed out to me that I'm also not that forthcoming with my own info which I hadn't realised!
Finally had chance to iron out that misunderstanding and feel so much better for it and still very firmly on the smitten bench.