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Original poster

DH found out about a job I applied for in secret

884 replies

SecretJob · 08/11/2021 09:12

I had been making a plan to leave DH and I managed to get a job but they're still doing all the background etc checks so not started yet. DH found out about the job this weekend. I stupidly left my emails open and he saw it. I currently work for DH's business.

I have been feeling really conflicted over everything because things have been going well between us, I've been having some counselling which is helping me and I'm feeling a lot happier and calmer and I was doubting myself if I should leave or not anyway. He's good to me in a lot of ways and we have a really nice life in a lot of ways. I find it hard to make decisions or to know what I want at the best of times. I love him and we've been together a long time and I don't want to leave him, but at the same time I can't ignore that I have had this voice in my head for a while now telling me to apply for jobs, make plans, etc.

He was so angry when he found out about the job I'd got (understandably really as I'd done it behind his back), and I cried and apologised and ended up agreeing to not take the job.

I have to contact the new job today to let them know and I feel like I can't do it. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
ClaudiaJ1 · 11/12/2021 06:59

@ProudlyMarried @MrsBison @Hugoslavia You don't have the read the entire thread or 'search the OP's post history', all you have to do is click on See all which shows the OP's posts on this thread, and ONLY the OP's posts. The OP has posted 27 times. You should be able to read 27 posts at least. I attach a photo of how to see only the OP's posts on only this thread:

DH found out about a job I applied for in secret
43leftfeet · 11/12/2021 08:26

Thinking of you SecretJob and wishing you strength. I know how hard it is to leave, but you can do it.

Can you visit your house again, not to move in, just to see it? And start taking some bits over? Might that make it easier?

Yearonebesties · 11/12/2021 14:48

Oh @SecretJob I’m so hoping you’re ok

nocnoc · 11/12/2021 15:28

Keep going OP. I hope you’re in your new house and safe. Once you’re away from this guy you’ll never look back. Never let yourself be controlled again

Sidehustle99 · 14/12/2021 17:41

@SecretJob No judgement secretjob, it would be good to know that you are ok? Been thinking about you since Friday.

Eddielzzard · 14/12/2021 17:59

Me too. Just support here, no judgement. You are getting closer day by day. Flowers

TheJoySpreader · 14/12/2021 22:25

Sending love x

SpringCrocus · 14/12/2021 22:27

Hoping you escaped. If you didn't, come back and talk to us. We are here for you, regardless of what happened xxx

Maxiedog123 · 15/12/2021 10:06

Hope you are OK

JimHalpertsPA · 15/12/2021 12:58

Thinking of you OP xx As PP said, we hope you got out but if you didn't, we are all here to listen and support you :) You have done amazingly x

girlmom21 · 15/12/2021 13:02

I'd like to think she's left and is staying off social media for a while so he can't find her or she hasn't got her internet installed yet. Fingers crossed!

Itsbeenalongwhile · 15/12/2021 22:15

Fingers crossed it is that she hasn't got her internet installed yet or something. I feel uneasy about her silence.

Luckingfovely · 15/12/2021 22:33

I find myself worrying about her all the time. I can't even imagine what she's going through, but I hope she's okay and will be back to update us at some point.

AcrossthePond55 · 15/12/2021 23:37

I think sometimes when someone gets 'out' they don't want to look back in any way. They want to just look and move forwards. They just want to live in the 'now'. And that can mean not updating a thread, simply because they don't want to have to recall or recount the events surrounding the actual leaving.

I wish the OP all the best, no matter where she is or what she is doing.

SpringCrocus · 16/12/2021 04:35

I hope, so so much, that she's left. But previous threads make me worried. Hope I'm wrong.

XmasSadface · 16/12/2021 06:26

She hasn't left, its 2021 not 1998, you don't need to wait for internet to be set up to have internet

Maxiedog123 · 16/12/2021 07:50

I just hope she is safe.

redchicken · 16/12/2021 07:56

He treats you like a slave not an employee and certainly not a wife. I am so glad you are starting afresh - sending good thoughts and vibes your way.

girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 07:58

@XmasSadface

She hasn't left, its 2021 not 1998, you don't need to wait for internet to be set up to have internet
You might if you're leaving your phone behind and buying a cheap pay as you go like she suggested.
Luckingfovely · 16/12/2021 22:54

@AcrossthePond55 those were wise words, and I thank you for sharing them with us.

Let's hope that was the outcome. I know many lovely people were invested in this story. All we can do is hope that she is happy and safe.

cooldarkroom · 19/12/2021 13:45

SecretJob, I hope you're OK. I wonder frequently if he found out before the moving day & managed to force you to stay. .

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 19/12/2021 16:49

I hope that you are OK. Of you're out, fantastic, but do talk if you need help with conflicted feelings. If not, please lean on us for any support you need. All anyone wants is to help you. Or just have quiet time if that's what you need, but please don't think anyone here will ever be disappointed in what you do, we just want to support you.

Pr1ncessConsuelaBananahamm0ck · 20/12/2021 08:55

@cooldarkroom

SecretJob, I hope you're OK. I wonder frequently if he found out before the moving day & managed to force you to stay. .
That's what I'm thinking too! Phone has probably been confiscated. Wouldn't be surprised if he was lurking on this thread... Sad
Igmum · 20/12/2021 13:06

Sending love and hope that you are safe and out

Lochroy · 21/12/2021 09:36

Just came to see how OP is getting on. I too am concerned. I hope everything is ok.