Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Heartbeats0708 this whole weekend has been a whirlwind that started with me kissing an Irish stranger outside big Ben at 10am on Friday morning. I really am living my best life/might be a bit of a hot mess

@Shayelle2009 so lovely to hear from you! I think that really is the most awful part is the waiting/wondering and confusion that comes from trying to establish a relationship where both people are content and on the same page! Seems @mayeye and @Heartbeats0708 have managed so there's hope!

Well i've probably gone and done a bit of a stupid thing really, i got a bit carried away at the funfair that's in town and asked magnet-man if he'd come see me and we go on the BigWheel together! To be honest the BigWheel is so boring and so overpriced i think it was more a question of whether he'd visit and spend more time with me. He visited a while ago when my DS was away for the weekend. And he has said 'yes, let's hope we succeed' ... part of me regrets sending the message now but the other part thinks more time together would be nice. I would eventually have asked him i think. No clue whether we'll make it happen but won't ask again. I really do like our once a week 'escapes' we have together and a 'proper' relationship isn't what either of us want or can manage but i would like the odd weekend to properly relax together every once in a while! He's around next week so i'll see if he brings it up!

Hope you're all enjoying your sunday's!

Oh and i love wotsits, definitely cannot get them over here!

@Eesha thanks I don't know what to do anymore in fact the whole thing has gone from me being happy to feeling like shit in the past two days. This is the reason I came off the apps and stopped even trying to date because it started dragging up my insecurities and changed me from happy go lucky into an insecure mess.

I didn't think back in May I would develop feelings (other than friendship) for him but I have and I really like him. In all honesty I didn't expect him to still be around and still want to see me either so that has kind of thrown me a little.

@Isitreallyme177 why are you feeling shit? Is it work related or dating or Mr Cricket? I think the danger is you are getting too dependent on Mr Cricket, like he is a genuine romantic interest, yet neither of you are progressing it. You talk about him as though he's a boyfriend, about sexy underwear and fun stuff. You are taking the cinema and messaging to mean a lot when he might/probably is going through the apps looking for others. But I understand its daunting and you enjoy the company though and don't want to risk losing that.

@Eesha just life in general, just spent over a grand on my car, my best friend (my usual sounding board) has been signed off with anxiety and depression so I don't think worrying her with my stuff right now would help her and she usually helps me see things in a different light, and work is just shit (I have found out you really can't trust anyone). I'll snap out of it tomorrow, I'm going to a trampoline park.

@Shayelle2009

Thanks I’m looking forward to seeing how things pan out but also early early days - like everyone says on this thread it’s the “three month mark” you kind of need to pass?

So far so good but no expectations and if things fizzle will just take things as they come.

And messages are cheap tbh (or free!) which is why I tend to discount them/cut down on messaging.

Arf at your weekend hangover, hopefully that still be all of us threadies in Feb next year after the thread night out! 🤞

(hungover on the tube and admiring all the handsome young London men in their suits...)

@Isitreallyme177

I agree with @Eesha - I think we’ve all had that guy or girl we really get hung up on, and often it’s hard moving from the familiar to the “weird new people on the apps”.

I mean when I moved I still was half into MrC and MrMilitary? (ie irrationally hoping we could manage some long distance thing)

But I made myself get back on the apps (even if it was a bit shit) and I’ve met someone I’m excited about now and it doesn’t feel like it’s settling for second best.

If you’re still stuck in this situation with MrCricket (sorry to sound harsh but I’ve been in both the position you are and where MrCricket is and I don’t get the vibe he thinks about you in a dating way or is romantically attracted to you at all) you’re taking time/energy away from doing the sifting and matching and meeting the new guys out there?

And you clearly have so much love and energy to offer in a relationship it would be shame to waste months of your life hooked on someone who isn’t that into you.

Thanks for New thread- even though I’m not looking for dates and things are going well with Mr L, I still love this thread and don’t want to leave😁

Mr L and I will hit the 3 month mark next week and amazingly no worries yet (when I keep my head from going too far into the future that is😬)
We will be spending the weekend together at his house which I love as it’s in the countryside and so quiet and peaceful there. I’m in a panic about Christmas now and what to buy him
Hope everyone has a lovely and relaxing Sunday and any date zeros go really well

Sorry you feel this way @Isitreallyme177. Hope the trampolining lifts the spirits! x

@Naimee87 exciting about magnet man!! Hope it happens for you 😄

Glad you’re on the bench with me @Eesha 🥰

@Dazedandconfused10 sounds like you’re having loads of fun!! Why the hell not!

MrA update and what I’ve learnt in the 7 weeks we’ve been chatting and infrequently meeting.

I fully expect men to lie. His friends knew about me, and he introduced me to loads of people and said things like, oh tell John about that time you did xyz Bella. And it was clear that every time he’s been busy was genuine, that his friends are utterly adorable and there was nothing sleazy about the set up, it was just my bruised and battered self finding it hard to trust - and also the whole ‘meeting on an app’ vibe - so last night kind of blew me away. Not all men lie! Not all guys are sleazy! Or flakes! Even if it’s casual it can be respectful and have the real friendship / girlfriend vibe without being too suffocating.

This has been such a positive experience for me. Seeing him next weekend but not overnight, I’m coming to the show and then going on to see friends.

Feeling smitten but happy with what it is. He’s giving off a single guy vibe but not in a selfish way, just in a ‘my work has suddenly taken off and I’m not turning anything down for anyone’. Plus there’s been zero discussion of emotions.

Obviously I’m more than open to it being something committed but it’s too early for anyone to start thinking about that. The ramifications of anything committed are quite complex.

So. Smitten but as a PP said, eyes wide open.

Will now RT the latest updates ♥️

@Shayelle2009 @Eesha if you're not feeling enthusiastic about dating it's hard to find anyone attractive! Plus it sounds like you're both busy enough anyway. @Eesha what were you doing working so late?!! And your photos are adorable so if you do want to swipe you can be really fussy 🥰

@Isitreallyme177 I too read some of your updates and I'm with @eesha that I'm concerned MrCricket is probably cracking on with his dating life but not bothering to share with you where he is. It's possible you might get hurt in this scenario and I worry that you're not mentally prepared for it. Plus I'm really sorry that you're having a crap time at work. These things often all come at the same time and it's no fault of yours. But protect yourself and be a bit more selfish about your own wants and needs.

@Dazedandconfused10 also waiting for the full update once you've recovered your memory 😁

@MayEye sounds like a great place to be. I hope things continue this way 🥰

@Naimee87 I think you're perfectly entitled to
see Magnet 🧲 Man outside of his place of work 😜 and good on you for asking

@SpringlikeBunk how's it going with being mysterious 🕵🏽‍♀️

@TwatInTinFoil @WeWantTheFinestWines @dancemom @Dancerinthemoonlight @Heartbeats0708 @Languidleopard (how's the NC?) @Moopyhereagain @RayoftheTriffids @Slothmomma @theworldsastage @VanGoghsDog

hi 👋🏻 to you all

@StartingAgain6369 good luck with the meet

@Isitreallyme177 have you considered coaching of some kind for work /life or even counselling/CBT. A friend did the life coaching thing and just seems to have completely turned her life into something amazing (no partner) but an amazing career, money, friendships and a healthy attitude to dating. It's really easy to get into a rut and feel like things are shit but all I can say is those feelings pass and tomorrow is a brand new day. We all feel low at times. I would personally keep my options open with others and not just Mr Cricket. He sounds like he's using you (nicely) as a bit of a fallback hence when he doesn't text for days, you are OK with that and make excuses. I say this as an aforementioned nice girl in life. Don't feel like he is all that there is because he isn't.

@BelladiMamma I'm glad Mr A is turning out to be all you would hope. He sounds lovely! I've been working late regularly on some financial modelling which I tend to get carried away with, but I have been up till 1am most days and that can't be good. I don't like going to work with tons to do in the morning and prefer working late after the children go to bed.

@Dazedandconfused10 looking forward to your update, as well @StartingAgain6369. @FabulousMrFifty couldn't remember if it was a Miss Wales weekend fest.

@Shayelle2009 I don't like the apps but it feels like the only way at times. Thinking about my friends, 5 married are via online dating. However let's enjoy out time on the bench!

Hey all, I've been watching the thread for ages, and joined in ages ago.
I decided to take a break again from old after lots of fingers burnt. Tired of men saying things to get into bed and then vanishing.

But I'm now in a situation... a guy I was speaking to as I deleted the apps. We've had some great dates, lots of kissing and after our Friday night date it's clear we both want to physically take it further.
Can I ask that if we get naked it's at least exclusive nakedness? I don't need to define us as a relationship but I don't want to be one on a list if we are going to have sex. Which I can assure you I want too.

@MayEye glad things are going well with Mr L! And @BelladiMamma nice to hear your updates about Mr A. Sorry you aren't feeling great at moment @Isitreallyme177

Memory has not recovered. I'll have to wait til I see my friends again to find out what happened.

@pinkpixie83 I think there is nothing wrong with asking someone if they are sleeping with someone else. I'm not one for having multiple partners around the same time and would like to know who I am sleeping with is the same.

Thanks everyone, I've just been to the gym and done hard leg day. First time I've been since changing gyms when not having a pt session. I forgot how good it makes me feel. I've got into a rut, the dark nights aren't helping, the not having a set routine at work isn't helping. I pay stupid money for pt sessions but they will only help if I get off my arse and go other times. He should be my check in not the only time going. But that gym session has helped me get out of this funk a bit and cleared my head a little. Time to look forward to a new week.

@Eesha someone at work is giving me some coaching, I have another session this week. It's early days but hopefully it will help.

@Eesha
No not this weekend - thanks for asking, yesterday was supposed to be dinner with ms Business, but she pulled the plug and that’s was probably for the best as I would have been coughing and sneezing through it. Today was hobby and I was one of the chief “hobbyists” , very exciting, had to do my own prep and planning

I checked in with ms Wales with the ‘ Y Front or not Y Front ‘ question last night, and I cannot repeat the answer, but apparently I have to “shag her brains out”, blimey, going to have to make I have had my weetabix when we do meet up again.😵 Yikes, currently planning around work, childcare, family commitments and holidays

@Isitreallyme177 drop me a line if you need someone to lend an ear.

@FabulousMrFifty thank you, that's really kind of you.

Well .......... what a most enjoyable afternoon with Ms Sunglasses

Booked a table for 1.30pm at a nice little cafe/bistro, date zero, for coffee and cake, Ms Sunglasses had previously mentioned in dispatches that she was extremely fond of cake. For both of us it was really new (dating) and Ms Sunglasses had told me she needed to be back home for 4.30pm

By chance we both pulled into the car park together 15 mins early, walked in, seated, drinks ordered, the conversation flowed really easily. Myself up until April last year owned a business and Ms Sunglasses works in education and we got on to meeting people in, my case clients and with her children outside of the work environment, anyway, Ms Sunglasses said well at least here I'm out of town and nobody will know me, we kept talking and yes you've guessed it 5 minutes later we have a young man stood at our table saying 'hello Miss' I think she may be talk of the playground tomorrow.

The plan for cake was soon scrapped and replaced with a full blown Sunday roast followed pudding and more drinks.

Conversation flowed so well, so easy to talk to her and had a few giggles, to the extent with nobody clock watching it was 4.30pm. She said I've got to go, I have to be back, I said no problem, you go I'll sort everything here, she offered me money for lunch which I declined, I said you go I know you need to be back.

Paid, walked to the car and got home, at the table nothing was said to one another how we felt about each other, I thought she was truly lovely but wasn't sure how she was about me and of course coming up to 4.30 it was very rushed

It took me about 40mins to get home and was probably back about 20mins when I get a text saying thank you so much for agreeing to lunch and treating me, quickly followed up by another text saying 'I've got to be honest there's something I need to tell you' I replied sure go on and I got the response 'I didn't want to go I really wanted to kiss you'

So between us this teatime and juggling domestic issues at the same time we have had a deeper text convo and we are definitely meeting up again which will include cake

That sounds like a lovely date @StartingAgain6369 and great that you both felt a connection. Hope the next date happens soon

Sounds lovely @StartingAgain6369 perfect first date 👌

@StartingAgain6369

Well .......... what a most enjoyable afternoon with Ms Sunglasses

Booked a table for 1.30pm at a nice little cafe/bistro, date zero, for coffee and cake, Ms Sunglasses had previously mentioned in dispatches that she was extremely fond of cake. For both of us it was really new (dating) and Ms Sunglasses had told me she needed to be back home for 4.30pm

By chance we both pulled into the car park together 15 mins early, walked in, seated, drinks ordered, the conversation flowed really easily. Myself up until April last year owned a business and Ms Sunglasses works in education and we got on to meeting people in, my case clients and with her children outside of the work environment, anyway, Ms Sunglasses said well at least here I'm out of town and nobody will know me, we kept talking and yes you've guessed it 5 minutes later we have a young man stood at our table saying 'hello Miss' I think she may be talk of the playground tomorrow.

The plan for cake was soon scrapped and replaced with a full blown Sunday roast followed pudding and more drinks.

Conversation flowed so well, so easy to talk to her and had a few giggles, to the extent with nobody clock watching it was 4.30pm. She said I've got to go, I have to be back, I said no problem, you go I'll sort everything here, she offered me money for lunch which I declined, I said you go I know you need to be back.

Paid, walked to the car and got home, at the table nothing was said to one another how we felt about each other, I thought she was truly lovely but wasn't sure how she was about me and of course coming up to 4.30 it was very rushed

It took me about 40mins to get home and was probably back about 20mins when I get a text saying thank you so much for agreeing to lunch and treating me, quickly followed up by another text saying 'I've got to be honest there's something I need to tell you' I replied sure go on and I got the response 'I didn't want to go I really wanted to kiss you'

So between us this teatime and juggling domestic issues at the same time we have had a deeper text convo and we are definitely meeting up again which will include cake

Oh my goodness this has the makings of a Richard Curtis film 🥰

Can I buy my hat already?