Parents with DPs - how much time do you get together?

[MoonbeamsGlittering]

We have two kids (aged 6 and 2) and both work full-time, so I know that I shouldn't expect to get lots of time together with all of that going on. However, I realised recently that we were probably only getting about 1 hour per week (split into 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there) when we were spending time together without the kids. My wife tends to go to bed (to go to sleep) at the same time as the kids and wants to sleep for 9 or 10 hours. It makes it very hard to get any time with her.

I've mentioned this and she has tried to have lunch with me once per week and maybe have a bit more time in the evening, but it seems like she feels that I am asking for a bit much. I realised that I don't know how much time other parents of young kids get to spend together. Any input is very welcome!

@Grimsknee In the early morning, I'm trying to keep the kid(s) quiet so my wife can sleep more. Yes I can do chores while watching a 2-year-old, but making breakfast while keeping the 2-year-old quiet is rather a challenge, and it would be a challenge for my wife too if she tried to do that (but she prefers to have me watch the kids while she makes breakfast, which is what I do.)

I wanted to find out whether most parents with young kids get 1/2/3 hours per week together or actually get a lot more. It sounds like the majority get a lot more. My wife seemed to be saying that I didn't understand how things are for most parents, so I wanted to understand. It may not change anything with us, but at least I know that I'm not asking for something that nobody ever realistically gets.

I can't believe some of the replies you have had on this thread. Would of been different if you were a woman!
I, like your wife, need a lot of sleep. But my dh works away Sunday eve to Friday eve. 3 kids aged between 4 and 11. I do 100% childcare, housework, admin, work etc during the week. It's split at weekends. I sleep more in the week and then stay up late at the weekend so we have time together. Could your wife choose one night a week that you both stay up later?

@trevthecat Wow, you sound very busy indeed! Yes, I think that a compromise like you're suggesting might work out. In the last few days she seems to have been up for spending some more time together, so maybe she's been thinking after our conversation last week too.

There are some nuts responses on this thread. If you were a woman writing this I doubt you'd get the But clearly you haven't got anywhere near lightening her load because she's got no free time. She sleeps, does childcare, cooking, life admin and housework, and works posts. She's got no 'free time' because she goes to bed at the same time as the children! When's OP's 'free time'? Oh yes, that would be when the children are in bed, like most parents of young children.

OP your situation isn't normal and sad as it is, unless your wife is suffering from an undiagnosed medical condition, she's quite clearly not keen to spend time with you as she doesn't see the point.

Is there much fun going on in your home? Much laughter? It all sounds very dull and depressing.

@DogsWithJobs We do have some fun and laughter, and at other times it's difficult.

Some responses on this thread make it sound like I'm actually a shit partner; others make it sound like I'm great but my wife doesn't care about me. In reality, I think I'm a pretty good partner (but not perfect of course) and my wife does care about me (but she's very busy with work and finds the kids tiring.) It's difficult for people to diagnose exactly how good a partner I am based on a few posts. I'm not expecting anyone to figure out exactly what's happening in my relationship, or to magically think of an idea that we haven't thought of. That's why I asked to hear about how things are for all of you out there. I can never explain all the details of my situation, but maybe I can learn from your descriptions of your situations.