[quote Eesha]@ibelieveinmirrorballs what you said about putting things under a microscope early on really resonated with me. I think it's a control thing as well as the unknown can be very daunting.
@InABetterPlaceNow I think try and pull back on these chats plus 'getting jealous ' as feels early in my opinion for those things. He's just being matter of fact I think and some are more blunt than others.
My iron has called me every night now for a natter before our date zero on Friday. I have let him lead because I want to avoid sharing too much too soon and I want to enjoy things whereas I think he's very much oversharing about life (he's quite deep). It feels quite good to have someone not know every minute detail of me just yet. If at least one thing comes from this, it's that new approach to chat. I'm genuinely excited to meet him though.[/quote]
Yup analysing things for me is definitely a control thing.
I agree it’s far to early for “getting jealous” and I’m glad he called me on it. I just got a “twang” when I read the text and labelled it as such automatically. Diving into it deeper last night it’s not even just feeling like I have “competition” (because lord knows I’d have to dial back on some of my own “friends” if I got into anything serious) - him saying he’d told them “no” made me feel worse.
What’s actually going on is ex issues. Ex cheated on me with multiple women and I was well aware of it. But would tell me I’m his everything, and I was the only person etc etc. I was already aware that Mr Tux has many female friends but had made out it was all platonic. So knowing that’s not the case (while it’s good to know) activates that fear for if we were to get serious. He’s indicated that they aren’t just going to “go away”.
I think had it been just “I’ve been sleeping around and trying new things” it would have felt different. It’s knowing they are “friends” that makes me uncomfortable. I.e he has a close female friend he took to the cinema and had dinner with at the weekend - now I’m wondering if she’s one of the “friends” in which case he’s either lying about saying “no” or IMO he’s leading her on. Before this convo, I was fine with it. Now I’ve been out off quite a bit!
However, I don’t feel like explaining all this to him right now so we’ll be in the crap position of me looking like a needy idiot (as I’ll back off the texts and it will probably look like it’s because of the previous experiences) when it’s more complicated than that.
If he decides not to continue I guess it’s all good learning for the next one!
I think your approach is the right one! I’m going to do that in future…