DP deliberately upsetting me

[thewhisky]

I've name changed but I have posted about this relationship before. It's been quite intense.

It's only been four months since we met and I feel like I'm in a whirlwind. First proper relationship since my marriage ended two years ago and it was just so nice being loved.

He's very black and white though. He gets upset if I mention anything to do with my past.

Alcohol always makes things worse. I've said I'm cutting down. But then when we go out he orders me doubles (I never drink doubles!).

We were out last night with a friend. I was a bit upset as he'd said We both had put on weight lately. It's true. But I'm feeling self conscious. I'm currently having a miscarriage. My body feels alien and unattractive anyway. We got past it. Went out and had a nice time. Got back and we were chatting rubbish.

I said something about online dating (how we met) and looking for 'men'. He got upset with me because I didn't say 'man'. Like I was implying I was looking for loads of men? I didn't really get it. And reassured him that's not what I meant. I was looking for a relationship and I found it.

He said I called him an old man but I can't remember this. It's been a long running joke as he's ten years older than me. He responded by calling me a little fatty. I feel really cut to the bone. After everything we talked about. How fragile I'm feeling.

We've had conversations before where he says something deliberately to upset me. I've called him out on it. I just can't understand why someone would intentionally hurt someone.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm very hormonal and emotional. Am I over reacting? Please be gentle. I'm bleeding and just generally feeling shit.

You have found yourself another abusive man. End the relationship and get support before you get into a another one. Abusive men can smell victims like sharks can smell blood in the water.

I’m sorry OP; this man sounds horrible. Please leave. You deserve so much better than him.

I’m also very sorry you’re currently going through a miscarriage. Having suffered from multiple myself, I would suggest being at home looking after yourself until it has passed and you’re feeling better. Whatever you find easiest, but please do take care of yourself.

And I'm very sorry about your miscarriage. It's a horrible thing to go through

Red flags galore.

@Maray1967

No, you haven’t read that wrong, I’m sure. I went to a friends 40th birthday party while having a miscarriage. I let nature take its course for my first 2 mc. The first one took 3 weeks, the second took one week, like a heavy period.

Oh god you poor thing I thought she meant rite at the beginning.

My fault.

Even so he should be treating her very gently

But he has a complete block on me having dated other men.

Which is completely unreasonable, insane and intensely hypocritical.

It is controlling, wrongfooting nonsense. It's making something up to be mad with you about.

Most adult women will have past partners and date various men. He wants something to beat you up about (verbally to start with).

Find someone else who’s nice all of the time not just some of the time

He’s a knob; dump him

This is the tip of the iceberg it will not get better. He'll be very charming and then the poison will catch you so off guard you'll question whether it was your fault. Over time he will get nastier because he's got away with the last and you'll be left with no boundaries. He has issues and you can't fix them no matter what you think. Don't waste anymore of your life on him.

If he’s like this four months in, it will only get worse, run for the hills.

Sorry about the miscarriage but please don’t get pregnant again and stuck with him for decades.

He sounds horrible. You thread title alone tells you he’s not a nice man and not someone to be in a relationship with. Your DP should not deliberately upset you. Do not waste your time with any man who makes you feel bad about yourself. No amount of niceness the rest of the time can compensate for that.

Blimey I went out with someone just like that. It was ten years ago and last over a year until I got a restraining order. Thr emotional abuse was the worst and it started just like that but thank fuck I hadn't had a miscarriage to get over too. No matter how lonely you are, no matter how bad you think your life is, this relationship will destroy everything enough to make you look back at this period as the golden days. Don't do it to yourself.

This is all very odd. Did you know you were pregnant? If so why were you out drinking alcohol?

Honestly, I can't say I'm sorry you're not having this man's baby, but I'm sorry you don't see that you should be with someone who is supportive and kind. Please end the relationship and work on your boundaries and self-esteem.

He sounds like a wrong un..not respecting your boundaries (the drinks for a start) jealousy is a HUGE red flag plus the moodiness and negging. Get out now and really really make sure you do not get pregnant with him.

You're in the honeymoon phase so this is him being nice! Imagine what it's going to be like when he's comfortable and got his feet under the table.

Just what we all dream of in a relationship, coldness and cruelty. OP please dump this arsehole.

I think you'll find he's not a DP but he's an ExP.

What a horrible man.

Oh God I can’t believe you let this horrible twat get you pregnant after less than 4 months together - what are you thinking OP honestly get the fuck out of there.

Thank you all so much. I know I have my own issues. I'm waiting for counselling but I am trying to work on myself.

He knows about the abuse. And sometimes he can be so supportive and wonderful. Helping me find counselling and sending me links to things he thinks will help. But then he gets upset about something and hangs up or refuses to deal with it. He knows I hate going to bed on an argument. It tears me apart.

He has been pushing to meet my kids. But has also said things like he wants to be my priority and knows he won't be as my kids are my priority.

The pregnancy was obviously unplanned. I had been on the pill. But I'd been feeling tired and ill and one morning my boobs hurt. We joked about it and took the test just to rule it out. I had a scan last Thursday as I couldn't date it as I hadn't had any periods. That morning I started bleeding. I took a test yesterday and the line is much fainter.

I've just been looking up love bombing. It feels like that. It's been so long since I've been complimented and treated like this. He talks about marriage etc. How he wishes he'd met me years ago. But then he says shit like this.

I couldn’t be bothered with the childishness of this and would be dumping and moving on

Are you going to continue defending him or are you going to take the most excellent advice that you have been given on here?
Dump and run.
No matter how nice he is when he’s nice or what wonderful things he says sometimes.
If he makes you unhappy 4 months in then he really isn’t worth it.

He has been pushing to meet my kids. But has also said things like he wants to be my priority and knows he won't be as my kids are my priority
This would really worry me. His jealousy stands out, he really is bad news OP.

@Pumpkinsonparade

Please get some contraception and don't get stuck with this twat for 18 years. Sorry for your loss but let it be a wake up call to taking control of your own life. And future. And make it one without him. He isn't a nice man.

This. What are you thinking having all this drama and a potential baby with someone after 4 months? Things should be light and exciting at 4 months. Not like this

So many 🚩🚩🚩
You can do much better, and your DC don't deserve this wanker in their lives.

I hope you can get some counselling soon but in the meantime, dig deep and find your boundaries. He is not a good man.

OP ALERT ALERT.
YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE WITH A MAN WHO TREATS YOU GREAT ALL OF THE TIME..
STOP BEING GRATEFUL FOR CRUMBS

Exactly what my vile abusive that was like. He was actually very good with my kids except when he was torturing their mother with demanding phone calls from the landlines to prove I was in, abuse about me drinking (his mother was apparently an alcoholic), constant anger about my past ffs I am a very educated woman with a good support network but I got sucked into the sorrys and the gaslighting. Please listen to advice block him and tell everyone you know what's happened so you're more accountable for going back to him.