I've name changed but I have posted about this relationship before. It's been quite intense.
It's only been four months since we met and I feel like I'm in a whirlwind. First proper relationship since my marriage ended two years ago and it was just so nice being loved.
He's very black and white though. He gets upset if I mention anything to do with my past.
Alcohol always makes things worse. I've said I'm cutting down. But then when we go out he orders me doubles (I never drink doubles!).
We were out last night with a friend. I was a bit upset as he'd said We both had put on weight lately. It's true. But I'm feeling self conscious. I'm currently having a miscarriage. My body feels alien and unattractive anyway. We got past it. Went out and had a nice time. Got back and we were chatting rubbish.
I said something about online dating (how we met) and looking for 'men'. He got upset with me because I didn't say 'man'. Like I was implying I was looking for loads of men? I didn't really get it. And reassured him that's not what I meant. I was looking for a relationship and I found it.
He said I called him an old man but I can't remember this. It's been a long running joke as he's ten years older than me. He responded by calling me a little fatty. I feel really cut to the bone. After everything we talked about. How fragile I'm feeling.
We've had conversations before where he says something deliberately to upset me. I've called him out on it. I just can't understand why someone would intentionally hurt someone.
I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm very hormonal and emotional. Am I over reacting? Please be gentle. I'm bleeding and just generally feeling shit.