Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

and tbh if these don’t concern a guy then it’s not my place to change him or accept him?

^^ that's it really, it's just shame cause otherwise all is well but i know further down the line it would be a source of contention

Another day another impromptu date zero before dinner with my friends. I'm not sure any of these are going to go anywhere but I also don't think I'm in the head space for more at the moment.

@inmyslippers

Yes, it is annoying because sometimes you think just getting a decent plain, normal outfit would make them about fifty times more attractive! it doesn’t have to be designer duds, just “mainstream”

But such is life.

@inmyslippers he sounds like he dresses 'young' for his age? I get this comment all the time. I like the sound of the cardigan but the whole outfit sounds a bit 'minimal effort.' It's what my friend says about me
me as she's all heels, red lips and tightly fitted LittleBlackDress
for dates. I'm more 'sparkly trainiers' a tad more mascara than usual and if i can find matching earrings i'm all set. My hair is massive and wavy so usually pulled back off my face. @SpringlikeBunk you make a good point i agree greasy hair or teeth that haven't seen a toothbrush or chewed nails or really short nails are deal-breakers for me. And i hate a suit jacket paired with Jeans! One or the other please... preferably the jeans as men in suits are just not for me.

Yes, it is annoying because sometimes you think just getting a decent plain, normal outfit would make them about fifty times more attractive!

^^ it's such a waste as well he's very tall and handsome. I could have tolerated full length trousers but the cut offs and the cardigan were just such an odd mix

he sounds like he dresses 'young' for his age

^^ yes he's into bmxing and I think he's never changed his style from his teens years

MrHedgehog is the sexiest man I have met in a long time. Dress sense is fine but basically practical hiking gear.

I don't think he's very naturally appearance orientated though.

When away, I sent him a photo of me and one of a church and rather than the usual app thing of "send more of you, naked", he said "I have always had a thing for stained glass windows" .

#germanflirting
#manwhoisbetterinperson

@Naimee87 hooray for massive wavy hair!

Mines always been thin af so I always admire the massive voluminous hair!

The thread title resonated with me earlier. I had to hang up on an iron, it was awful.

Conversation started out fine for an hour but then he started asking sexual questions and also made sexual connotations about his daughter 🤢

I'm glad we spoke on the phone rather than meet up, I got a bad vibe beforehand but couldn't put my finger on why....just a gut instinct.

This is a normal decent looking guy with a good job etc, well respected etc but he was like a predator in things he was asking.

I don't trust any of them anymore....

I was also probably still a bit too polite with him - I should have told him to F OFF. We need to be selfish with these types.....

that's vile @Bangheadhere40 hope you're ok

I could have tolerated full length trousers but the cut offs and the cardigan were just such an odd mix

Oh, must update my wardrobe

Bullet dodged.

In other news I messaged the shop guy and am anxiously awaiting if he will reply. I didn't ask him out but asked about a purchase I need to make soon.

If this goes nowhere at least I'll save some cash 😆

@Isitreallyme177 I am also fearful/disorganised attachment style.
I think the thing that sums me up with Mr K (apologies for repeating myself as I've said it before) is that I want to be loved at the same time as not wanting to be loved🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

The other night on video call (not meeting due to his son having Covid) he told me he misses me loads when we don't meet and he loves spending time with me.
Part of me was delighted (because he (and I) are emotionally unavailable so we never discuss feelings so this was a positive in that respect) and the other part wanted to run for the hills and end things😂

Thank god for counselling which will hopefully get me on the straight and narrow.

Conversation started out fine for an hour but then he started asking sexual questions and also made sexual connotations about his daughter 🤢

Someone needs to check that guys hard drive 🤬

@inmyslippers

Conversation started out fine for an hour but then he started asking sexual questions and also made sexual connotations about his daughter 🤢

Someone needs to check that guys hard drive 🤬

This ^

@Dazedandconfused10 you can still message him to tell him what a sleazy fuxk he is then block him

But genuinely really sorry that happened 💙

Hi bella it was me, not dazed! I couldn't be bothered saying anything, just hung up and blocked.

It's scary though some of the things he was saying...predatorish.

There are some genuinely scary headcases on apps.

It's sometimes hard to articulate when you're "caught" up in dating, but some of the "early pushing boundaries" types are really terrifying.

Like you say @Bangheadhere40 it's building an initial connection (so you don't just block them straight away) then the creepiness and the "testing questions" start so they can work out how to escalate.

Especially when you think that once you've detached and thought "wtf"

they are then straight back on the apps, looking for women who are in a bit more of a vulnerable position, or who will agree to what the guy is asking as they want a relationship and the guy looks a good "catch" on paper.

Exactly spring you've nailed what I was trying to say. It's actually terrifying thinking about it. The way he was talking was that he couldn't control his urges around women. From the outside a very respectable job etc, good Dad, complete boundary pusher. I feel sorry for anyone else he speaks to 😕

My shop iron has replied but we are just talking 'stock', need to change the convo somehow.

Well I've just been having a chat with one of my oldest dearest friends who said I was stunning and beautiful on the inside as well (it's what friends are say though) but it did make me realise part of the reason I'm not sad is that the spark wasn't there at the start, yeah he's hot but I don't know what it was but I didn't feel it and nor did he. But we obviously had a connection as friends and maybe all the stuff he was telling me and suggesting was just as friends. I showed her what he sent and she reads it as he is talking to a friend and had no clue I liked him. So after a couple of days I'm much clearer. Maybe he has some nice single friends🤔.

Also he needs to get off WhatsApp if he is on a romantic break and not be reading silly memes from me(yes I sent him a message but it was a silly meme that will get stuck in his head and he can either thank me or kill me when he sees me). I had a bit of a panic wondering what I sent and hoped it wasn't all my photos as I'm not sure what he would make of Computer Geek in a towel or his underwear. But it turned out I sent it as a view once photo.

@SortingItOut that's how I am. I want to be loved but I'm scared of letting people in hence the mess I'm in now.

Yay@Shayelle2009 well done for being brave!!!! 🤞🏻🤩
@SpringlikeBunk nooo think BIG and frizzy! Awful really...i'm not that girly so can't really plait very well 😑 and do nice hairstyles. I'm like cousin it from addams family, but with volume

@Naimee87 my hairdresser calls me cousin it when she cuts my hair as she combs it over my face to do the layers🤣.

Hope our thread COVID people are Ok!

I've had this "non COVID cold" for about three weeks now, wtf?

Convinced everyone thinks I'm dossing (so will quietly wfh and produce good output) but it really is knocking me out today.

@Bangheadhere40

Hi bella it was me, not dazed! I couldn't be bothered saying anything, just hung up and blocked.

It's scary though some of the things he was saying...predatorish.

Sorry! Covid brain! I hear you. It's a minefield either way