DH found out about a job I applied for in secret

[SecretJob]

I had been making a plan to leave DH and I managed to get a job but they're still doing all the background etc checks so not started yet. DH found out about the job this weekend. I stupidly left my emails open and he saw it. I currently work for DH's business.

I have been feeling really conflicted over everything because things have been going well between us, I've been having some counselling which is helping me and I'm feeling a lot happier and calmer and I was doubting myself if I should leave or not anyway. He's good to me in a lot of ways and we have a really nice life in a lot of ways. I find it hard to make decisions or to know what I want at the best of times. I love him and we've been together a long time and I don't want to leave him, but at the same time I can't ignore that I have had this voice in my head for a while now telling me to apply for jobs, make plans, etc.

He was so angry when he found out about the job I'd got (understandably really as I'd done it behind his back), and I cried and apologised and ended up agreeing to not take the job.

I have to contact the new job today to let them know and I feel like I can't do it. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do.

@Hugoslavia

No, no, no.. please read the thread. This is one of the worst cases of coercive control that has been shared in this forum.

You rocking up with your judgement without reading the thread is cringe-making.

OP you can do this. We're all rooting for you.
Just think of all your newfound freedom you're going to have.
No one dictating your life. No one putting you down. No one making you feel you're anything less than perfect.

Your new, amazing life is waiting for you x

I hope OP is ok. Hope she’s having a wobble or gone for it and is too busy to post. Hope it’s not her jailer found out and blocked her internet access for example.

Bloody hell. I posted a supportive post, reported a vile unsupportive one (being careful not to quote it!) and I get deleted as well? Not good @MNHQ.

OP, I really hope you are either out, or going tomorrow. Huge hugs x

Hope you're ok OP. We are here for you whatever the situation :) x

I'm another one rooting for you, OP, and I do hope you are ok. I've read your previous threads, though I don't think I've commented on them.

I've just re-read MsDogLady's post from Tue 09-Nov-21 08:38:48

Please do take on board the excellent advice on here about taking things step by step, and about visualising yourself in your new home, starting your new life. But above all, please take care

OP I just wanted to say how proud I am of how far you have come, if for whatever reason you haven't managed to leave.. that's ok. Please don't think you can't come back, you will receive all the support in the world no matter what happens. You deserve a life free from this man, a safe life, a secure life, and a live that YOU want to live. You will get it, I just know it. I really, really do hope you are ok. Your safety is paramount, so I hope by you being away it means you are protecting that.

Whilst it's great to see all the support for the OP, whether or not she has yet managed to make her move, I think people are being a little previous. She was intending to move two weeks from 25/11 which is yesterday or today with the new job starting some time after that.
You can do it, OP, you've arranged it brilliantly, please have the courage to complete.

Any update? Thinking of you x

Thinking of you OP x

"He was angry when he found out"

That says it all.

Anyone worth staying with would express sadness, regret or even surprise.

And they would ask what needs to happen to help you stay together.

Trust your instinct, always.

I hope you make the right decision for your future happiness. Xxx

I posted too soon - just caught up with this thread.

Now I'm praying that the OP is safe and away from this wicked, wicked man.

All the best OP X

For everyone desperate for an update, it might be worth bookmarking the last post on the thread and adding it to your watchlist to avoid filling the thread up with the usual ‘shamelessly placemarking’, ‘are you ok, op, I can’t sleep for thinking about you’ posts or just posting something like ‘just checking in’ to try and make it less obvious that you’re gagging for an update.

Women can make seven or more attempts to leave an abuser. Perhaps give the OP some space to do it rather than hounding her for updates to fulfil your cheerleading feels.

@SixQuidGames

For everyone desperate for an update, it might be worth bookmarking the last post on the thread and adding it to your watchlist to avoid filling the thread up with the usual ‘shamelessly placemarking’, ‘are you ok, op, I can’t sleep for thinking about you’ posts or just posting something like ‘just checking in’ to try and make it less obvious that you’re gagging for an update.

Women can make seven or more attempts to leave an abuser. Perhaps give the OP some space to do it rather than hounding her for updates to fulfil your cheerleading feels.

Absolutely- I have no doubt she comes on hear reading that everyone wants an update. It's not helpful.

Even if she hasn't left, she's made massive steps in the right direction.

Leaving is not easy, we can all read it and say the obvious but when it's you living it, it's absolutely not that easy.

I would think most like myself on here added to watch list at the beg of the thread when it started as we are genuinely worried and hoping OP is ok - not 'gagging for an update'. I think it's nice to know we are thinking of her and there in spirit. Whether she replies or not is not important - for her to know we are here wherever she is up to is the main thing.

Hope you are now out, OP.
Much love and huge hugs, regardless. xxx

@SpringCrocus

Hope you are now out, OP. Much love and huge hugs, regardless. xxx

Absolutely this!

@SixQuidGames

For everyone desperate for an update, it might be worth bookmarking the last post on the thread and adding it to your watchlist to avoid filling the thread up with the usual ‘shamelessly placemarking’, ‘are you ok, op, I can’t sleep for thinking about you’ posts or just posting something like ‘just checking in’ to try and make it less obvious that you’re gagging for an update.

Women can make seven or more attempts to leave an abuser. Perhaps give the OP some space to do it rather than hounding her for updates to fulfil your cheerleading feels.

Sorry have worked out to quote! I would think most like myself on here added to watch list at the beg of the thread when it started as we are genuinely worried and hoping OP is ok - not 'gagging for an update'. I think it's nice to know we are thinking of her and there in spirit. Whether she replies or not is not important - for her to know we are here wherever she is up to is the main thing.

Just read this whole thread. OP I remember some of your others and I am hoping upon hope you’ve managed to get free.